Living For Us Both

I lost my mum in November to secondary breast cancer. I still feel as though she’s in hospital so not sure if grief has really struck me or if I mourned her whilst she was slipping away. That said, I made a promise to mum that I would live for us both and that’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do. Documenting my journey in positive videos that I share on social media amongst friends and family. It’s really helped me stay positive and remember her as she really was not how she became.

I recently went back packing around Cambodia, she always wanted to travel. At the time of booking she gave me a sign that I simply couldn’t ignore. Comforting me and reassuring me that it was the right thing to do.

The videos allow me to keep her spirit alive and more importantly they’ll remain as eternal memories that we’ve shared together. Perhaps not in person or tangibly but I know I had my angel by my side, she gave me signs to make my sceptical mind believe that. It has really helped me. Maybe something worth trying, they’re really easy to do, I taught myself on my iMovies app

Hi MyAngelShif,

I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your mum. Thanks so much for sharing your lovely positive video with the community. It seems like a great way to feel a sense of connection to your mum.

It sounds as though you had a wonderful time in Cambodia and your mum would be happy for you - I love the idea that you are living for both of you.

I’m glad that you’ve found our Online Community - there are lots of members here who understand what you are going through and who might also appreciate hearing about your ways of coping. For example, you might be interested in taking a look at these recent conversations from members who have also lost their mums:

You can add a reply to those conversations if you’d like to respond to any of them.

Take care and keep posting if you find that it helps.

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Hi My Ángel Shif,

I’m sorry to hear of your loss and pleased to see your video.

My father passed away in Thorpe Hall Hospice on St George’s Day after a long hard fight. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer about 10 years ago, that wasn’t what got him. It was lung cancer which had spread. He only got diagnosed due to a fall and it was terminal. He was asymptomatic. It would have been his birthday this Friday, 76.

He was cared for so well at home with hospice at home and at the hospice itself where we once again stepped into our roles.

We have all been practical and had the funeral last Friday.

Life does indeed go on. There are lots of things to be grateful for and lots of happy memories. We have kept my Mum company and I’ll be with her on Friday evening.

My Mum said as we left the hospice that he still lives on in me and my brother. I have so many of his traits and humour was and is a useful tool!

Keep on living positively and loving for you both.

H xxx

Hi H.

Thank you for your message and so sorry for your loss. Certain he’s celebrating his birthday today in a better place, laughing and joking as he sounds like a good character. Thoughts and hugs with you and your family. I hope your mum is doing as well as can be. Must be difficult to have lost her soulmate but good that his memory lives on through you and your brother.

Totally agree. My family and I took care of mum at home as that was her wish but she decided in the last hours to go to the hospice who were able to accommodate us. We were so against the idea but they were wonderful. They gave her some dignity so she could leave this world painlessly, gracefully and peacefully.

Soon after mum passed away we had to leave our family home. It was one thing after another. Well so it seemed. It was awful, I couldn’t even go into her room let alone clear everything out so soon after she had gone. That said, you find away and by clearing out the house I found the most amazing photos of mum and I whilst I was a new born and even more of her in her younger days. I never realised how much we look alike! This too has given me comfort and in a way more confidence. I’m proud to look like her, I always used to watch her in awe and dress up in her clothes trying to be her.

Mum was always a positive light. I think there’s a lot to say about seeing things half full. We can’t change somethings unfortunately and they can be so cruel and unfair but I really believe that having a positive perspective allows more light in to your life than darkness which then leaves you open to seeing things that dark clouds shield.

Keep hold of your humour as every time you laugh or make someone else laugh I really do believe your father will be with you laughing too. May he rest in peace.


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