I don’t know the me I used to be, funny, organised, able to put things right for family and friends. I am now this strange being who avoids people as I can’t be bothered with any of their woes. I keep out of neighbors way which is easier in the winter months as I’m asked ‘how are you’ and I have to say okay as it’s what they want to hear. …
It has been some time since Pete sadly left me and Living in a Surreal World seems to sum it up for me. I am fortunate to have a few close friends and family but it doesn’t stop the heartache.
Any one else now in this world.
Love Jenny x
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I know what you mean im the same just cannot be bothered with people. I hate feeling like this as so unlikeme
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Thank you Jan for your reply.
Yes it’s a strange feeling when you know how you used to feel.
Jenny x
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I know what you mean too, it been twenty two months for me. I go through the motions of everyday but nothing has the same meaning. Part of me still expects him to walk through the door. I just missed a phone call from a friend, I should really ring her back, but I haven’t got the energy.
Debbie x
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Hi Debbie,
Yes, I know some phone calls sap your energy, so I put my landline on record then choose when and if I want to return the call. ( Never used to do this) My mobile is easier as I know who’s on the other end…
It’s awful how every aspect of your life changes when the love of your life is not here.
I imagine Pete saying to me ‘Get a Grip Girl’. That made me smile…If only I could.
Love Jenny x
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I’ve so many things I could do, should do, want to do but have no interest or motivation to do them. Why bother is my thinking just now.
On autopilot.
I’d rather be on my own but irritated that I am on my own - everyone else being such busy bees - me trying to climb up the down escalator.
Oh dear what’s going on I ask myself - my hubby would also be saying “get a grip”. Thought I had but I’ve slipped back.
Take care everyone
G. X
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It was 2 years last week. How i am still breathing, i dont know. I still cry every single day and want to tell my love how sorry, how very very sorry i am for all the hard times i gave him, i should have been better, kinder, more loving more supportive, more fun. Just more, i should have been so much more.
For me he isn’t dead, he’s missing.
The dreams are getting worse, they are always about him leaving me, about him being unhappy & he won’t explain to me why he is leaving but he still goes.
I’m existing without him, not living. 2 years. We rarely went 2days without being with each other .
He is missing, not dead.
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Maigret, I know how you feel , it’s 16months without my reason to live , I also just exist ,I feel like I’m a nobody now , existing in a nothing wold , I feel as if I failed my darling husband in everything I did , I couldn’t save him from the cancer, I should of been better in everything , in our happy life together, he was always the strong one , I relied on him for everything , he made me happy , he loved me unconditionally, I know I’m not the easiest person to love ,or to get on with , I have my ways ,but that’s me , well it was me , I don’t know who or what I am now , I do try to find some way of coping without him , but fail at that as well , I know if he can see me he will be disappointed in the way I am dealing with this grief , but it’s the only way I know , I carry the grief where my heart was , because my heart is with my husband , hopefully when it’s my time to go , I will be back in his loving arms where I belong , x take carex
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