Since my partner passed last month ive been struggling with a tonne of emotions which i know are normal.
But no one tells you about the loneliness…my partner was everything to me, best friend, love of my life the list is endless.
Whenever i would feel low, upset etc he would be the one i would turn to. Whereas now, it feels like i have nobody. My family are around me occasionally, i try to open up but they dont really say anything so its like im bothering them or they dont really want to hear about my.grief anymore so i tend to try and fake that im ok and then let.my emotions out when im on my own
Friends havent really been reaching out to check on me so i feel.forgotten about or avoided because of everything im going through and feeling. So the loneliness just grows and grows…
I dont.know how to cope with it and was wondering if anyone really had any advice.to help me through
I’m so sorry for the loss of your partner, @Icanlovemebetter_xo. I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts, but in the meantime, you might want to read our support page on loneliness:
The community were really involved in creating this article, so there’s lots of real life experiences and suggestions for coping which might be helpful to you
So sorry for your loss. I cant really help you as I too am so lonely. I have lovely family around me but they have their own busy lives and I’m afraid friends have just disappeared. I lost my love 19 months ago and it is really so very hard. He was always there for me. 51 years with him beside me, now no one. I think it is always worse this time of year when the weather is so bad. I really hope things get better for you. Take care.
Ann
I don’t think anyone can give you any magic advice. It’s all the usual, one day at a time, baby steps etc etc. it’s been 15 weeks for me and although I still cry every day I do have better days. I write a journal every day telling my husband all that is happening and how I am feeling. Some talk to their pictures or just out loud but I find comfort in writing to him, and I can pretend he is not so far away. I hope you find your own way through this awful time. Everything in our lives has changed. Friends, family, finances, the food we eat, the tv we watch. Without realising it we made space and adjustments for the one we loved and now we have no direction. The person we were is gone, we have to now get to know who we will become.
Like @AnnieG1 and @Debsie1
I can’t give you any magic answers
But I do agree with them
Its 11 months tomorrow since my world imploded.
Like @Debsie1 I write to Roger every day and I also talk to him. I still cry every day but I am getting on with life, because I have to and because I promised him I would be ok.
It’s very early days for you and you are so young. Are there any bereavement clubs near you? I started going to one after I lost Roger and I have made some really good friends.
Everyone is in the same situation and really understands what you are going through
I know its a very hard thing to answer just didnt know who else to ask as no one close to be has been through losing a partner so i cant really turn to them for help.
Its only been 7 weeks and every emotion and feeling i seem to be going through.
I did have a look for groups but coulsnt see any directly near me and i dont drive but will keep looking. Have also been in contact with counselling groups so just waiting for a appointment to come through.
I am in the same boat here, it’s been less than a month for me too. As Liz says it’s a great community here, I thought this would be the last place I would want to be, no offence, but I find it really helpful to know that what I’m feeling is normal, well as normal as you can be anyway.
that was interesting about writing to him,my son was getting some help/advice and it was suggested he wrote to his dad,so he emails him,i have found this platform,writing,not talking is a good way to get it out of your system,it looks like we are in similar boats sailing the same storm. in 24 hours i have learnt lots since joining. i wish you well
Yes. One of the grief experts I follow says all of the rituals that you shared with someone from meals, TV programs, conversation, etc. are all upended. I think the loss of self, identity, is something I never expected, trying to figure it out.
I was advised to tell people things about him whenever possible, that way he gets to live on through me, but the only person I have spoken to since he died is his mother, and I think she already know a fair bit about him, so instead I come on here and tell you lot so, Sorry. Xx
I think you will find that the majority of us harbour some form of guilt. Real or imagined.
I feel guilt over having a go at him when he was very ill, I was exhausted but that was no excuse. My counsellor said its normal to get that way. She asked what was the last thing said to him, that was easy, " I love you I will always love you". She said that I must remember the last thing he heard me say was I love you, not me having a go.
It has helped
Please get some help if you feel like ending it, help is out there
I’m not sure how far you are along this journey. The first weeks I was unable to sleep with the what ifs. Round and round my head they went. Could I have phoned 111 earlier? Should I have made sure he got a bed in critical care. I still feel so guilty for going home, not thinking for a moment I wouldn’t be able to talk to him again. But all I did was with the best intentions. He knew I love him. I knew he loved me. I knew he would not have blamed me and would hate to see me unhappy. It doesn’t stop the guilt. I can say however that I can now accept that there is nothing I can do to change anything. I made the wrong decision. I was so angry with the doctors for not telling me how serious it was. I got to talk to her where I made it quite clear the distress that was caused by them not spelling it out. She assured me she would take what I said on board. But as the weeks have gone by I have forgiven myself. I still have the regrets but I have learned to live with them. I am sure you will too, whatever it is.
@Debsie1 So sorry for your loss. What you have wrote is word for word what I am going through. I have always been a ‘what if’ person and my husband bless him would tease me about it all the time.
I miss him so so much.
Ann
You are so right when you say that losing our loved one has changed us and made us different people. Finding ways to navigate a future I hadn’t dare imagined is so challenging, I’m trying my best to make it a positive change and fulfill my potential in this life that I have. Some days I am full of optimism and love and others I’m so tired and despairing. I read somewhere that grief is not for the faint hearted and boy, they are right! This is the big stuff and it’s often overwhelming. The cliche of taking things day by day when feeling it’s too much is definitely good advice.
That’s me, trying to find a way to navigate an uncertain future. Not sure about how. I don’t want to waste my life, but not sure how to move forwards. My husband would not want me moping. He never did and w/ his health challenges, he moved forward for many years w/all the stuff he had to deal with.
Nancy 123
Welcome to a place where you will hopefully find comfort. I lost my wife Gwen in September with Pancreatic cancer that had spread to her liver, it was agony seeing her in so much pain, and to add an insult to what was happening my sister collapsed beside my wifes bed in hospital with a brain bleed and died my wife diedfour days later.
I have found being on here has helped me.
Take care
