It’s been just over a year now since a brain tumour took my wife away.
I / we were never very gregarious and so now I find myself very alone. I do not have the confidence to go out and meet new people. All experiences seem hollow and meaningless. I’ve tried going to the pub but sitting on my own has no attraction. Anything I think of doing just feels wrong, like she should be there with me and because she’s not, so I just end up in a cycle of get up, watch TV, eat, then go to bed again. Holidays / weekends are a nightmare. I’m happier at work. Is this my life 'til I die now?!
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Hello @puddin I’m so sorry for your loss. I get exactly what you mean, I’m only 16 weeks into this terrible journey but loneliness is something I’m very much experiencing. Even feeling lonely when I’m in a room full of people.
I think as humans we are not meant to be on our own, but what do you do when the only person you really want to be with isn’t here? Do you have any hobbies or interests, or things you’ve wanted to do but never got around to. Would you think about maybe joining some clubs, it will be difficult to begin with but I’m sure once you’ve done it the first time it will get easier.
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puddin I know exactly what you mean I am disabled and all my life I’ve never had any friends and the only person who has stayed with me was Ann my partner who passed away nearly 18 months ago we were together just over 30 years and she was the only person who gave me confidence to go places but since she passed away I haven’t been anywhere
Because I have no friends or family I’m the same as you I get up watch the TV try and eat something go back to bed and do the same thing the next day the only time I get out of the house is once a week to go shopping or to visit Ann at the crematorium and every day I wonder why I’m still here loneliness is my worst enemy and I don’t agree with people who say it gets easier maybe for some people it does but not for me
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Snap. 16 weeks in nowand couldn’t put it any better.
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I used to take my wife ( She was disabled ) to her Book Club where they meet once a month to discuss a book that was previously chosen. They meet once a month. I used to take my wife and then leave. Go back and collect her. When collecting her on one occasion they were struggling to decide on a book, I made an error by suggesting a book, The decided to read the one I had suggested. The problem I had was the next meeting was at my place, As they do coffee I could not leave my wife to it so was asked to join in as I had suggested the book. So I becam a member. When I lost my wife the asked me to still attend , after I had missed one. I still go. It does give me social interaction and it meets once a month. A lot of local libraries run book clubs or just google book clubs in your area. Just a thought to get you out.
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Im in a similar situation, a year past in January.
My wife and i were happiest when we were out together and im finding it very strange not being part of a couple. We were together almost 40 years.
I gave up work to look after her, as her condition slowly robbed her of her life. Most likely youve gone through the anger, regret, depression , sheer hatrid and hanging onto things said and done, analysing everything in your head. I know i have.
Ive reached a point where I’ve realised I have to give myself a shake and get on with life.
Im fed up giving myself excuses not to do things : The thought of doing things is always worse than actually doing them.
We were individuals before we met our partners , so we must be able to return to that state and actually prosper.
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There is a zoom meeting group on Sunday maybe you should join you get to talk to people that are going through the same as us it may help you gain some confidence
@KarenF
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Hello Puddin,
I am 5 months into this journey, lost my husband November 24 , up until the 14th April i had my dog charlie who gave me a routine and company, he too has left me for rainbow bridge. I am beyond devastated, 0ne moment i am sobbing for David the next moment i am sobbing for Charlie, life has no meaning now, our home is no longer a home but a shell, my new routine is just like yours and its lonely , i go shopping late evening with my pathetic basket where as i use to use a trolley. No one to have the kettle on and welcome me home. Its horrible this journey we are all on. Everything terrifies me in the so called home, the what if scenario, plumbing, electrics, go wrong, no children, and my siblings live 265 miles away. I have just returned back at tai chi on a Saturday just for an hour, why bother i say to myself, i forced myself to go and i enjoyed it , no one said anything but they all understood, whist i was there my mind concentrated on the moves and not what i was feeling. I like Rob05 idea of book club going to look into that. We all have to find a path that suits us , my old life lasted 31 years and my charlie was 13, both gone but never forgotten.
Sorry to rant on,
Wishing you all the best Puddin.
