Living with my parents in law after my wife's death, they are turning my daughter against me

Losing a partner
1

Hello everyone

My wife Kamila passed away 9 months ago, after 20 months of fighting with breast cancer.

We have been together 23 yrs, lovely marriage with 2 children. Adam 10 yrs old and Maja 15. We are Polish but from 20 yrs living in Ireland. Every year we had my parents in law in our house, on Christmas, Easter, sometimes even longer.

I was thinking that our relationship is pretty good. When my wife passed away I asked them to stay longer and help me with children till I’ll be ready to keep going.

Financially everything was on my head, so I returned to work as Store Manager on full time to have enough money to pay bills.

7 months after my wife’s death I said that I’m starting to think about sending them back to Poland, there is a time to start living withmy children on my own.

I though that there is nothing wrong with that until they started playing strange games against me, blaming me for not enough money, no time for children and many more.

So I decided to quite my job, there will be more time for children, I’ll send parents in law to Poland, so less expenses, and on the top of that I’ll sell apartment in Poland after my mum- financial booster.

Everything was going in right direction but parents in law couldn’t accept going back to Poland. At the same time I started visiting my female neighbour, we had few coffees, chat, mostly chat, but I started thinking that it might be a new start for me and my family. When my mother in law found out that I’m meeting a woman she mad a war at home, started shouting on me , how I dare to meet a woman, she turn my daughter against me which are angry cause I had not enough time for both of them.

First 8 months after my wife’s death I was depressed, sad, angry, when I started meeting new woman my life get bright and happy again. That happiness been broken by my parents in law - they gave me an ultimatum, I have to break with that woman or ill loose my children.

I was thinking that can’t be the truth but they started creating fake statements and fake stories against me. After 2 weeks I lost bunch of friends.

Everyday we have a war at home, I asked them to don’t do that in front my children but they are doing that to turn my children against me.

What to do? Can someone help me please?

How to deal with toxic parents in law which aren’t leave the house.

I’m begging about help.

Thank you

Regards

2

Hello Piotr, first of all, so sorry to hear of your wife’s passing, losing a spouse is one of the hardest things we will go through in our lives…and you still have young children to look after. I understand why you asked your in laws for help, but it sounds like they have crossed the line , ..they should just be concerned about their grandkids and not about any new friendships you find. Its a shame they don’t want to return to Poland, because turning your kids against you is just horrific :cry:. In my opinion, they need to return home, let youand your kids live your lives as you see fit. May God bless you, will be praying for you :folded_hands:

1 Like
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Thank you for a lovely words. But situation is more complicated cause my daughter is against me too now thinking that I’m doing something terrible when meeting new woman.

I never expected that I’ m not allowed to start new episode in my life.

4

Hello, so sorry, your daughter is at an age when they become a little bit more rebellious, im not saying your daughter is , but that’s how some teenage girls are, I was one many years ago and my own daughter was quite rebellious, and for no reason. And your daughter is grieving her mother. It’ll probably take awhile before your daughter accepts you meeting new people. Sorry , im not helping, but you can lay out all your frustrations. We hear you, God bless

5

We all have a choice and it’s up to us to do what works the best for us, because everyone is different. I’m not planning anything like that, but obviously I have a problem with adopted children of my dearest husband. When he died, they started fighting against me to get my house and my everything. The house is mine, but it’s a real nightmare that makes my grief even more unbearable. I pray every day, so it’ll be over soon and I may finally get some peace…
Janka

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all the best from me, hopefully you will have your peace soon, I’m dreaming about the same, when finally there will be peace, no toxic parents in law in my house.