On the 23rd October, I lost my beautiful wife to Cancer. She passed away in my arms at 0120 in the morning.
I have good days and bad days. The days feel so lonely but the nights are worse. It seems I close the door at 5pm and there is nothing to look forward to except for emptiness. I feel like I’m just going through the motions.
My kids are great and call me each day. In fact, my daughter calls in the morning and the evening, plus she visits me almost every day. I also have a great group of friends, and to be honest, since my wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer in September, there has only been one weekend where I have not been out for an evening with one of them.
So why do I feel so lonely? Why do I feel so empty?
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Booce,
I’m terribly sorry to hear how you are feeling. My partner was diagnosed in June and we were told he only had short months. He passed away 4th September at home with me by his side.
Like you i was going through the motions, friends and family called every day and visited, but i still felt so lonely.
What i will say, is that 3 months later i feel as though i have turned a corner and I’m ready to face the rest of my life with him in my heart.
For me, it was waiting it out, for better feelings, i hope that you will begin to feel the same way.
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I believe that it is because you’ve lost your soulmate and nobody could ever replace her. I think of Paul as the other half of myself and when he died it was like having half of my soul ripped off - it was painful and raw. The wound is starting to heal slowly and will continue to heal slowly - but that half of myself will always be missing until we are together again. 
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Hi,
You can be lonely when you are in a room full of people so what you are feeling is normal. It will take a long time . Just try to take small steps each day and set yourself little targets to get through each day. Think about your own wellbeing and rest,eat properly and keep interacting with people around you.
Wish I could say more but I don’t know the answers myself
deborah x
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Sorry for your loss I lost my partner to terminal brain cancer on 2nd of December 23. I am so lost as we did everything together. My grown children have been amazing but I feel so empty. I know I have to return to work but I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to get through another day without him sending a hug your way
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Hi Debbie,
It’s hard, isn’t it. I’m lucky that my employer has been brilliant all through it and has allowed me time to grieve and let me return to work when I felt it was right. To be honest, going back to work has helped a bit. I’ve also taken up writing poetry to express my feelings. I’ve never done anything like this in my life. Here’s one that you might relate to:
Tough days drift
Tough nights go
Days drag on
Nights go so slow
Sat here alone
Thinking of you
Nowhere to go
Nothing to do
Go out they say
Go have some fun
But nothings the same
Without my only one
Memories made
A love that was true
Happier times
When I was with you
You are still in my heart
You are still on my mind
My heart broke when you died
Life can be so unkind
Life must go on
That is what you told me
I know I should try
But I just feel so lonely
I will not give up
I will keep on trying
But please forgive me
For at times, I start crying
So here am I
So lost without you
But I will carry on
With memories of the love I knew
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What a lovely poem, my employer has been great as I looked after my partner since we found out he had a Glioblastoma grade 4 inoperable in September 23 so I haven’t been back since. I really need to try and go back to work because at least I will have to get up and get dressed and hoping it will be a distraction.
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Maybe do what I did. Start by working 2 or 3 mornings for the first week, then a couple of full days the following week and just build up to it. IF your bosses will allow it and you don’t feel up to the day you planned, go in the next day. Hope that helps x
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Yes thank you I will speak to my boss before I return to see what he thinks. x
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