I lost my wife of 34 years in August. She was ill for about a year although only recieved a terminal diagnosis 4 weeks before she died. The last 3 weeks of her life were spent in a local hospice. Although people tell me that im doing well…i dont feel like i am and my emotions are all over the place. I cry every day and sometimes have a total melt down where i just feel completely lost.
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My husband died in August , it is still very early on the horrible path we didn’t choose !
Be kind to yourself , there are lots of people in this community who understand how hard it is
x
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Thanks for your support and I am sorry for your loss too. There are so many emotions going round in my head as you will know for yourself. Being kind to myself is easier said than done at the moment. Even at the end, my wife was strong courageous, and dignified. All the things I was not at the time! I feel a huge amount of guilt over that!!
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I know what you mean, I hope you have support around you x
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Tinker, I lost my husband 4 weeks ago. I get it. We seem to be doing well because we are functioning but there is a huge difference between that and living.
We are all functioning and getting through each day robotically but I wouldn’t say we are doing well. I don’t even know who I am anymore.
Of course you feel lost and your emotions are all over the place, you lost your beloved wife of 34 years. What you are experiencing are very normal reactions to losing a spouse as I have learned here in this forum.
I am so sorry that no one can take away this pain from you, but this is something only we can get through, and it is always alone that we do it.
Cry all you want. You are in pain and crying is normal. We are human beings with emotions, we cry when in pain - mental or physical. It has only been 3 months so give yourself the luxury of time. I am afraid you’ve a long road ahead before you start to feel alive again, but don’t run - just walk slowly.
Most people say things get better after the first year, some say that they are still in deep grief 4 years down the road. None of us can predict our future, but I do know that even the worst pain subsides with time.
We never really “get over” the loss, we simply learn to live with it. It helps me to look at photos of my husband when he was young, healthy, and happy rather than what I witnessed at the end.
Let yourself grieve as much as you need. There is no time limit and no rules apply. In 18 months you will be a different person and in a different place mentally. In the meantime, accept that you will not feel “right” for a while and that you will make it through this horrible time in your life.
Much love from New Orleans.
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