Why when you lose a wife,husband you are left to cope on your own,friends and family, neighbours just desert you.
It as though you have some infectious disease or you have done some terrible deeds.
Do people not realise we are hurting beyond any comprehension the mentat pain of loneliness is so great nothing can pepare you for this nightmare.
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Finally after 8 months friends from across the road came and talked to me offering any help if i need it. Lets see if i do need help they will actually keep their word.
Ended up in hospital Friday lifted one of my tool cabinets and know have caused a hernia i never learn but when you’re on your own you just do stupid things.
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I’m just going through a bad bout of loneliness myself today. I lost her 4 months ago. Apart from all the “always here if you need anything” group I feel it’s not having her here to talk to. There’s lots going on and I feel frightened and worried and there isn’t anyone to deeply share that with. You’re absolutely right. Nothing can prepare you for this.
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How true we had lots of friends and neighbours and ex work colleagues i have not had even “one im sorry” from any of them its not the old excuse oh he’s ok. Why dont they just ask a friendly word would certainly help
Take care mike 
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I think most so-called friends, just don’t know how to deal with what you are going through, don’t know the right thing to say (unless they have gone through it themselves). No one has any idea until it happens to them how it truly feels. And there again, everyone deals with death differently.
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I am so deeply sorry your situation must be absolutely awful you must be strong for yourself and your family. You must prepare yourself for the loss of your husband i know it will be the most difficult thing to do i never had that time. My wife was taken into hospital we had her for a few days, i never had the chance to say goodbye it 
happened so suddenly.
I am sure your teenagers will support you everyone write off teenagers but i am sure that as a mum they will be there fore you. You can all support each other in this difficult time.
Sending big hugs
Take care mike
Hi Nori - I have read some of your earlier posts and my heart goes out to you. I recognise that loneliness that you mentioned. My husband died 2 years ago, age 61. But I was so lonely before he left me. He would not talk to me, the person I loved for 30 years disappeared as soon as he was told he had cancer. The saddest time of my life, I so wanted to talk to him - but he just closed up. I am still lonely now, but do have some sort of a life - not the life I want, but do not have any choice about that. I was lucky in so much as I still have my mum & she has literally kept me alive, an amazing woman - my dad died 15 months before my husband. My great fear now is that something will happen to her, she is 81. Friends mostly gone, I lost tolerance of their stupid comments, he would want you to live your life, would he want you to be so sad, are you feeling better now!!! Luckily I have made some new friends. I have to say some of your posts are inspiring, you are one hell of a woman. Take care. Alison xx
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Hi Nori - it is the getting through it that is the hardest thing in the world. To be honest after it was over there was almost a feeling of relief - which makes me sound awful, but I knew it was coming & it was so, so hard to live through. He ended up sleeping on the sofa for months, so I used to creep downstairs during the night to check he was still breathing. I still have not got my sleeping back to any sort of normality. I totally get the food thing, tried & tried but no good. You just sort of go into some sort of robotic mode & somehow you do get through it. Still not sorted myself out though, still miss him & am so angry that my life ended up like this. My husband eventually got diagnosed during lockdown, horrendous, could not get to see a doctor at all. Still hate GPs & hospitals, his treatment was horrific - he was so let down. He lost his life, but I lost mine too - all those plans for the future gone. Sorry I am having a real moan here, when really I have so much admiration for how you are dealing with this shit that you have to endure. I wish I had found this site over 2 years ago. Keep going girl - you are doing great. xx
We didn’t have kids, just us 2. So didn’t have that responsibility as well. & on high alert all the time, 2nd guessing every ache & pain - horrific. And I totally get that pure envy, still have it now. Want my life back, it was nothing special but it did for me.
We did not have any life insurance, thought we did but found out it was only while we had a mortgage - we had just gone over the 25 years, June died in August. Live on his pension now & one of mine. We should be enjoying our retirement together.
You sound like you are a really strong woman & you are doing an amazing job, looking after your husband & kids. Keep strong & keep posting.
Take care xx
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Totally agree with you re people not helping you out & being selfish - opens your eyes. Hubby’s best mate owns 5 garages/mot centres - not long after he died my car broke down, rang him & his response was “aren’t you in the AA”??? FFS. He even lives in the same village as me. They have just seemed to drop me, I have known him as long as hubby did. Other way round hubby would have gone straight round to sort the car out. Before he died his best mate told me that Rich had asked him to look after me. 
Doing a great job mate.
Our pensions are not great, but he was a mechanic & did cars up - so he would have carried on working for himself while taking his pension. Let’s face it none of us thought our lives would end up like this. Who would expect their live to end up such a nightmare, it just creeps up on you & destroys your life.
Going to my local pub now to meet a new mate for a drink, still life in the old girl yet, I’m 61. 
Probably drink too much, but needs must.
Keep fighting Nori - you will survive love. xx
This seems to be such a common attitude when we lose someone so called friends family and neighbours just disappear its disgusting that we are treated this way even these so called bereavement counselling services are no better. Sod em i don’t t need this i have managed to cope so far after 8 monthe it has made me very cynical and perhaps bitter that you can be treated this way. One day this will happen to them then they will face the social stigma of bereavement.
Mike
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I think it is so cruel of people when they are needed for support i just do not understand what this world has become.
I understand it has been the same for me even our regular dpd driver and the parcel force driver have been so supportive total strangers yet whan they make regular deliveries they always ask if I’m ok such a lovely thought . Yet even my son cant even text me haven’t seen or heard anything for months, i know he has a busy life and that he misses his mother but surely he can spare a few minutes to text or phone. I know he thinks i could have done more when my wife was taken into hospital but i am not God…
She hid her symptoms from us for a considerable time, going back to the original comments your totally right these so called friends aren’t worth the effort of even politely refusing there lets have a cuppa,me id probably tell them hope it chokes you
Take care
Mike
Oh sorry not having a very good day
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