I felt I was getting on with my life. I have sorted out things and going out more. With this lockdown I feel worse as the weeks go by. I find it hard to get motivated to do anything now. I cry a lot. I miss him so much.
Dear Angela, I am so sorry that youâre in this place. I can tell you that the âmissing himâ never goes. It will be 3 years in June since I lost my wonderful husband and I can honestly say heâs still on my mind every minute of every day. I miss him like crazy but I wouldnât have it any other way. Itâs as it should be. I talk to him often . I never want to forget what itâs like to talk to him. I imagine, sometimes even voice, his response to my chatter. Itâs hard Angela, living on our own.
With regards lockdown, well actually, Iâm kind of appreciating this slower pace of life. Iâm pottering about and taking the time to stop and stare. Itâs amazing what you see when you take the time to look, to really look. Nature is going on around us, it never stops. Nature knows nothing of lockdown. Take time for you Angela, really take time. Take time to look around you. This is all about you. Youâre whatâs important now. Maybe sit and write a letter to your man. Tell him how youâre feeling, tell him what you see, what youâve been doing. You might be surprised at the comfort that brings.
I worry that my post will be of little help to you because my thinking is different now Iâm this far into my journey of grief. But I remember what it was like at the beginning, not knowing how I was ever going to move forward from my loss. Some of those feelings are still with me and I know will never leave me. Take care dear Angela and let the love of your husband surround you. Wallow in his love. Xx
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Hi Angela, you donât say how long it is since you have been on your own and yet you say you have got things sorted. I remember very well thinking that I had got things sorted and then went into meltdown for over two weeks and if someone hadnât phoned to ask why I hadnât attended a group I went to, I could still be sat in my night clothes with a bottle on the table. I think itâs common and with the lockdown even more so and even now with this horrible situation I am tempted to say âletâs forget the worldâ. You are definitely not alone but things will get better, not back as they were but better than today. Take heart knowing that you are not alone and we all have to fight our demons, thatâs why we have them. If we hadnât loved so much it would be easier but then we wouldnât have known that love. Take care and know that we are thinking of you. Blessings S
Thank you. My husband died just before Christmas, so very early days really. I have sorted out a lot, but still some to do. Actually the last few days I have felt a bit better. I know I have to stay in and not socialise but I miss my kids and grandkids so much. We Facetime but itâs not the same. A short walk every day helps. I know there are a lot worse than me.
Angela, yes very early days and not being able to have family around is awful. From what you have said I think, like me, keeping busy helps. You go to bed tiered and that then helps you sleep. FaceTime helps with knowing how the family are but itâs no substitute for actually seeing and touching. I have just FaceTime our grandson on his tenth birthday which is fine but not quite the same. Yes you will have good days, even weeks and then something will just trigger it off but you sound very strong and capable, those times you fight it and put that brave face on. It never goes away for long, itâs like a constant companion that you learn to live with. Itâs a pain that we have to put up with because of the love we had and itâs the price we have to pay. All those wonderful years and glorious memories which will always be with us, so In someways itâs a small price to pay, even when it hurts so much. Keep fighting and keep being busy and always think how well you have done getting through all the âstuffâ, be proud of your achievements and how well things are going but also how proud he would be and how he would feel about the way you are dealing with your new life. Keep smiling and look after yourself with the love he gave you. Blessings S
Thank you for the message. Yes I do appreciate nature. I love watching how the seasons change. The bluebells in the woods are wonderful. They remind me of Roy, he loved them. I have felt a bit better the last few days. But it is very early days. Thanks again.
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My husband died in August 2017 and I endorse what Crazy Kate said, that the missing him never goes, but you learn to wrap life around it. The hard part with lockdown is that there isnât much life to wrap around it and when we live alone it magnifies our isolation.
I am pleased that you have children and grandchildren with whom you keep in contact and that you walk daily. I have no family but I have dogs and my early morning dog walk is my salvation. I hope that you are able to establish friendly acquaintanceships with fellow walkers just as I have with hello early morning dog walkers. Face to face conversations, albeit at a safe distance and at a pretty superficial level, can be very uplifting.
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Your post is encouraging in that in 3 years time, we whom are here, will be âthereâ, for me day 7, I will not say a week until tonight 1 second after midnight. Suddenly time is relevant. 44 years married plus 2 dating and then living with each other
Thank you Susie123, your post is just what I needed to read today x
Hi Whitbychris, thatâs so lovely of you for saying that I have helped because we are all in such a trouble world without the virus and now with the virus our lives are so different. We are here and need to continue with âaâ sort of life and we have to work at that and itâs hard. Each day I try to achieve something, some days itâs very small but others I am very pleased with myself. Do I assume you live in beautiful Whitby? Itâs a while since we visited but who knows sometime soon it just may happen. Keep reading and posting because it does help many people to get through those bad days. Bless you. xx