Hi my husband passed in September 2021. How do you cope with the loneliness my family are amazing but I think they forget that I spend most days on my own (and I wouldn’t want to let them know how I feel) they have their own lives. I was his carer so my days were filled with his needs (I would do it all again) and now my days are empty I miss the structure of the days. How do you get through this and the weird feelings churning in my tummy. The afternoons and evenings are not so bad the mornings are awful
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Hi @Salrpl
My husband died in March 2021, so I can relate to how you are feeling and I am so sorry for your loss.
I was his carer for last few years as well as still working so I know how hard that is, and it doesn’t lessen the shock when you lose them.
I still work, but the loneliness is something I don’t think I will ever get used to, there is no easy answer.
My daughter said to me not long after her dad died, how much it upset her that she gets to go home to her family and she leaves me on my own, we both had a good cry.
I try to keep busy, as well as working, I help at my local church, regularly meet friends for coffee or lunch. I spend alot time with my family, go to cinema, theatre, quizz nights, and sometimes just going for a walk.
I don’t watch TV as much as I used too, can’t seem to concentrate for any length of time, but I still read alot and I listen to music.
For me the evenings are the worst I miss him being here when I get home from work, miss watching and discussing TV programmes together, miss the companionship and having a cuddle.
I just take one day at a time.
Sending love, Debbie X
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Hi lovely, I’m so deeply sorry that you have lost your dear husband. I think losing a partner is one of the hardest things to go through and I dread it. I lost my mum and not a partner, but I can relate to the feeling that your days are empty now as I spent a lot of my life looking after my mum’s emotional needs as she had complex mental health issues, and put so much time and energy into helping her. I know it’s not quite the same. I have felt quite lost and I wonder if that’s how you feel? You devoted so much of your life to caring for your dear husband, that it must feel very strange now. My heart goes out to you. I wish I had some brilliant advice as to be honest, my mum died in February and I’m struggling a lot with it. You must miss your hubby so very much. He must have been your world. Sending so much love, prayers and gentle hugs and strength. I hope that it starts to get easier with time, but for now, please be gentle with yourself and patient. Take care Xxx
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Dear Debbie thank you for replying and so sorry for your loss and for your Daughter losing her dad my girls miss their dad so much as well. I am going to join a new club and see if I can push myself to go on my own. I hope to feel better eventually but realises it is baby steps so I hope your grief will lesson over time as well. Please take care of yourself and love to you
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Hi Salrpl,
So sad to hear this.
My wife passed away six weeks ago and even in that short space of time I have started feeling, lonely and alone. I then feel guilty for actually having these thoughts although at some level I know it is irrational. Unfortunately I have no answers as grief is so individual, just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and wish you love.
Joe x
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Thank you for you lovely message you are right we had been together for 54 years we married at18 and yes you do feel lost I hate it but have had a few bereavement appointments which have tried to help, but in my heart I know it will take a lot of time. I will take it slowly and I hope I will be able to get my concentration back as it’s very difficult to do anything that I liked thank you and love and prayers for you too.
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Hi,
I empathise with a lot of the feelings talked-about in this thread…my experience is that I looked after my dad for 12 years prior to his passing some 13 weeks ago…I find the mornings desperate, I’m full of fear cry regularly …I also find that every day brings something new and not in a good way confusion is another big one for me, I actually don’t know if I’m in shock still even if it’s possible to be suffering from shock for this length of time…this is my second parent to pass I lost my mum 24 years ago in tragic circumstances and I was distraught but nothing like this…unbelievable actually, I’m 53 years old and have never been so afraid in all my life.
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Thank you Joe I feel for you and your loneliness sending love and prayers
X
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Patrick of course it’s not long and I think I am learning that grief works in many ways and the mornings are the hardest for us we just have to hang on to that we will progress and learn to live without them but they will never really leave us (that’s what I tell my self) take care of you x
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Hi Joe, I so sorry, but it so early on in your grief journey since you wife passed away. You will still be in shock and your emotions are going to be all over the place.
Just give your self time, sending love , Debbie X
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Hi
My husband also died in sept 21 and I was his carer for the last 3 years. I also feel lonely a lot of the time. I do have lovely family and friends but you still have to be home alone a lot as like you say they have their own lives. I eventually had to go to the doctors as I was suffering anxiety which was mainly in my stomach. I am now on anti depressants which have helped but it’s still there at times. Mornings are bad as you have the whole day ahead of you.
Take care xx
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Hello Patrick, I so sorry for your loss, you have spent such a long time looking after you dad, you are going to feel lost.
After 13 weeks you are still in shock, and it will take time to adjust to life without your dad.
Our son is still struggling with losing his dad 15 months on.
It doesn’t matter how old you are, your suddenly thrown into a world on your own and that frightening.
Talk to your GP, and try councilling, please don’t suffer on your own.
Sending love Debbie X
Thanks for your kind words Debbie, I’ve already talked with my gp who has put me forward for counselling but to be honest I’m not expecting much @Debbie57
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Yes, it’s hard for our children too. I hope the club you are going to join works out for you and you make some new friends. It’s a small step but a step in the right direction.
Take care and love. Debbie x
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@Shoesy, I’ve just read your other thread about feeling exhausted. I’m so sorry about your mum.
As a mum I know what our own children are going through, they both supported me but I know they are grieving too. Our daughter who is my rock with helping me with her dad, has been getting panic attacks, and our son is really struggling at the moment and has started councilling.
Feeling exhausted is normal, I see your sleeping more but for me it’s not sleeping and with working I do feel exhausted most of the time. Give yourself time, your looking after your dad and brother, don’t forget you need to look after yourself too. Sending love and prayers. Debbie X
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I can’t explain to people the feeling of loneliness I get when the door is closed, locked then double checking you’ve locked the door.
That’s the reality of someone not coming home. 
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Thanks ever so much - I so appreciate your reply. I’m really sorry that you’ve lost your husband. That must be utterly devastating and my heart breaks for you. So sorry that your son and daughter are struggling in different ways - I’m not surprised either. It’s horrible losing a parent. Thank you for helping me feel more normal with your kind words! My exhaustion is complicated by the fact I have a serious chronic illness too. And although I normally feel pretty tired a lot and before Mum died, but this is on another level. And yes you’re right, I do need to try and take care of myself as well as looking after my Dad and brother. Wise words. Much love and prayers to you too and big hugs. Take care xxxx
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Sorry to all on this thread for your loss
I lost my darling husband of 34 years three weeks ago . It is raw despair at the moment.
I just feel lost so I can empathise with how you feel .
Being a pretty strong person I know I will get through this even losing my other family members over the years they are never far from my thoughts. My husbands lost is different I cared for him over a short space of time from diagnosis never expecting he would be gone in a few months I was in denial that he would leave me , yes I have days of saying to him why dis you go today my melt down was moving his tool boxes he insisted on keeping in the kitchen I moved them bur then had to put them back as if he could see me .
The next mountain will be the shed or workshop as he called it my sons are not interested only my daughter is being practible and helping me
It’s early and after reading some of your postings I am going to change my mindset .
Thank you 
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