Loneliness

I lost my husband of 45 years last August he was ill f

or 8 weeks 4 days…we met when I was 15 so we were together 49 years in total…my soul mate…
I keep myself busy which is exhausting but that’s what I need to do. I’m lucky I have lovely family and friends that support me…but…
I am so lonely…one of my husband’s old school friends has been messaging me occasionally at first with jokes and asking how I am…he has been so kind and thoughtful .and has made me laugh.
I miss my husband so much and miss having someone to hold me, hold my hand, cuddle me and be close together…his friend has taken away some of the loneliness…I feel awful like I’m betraying my husband and it’s too soon to be feeling like this but he is turning my head and I really look forward to hearing from him…has anyone else felt like this so early on…:see_no_evil:

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If this man brings you comfort then go for it you have suffered enough sadness life is short and clearly you have been a good wife just take it slowly and checkout this man’s intentions are good for you thinking of you

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Thankyou…

That’s a brilliant start! Take it slow and be cautious, but enjoy it. Would your husband want you to be lonely and unhappy? Best of luck!!

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No he wouldn’t, my dilemma is I have only know one man in my life, my husband, so it feels that what I’m feeling is wrong and disrespecting my husband…thankyou…

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Listen to your heart and not your head your not betraying anyone. Personally I wouldn’t feel guilty for feeling good. But that’ s just me griefs a funny animal it’s makes us make poor decisions at times. I would say it maybe feels a bit scary. After what you have been through.

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For the time being, just think of him as a kind, caring person, not as a man. Keep it as that until you realise that you are ready for more, if you ever are.

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If your husband’s old friend is unattached then what is the problem? It’s your life and you need to make the most of it.

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Thankyou…its all so alien isnt it…and I just want to do whats right…time will tell…
My husband would want me to be happy, he told me to live life, smile, laugh, enjoy life, be sociable and travel… he just summed me up really…
Thankyou again.

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Thankyou…I’m over thinking things.

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Well that’s the dilemma, he isn’t married but is with someone. He came to see me the other week just for a cup of tea in the garden, afterwards I asked if his lady knew he had been and he said he would be totally honest with me and he hadn’t told her, I have heard that he isnt happy but that’s the big issue …:see_no_evil:

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Oh dear, that makes things a little difficult. You need to be careful to protect yourself from any further emotional upset so take it very slowly.

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Exactly…he is on holiday this week and I thought I wouldn’t hear from him but he is still messaging me…and being kind…I need to be careful as I don’t want anymore upset and i dont want my loneliness to cloud my judgement…

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Two good points think of yourself and what you need. I have that problem the loneliness can cloud your judgement. Your vulnerable as we all are. Being in survival mode is so draining. So even if a glimmer of hope comes along it can make you think that things are getting better. As you say been through enough as it is without any more pain. Needed.

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Thankyou MarkC…I have so many people in my life but it’s that awful loneliness when you shut the door etc etc isn’t it…
I feel that my loneliness is clouding my judgement, reading too much into things etc etc. :see_no_evil:

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Yeah it is I see a Occupational Therapist once a week. To help with my mental health. Been agoraphobic for a while now. Have been doing some shopping trips. When I come back and as you say close the door. The loneliness kicks in and I go downhill. I used to care for my mum.

Once she went into care my whole life changed. Went downhill felt lost and lonely. She passed last year in November. I’m feeling more lost and lonely than ever before.

Just can’t get used to it. Have no friends so see no one. Don’t know what to do from one day to the next just tend to go through the motions as it were.

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Oh I’m so sorry to hear that.
You take care of yourself and when you feel like it try and join something you enjoy, that will hopefully help you make friends and make it easier for you…

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Im 2 years in now i felt like you do i joined 2 meet up groups near me iv maid so many friends we go out for meals,theater .bowling .walks see if you have meet up groups where you live good luck Simon X

Hi i have a ex boyfriend who when he found out my husband had passed away he started messaging me and asking how i was he has also been round for a coffee i also feel like i am betraying him as my ex has made me laugh and that i am not on my own but i still love and miss my husband so much

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