hi all- I have posted on here before my name is Alan.
my wife died nov 22nd and was buried 8th dec last year. I am finding life very hard to cope with at the moment.everywhere I go I am on my own- cinema-theatre shopping etc I went on a day trip 2 weeks ago on a coach I was the only one out of about 30 people on my own. It is so hard not to have somebody to interact with.I have a step-daughter who is not easy to get on with she is rather argumentative and I find it is easier to keep our meetings to a minimum I have no friends- my wife was my only real friend-plus I am quite quiet. I find that no matter what effort I make to go out here and there- it is more of an ordeal as I am always alone. As I am 70 years old it is hard to start joining clubs or going to the gym etc .I feel like I am just going through life day after day with no hope or happiness,any way writing this has made me feel a bit better best wishes to you all Alan
Hello Alan, I am really sorry that you are struggling with your life, since your dear wife died several months ago. It must seem to you that your whole world has ended, and you are trying to face being on your own. At the moment, when you go out, it seems as if there are couples everywhere - this will gradually change for you Alan, and you will start to notice more people around who, like you, are on their own. Please try and give yourself time to adjust to your new ‘normal’ life. I know it’s going to be tough for you, but it is worth looking around for new hobbies to try, particularly if it helps you to make new friends! I am thinking of you and hope you will find serenity - with kind regards, Jackie
Hi Alan. If only there was a magic wand to make our grief easier to bear. Unfortunately, there is no miracle cure for us. I am so sorry you are going through this awful time on your own. I do know how you feel I have a robotic existence since my husband passed away, it will be 9 months this Sunday. In my case I have work to keep me occupied during the day, evenings and weekends are a totally different story a different life entirely. I am practically on my own too and it is difficult not being able to discuss things, trying to tackle jobs, appointments and making decisions. Talk to your wife, I talk to John all the time it helps me. Be kind to yourself, give yourself time. Take care Libby xx
Hi Alan, so sorry to hear of your loss. I know exactly what you are going through because I lost my wife in July last year. Fortunately I have two sons both who I see regularly. People say time is a great healer and I’m sure they are right, but sometimes it sure doesn’t feel like it.
You say at 70 you are too old to join a club. I will be 72 this year and have recently joined the West Berks Ramblers. Many of them are of a similar age and have also lost partners.
You could also join a bowls club. I am a member of West Berks Indoor Bowls Club and many members are 70 plus. I don’t know where you live but I can give you details of both clubs if you would like them.
I know you can’t rush into things because when my wife died I did nothing for a couple of months, I didnt want to even go out. When I did, people that I knew tried to avoid me because they didn’t know what to say. Things are getting easier .
When you feel ready, you can always contact me via this site for details of the clubs.
Best wishes
David
Hello Alan, there are so many of us going through the same thing and it is hard. The others have said about joining groups, you just have find the right thing for you, try your local library, they can tell you what there is in your area. Like you I am on my own, our sons live aboard. Don’t try to do it all on your. Think about a cat or dog, I got a cat and it is nice to come and find her there, the house is not empty. Take care of yourself, eat well and walk, oh and don’t hit the bottle to much. Thinking of you.
Hi Alan,
I’m new to the community having just joined today. I saw your post and wanted to say hello. I feel so sad for you. Please look after yourself. I am sending you a big hug.
Consider a pet as one of the previous posters suggests - something else to care for can really help with healing and loneliness.
I lost my dad 4 weeks ago, hence why I joined the community today as am really struggling.
Take care and be kind to yourself.
Janice
Hello Janice - welcome to our Online Community. I want to thank you for giving your support to Alan while you are going through such a tough time yourself. You must be missing your Dad so much - do you have any close friends or family to talk to? I hope that you will find some comfort from messages here. With kind regards, Jackie
Hi Janice,
I’m so sorry to hear about the recent loss of your dad and that you are struggling with your emotions. I’m glad that you have found our site, and I hope that it helps to talk to others with similar experiences.
You might be interested in a recent conversation between members Lisa82 and Coco15, who have also both lost their dads. You can read and reply to what they wrote here: https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/dad
Hi Alan,
A lot of good advice already from others.
Just remember that whatever you decide to do, it will appear alien to you.
You are searching for things outside your comfort zone and will no doubt be daunting. Don’t forget you still have the monkey of grief on your back, so take your time, small steps.
Do you have any hobbies? There are so many others like you out there, you are not alone! You simply need to connect.
Take care Alan this is simply the next chapter in your life.
Hi Alan. Sorry to hear of your loss and how your struggling to cope. Lots of of good advice in the previous messages. It is 2 years since my husband died and I Think for some months after he died I was unable to think straight or make decisions - it all seemed so unreal. Good luck and I hope you find something that works for you. X
Some good ideas in this conversation - it is nice to hear the different ways that some of you keep busy and combat loneliness.
Does anyone have a spare moment to welcome a new member? And6315 lost her husband in November and is looking to talk to others with similar experiences: https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/newbie
Best wishes to you all.
Dear Alan,
I saw your post and although I do not often post things, I thought I might be able to offer some advice you may find useful.
My initial reaction to your post was to write you and invite you to visit. I am mid 40’s and have been bedbound for a couple of years, having been fit and active before my illness took hold, bored out of my tiny mind.
I then thought that you would think I was a strange nutter:-)
However, extrapolating this thought - there must be an organisation somewhere where folks like me, stuck at home alone, are offered volunteers to visit (no clue who they might be, lets just say my GP is utter pants, the reason I am bedbound and shortly for the great beyond and getting any help or support from him is, well it just does not happen) - just for a chat or for trips out together, and if you can find one of these you could join and visit other people, this way it is official and organised and not just some random woman who openly admits she now has cats, just to keep her company 
You might find great comfort in offering comfort to others, indeed there are sure to be thoroughly interesting people out there, who you could meet and build new relationships with by offering them some much needed company.
It is just a thought, and might not be your cup of tea at all, but I also thought that it would be a whole new audience of people with whom you could revel in the memory of your dear wife, over a cup of tea, relating tales of her antics and times she made you laugh.
Best wishes,
M
In reply to Alan,
May I suggest you try joining in your local Church activities, I am sure he will be given a warm welcome there.
Hi Alan sorry for your loss you are very brave it is very tough trying to get out and do things on your own I hope things start to get easier for you soon. I lost my husband 5 years ago this week and still have not been away on my own luckily for me I put most of my time into working as a carer in a care home but I must try doing more out of work please take care xx
Hello JP64, I want to say ‘Welcome’ to our Community, and thank you for replying to Alan’s post. Even though it is five years since your dear husband died, you must still miss him very much.
I hope that your two sons are a support to you, and I am sure your work helps, but perhaps it is time for you to start looking at other things to do. There are all kinds of voluntary opportunities around - I have lived on my own for many years and have made some wonderful friends through volunteering. The ‘do-it’ website may give you some ideas of what is available locally.
I hope that you will also find the time to have a short break away on your own - coach holidays can be really enjoyable - lots of single people go on them, as well as couples. With kind regards, Jackie