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i think it’s kind of good to know (but not if you see what I mean) that I’m not alone. because this journey feels very lonely. My big problem is getting myself out. Never really used to go out much and then we only did it because we had each other as back up. Now i’m hopeless! As “Plantman” said; sometimes the thought of doing something is worse than the reality, but I can’t persuade myself to take that step. Part of it is guilt that I’m able to do stuff while she can’t. Survivor guilt i think it’s called. Thank you for taking the time to write. It means a lot. I hope you achieve happiness soon. x
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More than happy to add others to the Zoom chats if it will help. I have made fabulous friends via here and Zoom meetings.
If your like to give them a try @puddin , or anyone else, just let me know and I’ll add you to where I post the links.
Karen xxx
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When I read that people are struggling like I am I thought maybe your zoom chats may help
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Hi KarenF
Could you add me to the zoom meeting please
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Certainly @Yorklan
Hi all
You know I have pondered on how i start this message, was going to say im sorry for your loss, but oh my how many times do we hear that!, and if any of you are like me, we so “oh thats ok”, but we just wished it had never been said! So a little bit about my journey. I lost my lovely partner almost 10 months ago due to aml (leukemia)…and like all of you, i understand hiw tough it is being alone, really just not having the daily routines that we shared with our loved ones for so many years. I was with Harry for 23 years…and every day I miss him. The pain of loss is crippling. I have tried , meeting up with friends, but its so dam hard. 3 weeks ago i discovered i can draw, and paint…and do arty stuff. Who knew!, I have never drawn anything. There was a local art exhibition literally across the road from my house. Yesterday I mustered up the confidence to walk in. I asked about local classes to help me with my discovered talent. Then i was asked if I could show what i have produced…they thought that they were that good, they have put them on show…seriously i have only been doing this for 3 weeks!. So after reading all your messages i thought i would share my recent experience. Maybe just maybe you too will discover, that something, that may help you to cope with the emptiness and put a little smile in your very sad heart.
I truly feel all of your pain. Xxxx its not easy being in this club. Take good care and be kind to yourselves xxx
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Yes this is a club nobody wishes to be in but sadly we all are.
I am pleased you have found something to focus on.
Stay strong
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Hi Karen sorry to be a pain but I can’t find the link or time
I connected with your message, I also feel like I’m just waiting to die and every day is groundhog day I’m 6 months since the loss of my Soulmate and it’s getting worse. I feel like I’m starting to isolate more every day just going through the motions, I work from home part time it’s the only rest I get from thinking of my husband. He died of Bile Duct Cancer aged 53. Life holds no joy or happiness and I keep busy in the house or garden, I only want to stay at home with all our memories. When I do go for a drive it’s only for essentials as there are couples and families everywhere and I feel I have a sign on my head that look on my face of sheer loneliness and sorrow, I don’t have a big support network as me and my husband were together everyday lived in each others pockets we got on so well. I just wanted to say what you said resonates with me entirely and I’m sending hugs 
and support through my words so maybe we can feel less alone, it’s a terrible place to be in this grief and just knowing there are others going through the same is heartbreaking sending comfort to you know were here as we need to connect and spill out our feelings 
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Hi Karen
How do I join a Zoom meeting to connect with you all.
Julie
Hi Julie333. I am sorry to say ,i know how you feel 3 months for me since i lost Sue. Like you we were happy living in each other pocket, no children just each other.
Each day is hard. I was hanging washing out at 7 am. Which upsets me as they is nothing of Sue’s. So after i decided to go for a walk early on, less chance of bumping into people. I decided to do our covid walk around a couple of fields near to us. I have not done it for years and the first time without Sue. Just as i was about to cross the road a ambulance came past siren going and blue light flashing. Well that just knocked me for six. A big trigger, i managed to still do the walk but i was crying a lot ( nothing new for me). Looking at views which once meant something to me but now ? I got home and just stood outside my house crying,not wanting to go back in to that empty shell. So another day done. No phone calls or vists. So i understand what you are saying, and i am sorry to everyone of us on this crap path.
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Sadly I know exactly how you both feel. I also see the bitter irony in the way we’ve all found that one of our biggest joys in our relationships, the closeness, the need for only each other that we shared, is now one of our biggest problems as we’ve all become so isolated.
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