This is my first post. I lost my husband unexpectedly and suddenly just over a month ago. In the early days, I was consumed with handling the authorities and planning the funeral. I now know I was operating in autopilot. Only now that the phone calls, visits and offers of help are slowing down, I feel a sense of loneliness. While my adult son is back out socialising and family and close friends are returning to normal life, I’m ashamed that can’t help feeling sorry for myself. I worry that others might now see me as a problem to them. I try my best to accept invites for drinks at the local etc but really struggle to find the motivation to go. I also sense people are being cautious around me. As a result, I feel like an outsider, finding myself avoiding certain social events, particularly where couples are involved. I fear loneliness more than anything else, particularly with Christmas looming. Having pets and my family living so far away, it’s difficult to accept invitations. I worry that if I host a house full myself, I’ll not be great company or have the energy to cook and clean. I own a business which keeps me busy throughout the week. However, at weekends, I get terrible bolts of realisation that my husband and best friend isn’t with me anymore. Any suggestions for a coping mechanism to get myself back on track?
@SueK1 - your post could have been written by me. You echo my situation and feelings. My husband died suddenly just after Christmas last year, he was 55.
My son lives nearby with his girlfriend and they are both supportive but I am not showing my grief to them or most other people now. I feel they expect me to be getting used to my new life by now - I’m not, I hate my new life. There seems no point. I too feel like an outsider, even at gatherings with my family.
It’s so early for you. No one should be expecting you to be coping yet.
Other people return to their lives, feeling sad that they have lost their friend/brother/colleague but the loss to us has affected our whole lives. Our past, our future and our purpose. It’s very difficult and is a very hard time of year to deal with such grief. Take care and feel free to message me if you want to.
@SueK1 And Flossy3, I am so sorry for both of your losses, my Fiancee was killed in a car crash exactly 8 months ago . I arranged her funeral due to her Dad looking after her mother who was suffering from Dementia. My family were fantastic and all swarmed around to support me , my daughters, also my 3 step children. Once the funeral was over, all my family stayed a week then all had to go back to their jobs and lives
Even though I have my daughters in the house, I felt so lonely as we had lived together for the past 8 years. I struggled, and to be honest, still am.
I don’t feel like going out as we like we used to, but now, I take my daughters out as I try to do something with them at least one day over the weekend.
I went back to work part time as there was nothing worst than sitting in a empty house when my daughters are at school and college, it is miles too quiet. Now the inquest has been done, I took it upon myself to go back to work full time as it helps take my mind off things for 8 hours a day. I come home, and have to walk into our house, but the realisation that she is not here to give me a kiss and cuddle hits me hard even after 8 months.
I have got to the point now that I am moving house as this house holds too many memories of us, and I think I need to make a fresh start and new memories in a new house. It will be hard leaving this place, but hope it will make things a little easier to cope.
Unfortunately, I have just had to deal with opening her wardrobe f9r the first time ,and pack her clothes into boxes, that was hard, but didn’t want my girls seeing me upset .
We were also supposed to be getting married back in August, as you can guess, that was a hard day , but luckily my family had already had the time off booked and also accommodation, so they still come down to support us all.
I used to be the biggest Christmas nut going , but as you can guess it has been a sombre build up this year to the point, my girls have accepted that it will not be out usual Christmas but understand why we are uprooting so close to Christmas . Things will never be the same without my Marianne, everyone turns into dating agents introducing me to single friends, but I am nowhere near considering finding someone else, as I am not ready and also don’t want people hink I am looking for a replacement step mum for my girls.