This feels dreadfully selfish (and I’m sure you’ll all say it isn’t!) but I’m wondering how I will ever be able to go on holiday again.
I tried 1 night away but all I could think of was “she would have enjoyed this”
I’m going to need time away from work at some point, but I’m already hating weekends, as I spend them moping around the house.
You have to understand I’m not a very gregarious kind of bloke (never have been), so walking into pubs / restaurants on my own is a bit of a no-no
I don’t have many friends, as my wife and I were happy with just each other
Am I doomed to a life of sleep / work repeat?
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I have this feeling too. Myself and my partner were always booking a trip somewhere. We loved to travel. I dont think i can do it without him. Too painful
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Hi.
My wife of 55yrs passed in April,I too am not outgoing on my own,with my wife absolutely.
I have pondered this conundrum since she passed,and this reflects my situation only,
I have no desire or inclination to hook up,holiday/pubs/restaurants on my own.
Not being able to discuss events of the day,
And still having to climb into an empty bed on a night without her to me is inconceivable.
So for me I will plod on finding the little joy and peace where I can.
I really hope you can find your own path.
Kind regards Ron.
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I feel for you all who enjoyed holidays nd trips away , it .ust be awful.
Maybe in that regard I am more lucky as I suffer from agrophobia and dont travel far from my home.
I do miss going out for a meal at out local pub something as a woman I would never do alone.
I hate nt having Gra here to share the everyday things with. To snuggle up to in bed ( even when snoring 
).
All I see now is emptiness and lonilness.
Hugs Jo xxx
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My first trip without him I felt the same as you - constantly thinking he would have enjoyed this 
he would have been on the next sun bed beside me I was miserable through the holiday.
The second time I travelled alone on our anniversary - I spent the whole time talking to him, while walking the streets or in the hotel and wherever I was, as if he was there with me…to my pleasant surprise it totally lifted the whole holiday experience 
I usually talk to him at home anyway but now I talk to him where ever I am and that makes me feel so loved and comforted Thought I would share but I am not saying it would work for everyone but it certainly does for me 
.
Hugs x
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We too felt we didn’t need others around us. We regularly booked small weekends away and thoroughly enjoyed each others company. I’m thinking of booking the Premier Inn for his birthday at Scarborough, which is an area very special to us both but don’t know if I’ll be able too go when it comes to it.
We would often go for our birthdays.
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Morning Asly my son lives in Scarborough, I live in Hull. Unfortunately due to agrophobia I don’t travel. Every day is hard but special days are harder. I lost Gra on 16th june it was our 16th wedding anniversary on the 2nd of August. Although i cried the lead up was worst rhan the day. Hugs Jo xxx
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Thank you for your reply. I too live in hull.
It would have been our 44th wedding anniversary last Friday 6th. X
Wow 44th where in Hull do you live I live west Hull. Xx
Just catching up with messages as I’ve not posted for a while.
My husband Pete died 5 months ago and I totally understand the “living alone” situation. Because Pete was quite poorly for a while beforehand we didn’t get to do much together. We used to holiday 2-3 times a year be out to theatre, concerts (he was a musician) restaurants etc etc. I missed all those things so bit by bit I have taken the plunge….so far I’ve travelled to places in the UK on my own, ate at restaurants, been to a concert and to the cinema. Sometimes it’s okay, sometimes it’s emotional as I’m doing things we would have done together. But I feel I’m sharing what I do with him. I am quite an outgoing person and quite independent anyway although that took a bit of a battering the more we became housebound.
Some places I have been to I have scattered some of his ashes as they were places he loved.
Everyone is different but I know the few days where I don’t get out I can get very low and then I think it’s easy to get stuck in a loop.
I know he would want me to carry on living my life doing the things we would have done together. It’s hard but I feel I am honouring his memory by doing so.
I’ve not managed a big holiday yet but will hopefully do that sometime.
Every journey is different but you need to take care of yourselves as well.
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So difficult, my husband and I played golf and would go away on golf holidays and now I’m watching friends doing the same and I’m thinking I’ll never be able to do that again! I have always been a socio-phobe but am having to force myself out to do things. I’m even contemplating going on a solo holiday next year either walking or playing golf or art. Keep researching as it will help.
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I am totally in this position losing my partner of 55 yrs in June. People have suggested going to the pub, to make more male friends, both my partner and I were never that kind of person, and I would not be able to walk into any place just on my own. We never had many friends, as we were totally happy with each other, and now I have no-one. The House now is so quiet (apart from our two poodles) and absolutely hate weekends, even though I am retired, do I just “soldier on” and hope that time will heal, I cannot see that at the moment. I try to visit the grave every week which is nearby, and talk to my partner, but am I doing the right thing, I don’t know, and what makes things worse is I cannot drive. What can I do, not looking forward to the Christmas period at all.
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I guess I’m lucky still being at work. Fortunately I enjoy my job. I always have the guilty feeling that whatever I do work / cycling, even watching the TV, I’m somehow just distracting myself from the horrible reality of my “new normal”. Weekends are a nightmare for me too. End up staying in bed 'til late because “what’s the point?” We were planning my retirement before she passed but again “what’s the point?” Xmas? Don’t talk to me about Xmas…!
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I try to stay in bed as long as i can as it makes the day shorter. Im going to try and go back to work on monday but im dreading it. The looks of pity. I feel “whats the point?” But i know Paul would want me to be strong
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Is there someone that can go with you to make it easier?
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Unfortunately no. I will get used to being alone I suppose in time, but it will take time. Most of my day is now taken up by reading all the newspapers on line, and looking after my two poodles. My Partner of 55 years, Michael, and I (my name is Alan ) shared absolutely everything, and all of a sudden they are all now down to me. Makes it worse when you cannot drive and have to rely of either friends or taxi’s. Neither of us like asking for help, having been independent all our life, but now, I have to ask when for help. I am trying to be positive, but very difficult.
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Morying Percy I feel for you I truly do , this road we travel is so hard and lonely. I lost my husband june 16th its 14 weeks tomorrow. I still cant believe I am never going to se him again.
Its hard asking for help. I suffer from agrophobia Gra was my support. Now I have to ask for help to get to the doctors etc.
But we have no choice we have to do what we can to get through each day.
I know Gra would be so annoyed ifvI just gave up he fought so hard for live. He was one of the strongest men I have ever met.
I wish for us all peace abd a new life wgere we will all find happiness again one day.
Hugs Jo xxx
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I’m reading The Grieving Brain by Mary-Frances O’Connor - it’s helping me to understand why it feels so ghastly.
My husband passed away suddenly on 25th February. We had been married 36 years. We never needed anyone else snd without him I feel half of me died too. I have been thinking about holidays and feel almost panic stricken. I don’t motorway drive and even if I could get away think I would just sit and cry and be even more lonely in a strange place without my husband. Everything is do hard, creating a new life, one I didn’t choose is dreadful. I just want my husband to walk back through the door.
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Completely concur with those sentiments. Ive no idea how to move forward. We were a team and now that team no longer works. I speak to her every night before i go to bed .
Im sure its just sleep work repeat til i join her
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