Living with the loss of my wife and solemate

Its 11 weeks since my beloved wife passed away. She was only 57 and i 59. Although the illness was a short one my life was and still is turned upside down & inside out. We did everything as 1 and now im alone finding even the most simple jobs so so difficult. Everything i do or anywhere i go reminds me of us being together and the pain inside never eases. I think of her and miss her morning, noon and night with each day becoming more n more difficult to deal with. The family slowly have edged away less & less texts or calls and visits almost nil. I try so hard to keep my head up & have some kind of life as i know she would have wanted me to do, however a life without my wife is purely an existance. Im sure everyone on here feels the same and my heart goes out to you all at your sadness. Life can & is so cruel and to have such a wonderfull, kind and loving person ripped from us is the most unkind and heartless thing anyone could face and yet here we all are faced with exactly that. My love for her will never fade nor no doubt the feelings of pain & emptyness. She was my whole world, my life, my existance and without her my world and life have gone. Each day i get up and prepare to face another and this goes on and on and on, there is a hell but its here and its a living hell. Each day & night roll on into the next without any purpose anymore. Ive chatted with some lovely people on this site and each have their own sorrow & sadness and i thank them for their kind words, i would love to chat with someone from my area ( newcastle ) however there never appears to be anyone on. The truth is im lost without my rock at my side. I do and will carry on but i also wonder what is the point


I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum 12 weeks ago tomorrow. My dad could have probably written your post. You are certainly not alone. I’ve just said goodbye to my dad. Tears rolling down his cheeks. He will go back into his empty house. He will wander round the shops later. Buyhis meal for one then he will come home. And tomorrow will start again. I don’t have any words. I had none for my dad. I am sure others on this site who have lost a partner will offer better words than I can. I just wanted to you to know someone was listening.

Thank you so much for your kindness. I am so sorry for your loss and having already lost both parents i know the heartache you must be feeling. Bereavement has no rules no rights or wrongs and each of us must deal with it in whatever way we get comfort from. I struggle each day trying to find that comfort, the only way i get through each hour and day is KNOWING one day i shall be at my wifes side again. I dont want to be here anymore but i promised her i would do the best i can and carry on and thats what i must do. I wish you well and hope at some point in your life peace and comfort comes to you in whatever shape or form
Kind regards

I’m sorry joules that must be so hard. I dont think my dad would have coped without my mum. I’m pleased he went before her although i wish it wasnt so long before her x

Hi, I thought you might be interested in this group…
They have actual groups and meet ups in different parts of the country. You might find somebody in your area you can chat with, and maybe meet up properly to help ease your loneliness . I know it’s not the same…but might help . I am thinking of joining their sister organisation for under 50s. I think it might be helpful especially when everybody else goes back to their own lives…you and many of us here have lost the most important person in our lives, we can’t replace them…and don’t want to…but we don’t have to be alone…there are people to help. Xxxx

Thank you for your " link " and words of support. Your right in everything you say. I wish you well x

Hope you’re ok. I’m told it’s a pain you learn to live with. My Aunty lost her husband suddenly. They were each other’s world. They had no children. That was 10 years ago. She is still here. And she smiles and she lives. She is ok. She has friends and a job and she visits his grave every day. But she is ok.

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Dear Newcastle man.
I have never joined an online forum before but when I read your post I felt as though you were saying everything I feel. I lost my husband just recently, he was 57, as am I… he was diagnosed with cancer and died within a month, he really had not been unwell and we were shocked beyond belief at his diagnosis.
I felel as you do, I miss him every second of every day., we have been robbed of the future we had planned and it is so unfair. I look at this beautiful autumn and it breaks my heart that he is not here to see it I wake up every morning with a sense of total unbelief, grief and horror about what had happened. I cannot live my life alone, without him. But what else can I do? Other than take each day at a time. We were together 35 years and did everything together. I am unable to contemplate a future without him, make a decision without him or do the things that I know he would still want me to do… I have no answers for you, only to let you know that you are not alone and maybe that helps.
I do think it helps to talk about it and to express what you are feeling to others. People have said to me to be happy for the 35 years we had, and that in time I will be
able to look at his picture with happiness rather than grief - to be honest I don’t feel as though that will ever be the case, the grief is just too much.

Hello Newcastle Man
I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife. My husband passed away in April after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer which had spread to his liver only 3 weeks earlier. He was 49 and I am 55. Our lives will never be the same and like you the calls and invites have gradually reduced. I’ve feel I go through the motions most days and wonder what my purpose is anymore.
I wanted to reply to you as I live in the Newcastle area and have always looked to see if there was some one local on here.
I’d be happy to chat with someone in similar situation to me.

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Hi Newcastle man.

I’m so sorry for your loss,I lost my lovely wife 15 weeks ago,and every pain you have described I also feel that pain,we were married for 40 wonderful years.
Sadly she lost her battle with cancer after fighting it for over 2 years,I like you just walk round in a daze,everyday it seems to get harder,and the phone calls ease off,it’s just lonely each and everyday without her,I have started to see a counsellor,but Sue Ryder also have a online counsellor site,I try to keep busy each day,which helps,but since joining the site recently I have had such kind support,from people who understand our pain.keep strong,please don’t give up.

Best wishes

Thank you for getting intouch and your kind words. I appreciate your honesty and kindness. Im sorry for your personal loss and it sounds like your going through all emotions i currently have. The loss is so difficult to live with but somehow we must carry on regardless. I do so for my sons sake not for my own.
I hooe you find some comfort & peace at some point and thank you for your kind reply.
Best wishes

I feel exactly the same as you. It has been 6 months since my husband died and I am really struggling. It does help knowing these feeling are normal but it is still hard getting through each day even knowing that. I miss all the things we used to do and it seems pointless to go to the trouble of cooking a meal for one so I end up not bothering and just having something that is quick to make.

I know exactly how you feel, I lost the love of my life suddenly 7 weeks ago. The shock the anger the disbelief :sob: The split second every morning before you remember they are gone and you are facing another day without them. I think I am on autopilot half the time. I lost my mum 3 weeks before my husband but she was 88 and had been ill for a long time and did not want to be here anymore, it was her time to go. My Dad is 91 and in a care home with dementia yet my Darling Colin was the one who was taken I can’t comprehend it. I have brilliant friends and family that are a great support but they have no idea what it feels like to lose the person who was your whole world. If I hear ‘God only gives you what you can handle’ I am going to do physical damage! As for ‘You are so strong’ :rage: they don’t see you wandering the house lost, alone looking at photos and videos of your beloved and crying your eyes out :sob: the crushing pain in your chest whenever you think ‘if only’ and go over the whole scenario again and again. Grieving for your life together that has been cruelly snatched away from you in the worst possible way. Listen to me, Not exactly cheering you up eh! :roll_eyes: Although I do know what you are going through as I am the same and it is not easy but the fact there are so many of us in the same boat helps a tad. Hope tomorrow is a bit easier for you (and me) :wink:

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Dear Mrs Colt,
I know exactly what you mean, waking up and reaching out for your beloved, I do that every morning then the shock hits me all over again.
Your post is such a sad one, maybe we will become used to being without our loved ones, in a way I don’t want to, I would hate to feel disloyal to my Stan.

I’m exactly the my wife passed recently,We did everything together.Shopping going out.And even done everything to get her.Then she was gone.Dont believe it ,My soul mate.

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