I lost my wife of 34 years in August. She was ill for about a year although only recieved a terminal diagnosis 4 weeks before she died. The last 3 weeks of her life were spent in a local hospice. Although people tell me that im doing well…i dont feel like i am and my emotions are all over the place. I cry every day and sometimes have a total melt down where i just feel completely lost.
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My husband died in August , it is still very early on the horrible path we didn’t choose !
Be kind to yourself , there are lots of people in this community who understand how hard it is
x
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Thanks for your support and I am sorry for your loss too. There are so many emotions going round in my head as you will know for yourself. Being kind to myself is easier said than done at the moment. Even at the end, my wife was strong courageous, and dignified. All the things I was not at the time! I feel a huge amount of guilt over that!!
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I know what you mean, I hope you have support around you x
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Tinker, I lost my husband 4 weeks ago. I get it. We seem to be doing well because we are functioning but there is a huge difference between that and living.
We are all functioning and getting through each day robotically but I wouldn’t say we are doing well. I don’t even know who I am anymore.
Of course you feel lost and your emotions are all over the place, you lost your beloved wife of 34 years. What you are experiencing are very normal reactions to losing a spouse as I have learned here in this forum.
I am so sorry that no one can take away this pain from you, but this is something only we can get through, and it is always alone that we do it.
Cry all you want. You are in pain and crying is normal. We are human beings with emotions, we cry when in pain - mental or physical. It has only been 3 months so give yourself the luxury of time. I am afraid you’ve a long road ahead before you start to feel alive again, but don’t run - just walk slowly.
Most people say things get better after the first year, some say that they are still in deep grief 4 years down the road. None of us can predict our future, but I do know that even the worst pain subsides with time.
We never really “get over” the loss, we simply learn to live with it. It helps me to look at photos of my husband when he was young, healthy, and happy rather than what I witnessed at the end.
Let yourself grieve as much as you need. There is no time limit and no rules apply. In 18 months you will be a different person and in a different place mentally. In the meantime, accept that you will not feel “right” for a while and that you will make it through this horrible time in your life.
Much love from New Orleans.
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Hello Tinker1 and I am so sorry that you find yourself here but, through reading our stories and responses, you will know that we truly understand how you feel and the mixture of raw emotions you are experiencing. Friends and family try to support us but I often think it would be better if they said nothing at all despite meaning well…'you are doing so well ’ seems to mean that on the outside you appear to be living a life whereas the reality is you have applied the make up you need to become the person they see and your actions are carried out on autopilot. 'Time heals '… It doesn’t heal it just teaches us to cope with a wound that cuts so deep and one that will never completely heal.
They all mean well of course but they do not understand the depth of loss, the complete absence of the life you once had and, for me, the sudden loneliness you now feel… sending hugs… Jo
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I lost my wife 21 days ago we had been together for 27 years, there wasn’t one day of those 27 years that I didn’t tell her that I loved her, I still do, I am devastated and start crying at the drop of a hat, I go to bed hoping that I won’t wake up, I feel like I have no purpose in life and that everything is pointless, it is so so difficult to just keep plodding on, I honestly don’t know what to tell you because I’m hoping that it gets better myself the only thing I can say is that we’re here to listen to you
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Im so sorry to hear about your loss. Im conscious that im not alone in feeling as i do and sometimes feel that im being selfish. I’m trying to keep busy and keep contact with good friends that we have made over the years. This helps but at the end of the day i have to come home to an empty house… I guess that we all have to trust what we are told…that we will learn to cope and that it will get easier with time. I think that what im learning is that there is no magic bullet to fix this pain and that we just have to find a way somehow…
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Thank you for what you said. I think having a meltdown and crying a lot are completely normal and expected. My partner of 25 years died 15 months ago and at times I feel completely lost, heartbroken, how can I carry on like this and how can he be dead… I have got his photos everywhere, I talk to him all the time and have done since he passed over. I believe this is one of the few things that have kept me in one piece and able to carry on and because of that, also, I feel his presence around me still
We all deal with our loss in our unique ways anything that helps. I’ve had two blocks of bereavement counselling twelve weeks and eight weeks and I am hoping for another block because there are things about my Liams death I’ve still not been able to bring myself to say
Just keep going day to day and most of the days do get easier do whatever makes it easier for you to cope you’ve had one of the worst experiences a human being can ever live through
I only found this site last week and it has helped me so much reading others experiences
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So sorry to hear this Tinker……
I lost my husband in August too……
Please know we all totally understand……it’s a difficult journey ahead and some are further on than others……but we’re all here for each other…….it’s good to talk xxx
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Living day to day after loosing my husband.