Why when you lose a wife,husband you are left to cope on your own,friends and family, neighbours just desert you.
It as though you have some infectious disease or you have done some terrible deeds.
Do people not realise we are hurting beyond any comprehension the mentat pain of loneliness is so great nothing can pepare you for this nightmare.
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It definitely seems like many go through this. Being on your own is so hard. Xxx
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Finally after 8 months friends from across the road came and talked to me offering any help if i need it. Lets see if i do need help they will actually keep their word.
Ended up in hospital Friday lifted one of my tool cabinets and know have caused a hernia i never learn but when youâre on your own you just do stupid things.
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Ah the good old âlet me know if you need anythingâ. Thereâs usually the one decent friend thatâs there for you, the rest just talk empty words xx
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Iâm just going through a bad bout of loneliness myself today. I lost her 4 months ago. Apart from all the âalways here if you need anythingâ group I feel itâs not having her here to talk to. Thereâs lots going on and I feel frightened and worried and there isnât anyone to deeply share that with. Youâre absolutely right. Nothing can prepare you for this.
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How true we had lots of friends and neighbours and ex work colleagues i have not had even âone im sorryâ from any of them its not the old excuse oh heâs ok. Why dont they just ask a friendly word would certainly help
Take care mike 
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I think most so-called friends, just donât know how to deal with what you are going through, donât know the right thing to say (unless they have gone through it themselves). No one has any idea until it happens to them how it truly feels. And there again, everyone deals with death differently.
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Iâm already so lonely and my husband hasnât even died yet (terminal). God itâs gonna be awful. I have my kids but they are both young teens so donât want to hang out with their mum
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I am so deeply sorry your situation must be absolutely awful you must be strong for yourself and your family. You must prepare yourself for the loss of your husband i know it will be the most difficult thing to do i never had that time. My wife was taken into hospital we had her for a few days, i never had the chance to say goodbye it 
happened so suddenly.
I am sure your teenagers will support you everyone write off teenagers but i am sure that as a mum they will be there fore you. You can all support each other in this difficult time.
Sending big hugs
Take care mike
Hi Nori - I have read some of your earlier posts and my heart goes out to you. I recognise that loneliness that you mentioned. My husband died 2 years ago, age 61. But I was so lonely before he left me. He would not talk to me, the person I loved for 30 years disappeared as soon as he was told he had cancer. The saddest time of my life, I so wanted to talk to him - but he just closed up. I am still lonely now, but do have some sort of a life - not the life I want, but do not have any choice about that. I was lucky in so much as I still have my mum & she has literally kept me alive, an amazing woman - my dad died 15 months before my husband. My great fear now is that something will happen to her, she is 81. Friends mostly gone, I lost tolerance of their stupid comments, he would want you to live your life, would he want you to be so sad, are you feeling better now!!! Luckily I have made some new friends. I have to say some of your posts are inspiring, you are one hell of a woman. Take care. Alison xx
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Thank you. I donât think anyone can truly prepare but itâs been an emotional rollercoaster every day for a year now so I feel like Iâve been grieving for a year already, The boys are 12 and 14 at the moment so not sure if theyâll be a great help until theyâre older but they are what Iâll keep going for. They have no one else (literally)
Ah Alison thatâs a lovely thing to say, thank you. Yes I can relate to a lot of what you are saying too. This week Iâve really kept away from people. All I want is for parents to look out for my boys (the youngest is sorted the eldest not so much). I just keep thinking if this was their child Iâd do so much to help. My brothers are also useless and my mum is 87 ( dad died 2 years ago).
As you may have guessed from some of my posts, Iâm quite a vocal person. I do it from a good place in the hope people will understand. But it makes no difference⌠that makes me sad.
My days are simply filled with sorting the kids and the dog out, sorting the house out, sorting medical stuff out and giving my husband his pills/ensures/food (which doesnt get eaten). I do have a small handful of reliable friends though that are still here a year on. I sat here today and thought to myself just get your head down, get through it and try and sort yourself out afterwards xx
Hi Nori - it is the getting through it that is the hardest thing in the world. To be honest after it was over there was almost a feeling of relief - which makes me sound awful, but I knew it was coming & it was so, so hard to live through. He ended up sleeping on the sofa for months, so I used to creep downstairs during the night to check he was still breathing. I still have not got my sleeping back to any sort of normality. I totally get the food thing, tried & tried but no good. You just sort of go into some sort of robotic mode & somehow you do get through it. Still not sorted myself out though, still miss him & am so angry that my life ended up like this. My husband eventually got diagnosed during lockdown, horrendous, could not get to see a doctor at all. Still hate GPs & hospitals, his treatment was horrific - he was so let down. He lost his life, but I lost mine too - all those plans for the future gone. Sorry I am having a real moan here, when really I have so much admiration for how you are dealing with this shit that you have to endure. I wish I had found this site over 2 years ago. Keep going girl - you are doing great. xx
I get that âsense of reliefâ comment and I think that is really common when dealing with terminal illness. I had no idea what carers go through I really didnât. You spend every second of the day on high alert, questioning everything and second guessing every ache pain and new symptom. I also get episodes of pure envy which I know is not nice. I envy those who have family support, somewhere to go and offload, someone to look out for the kids and check theyâre ok. I envy those who are older and their kids are grown up, I also envy all of those families that have gone away for the holidays when all weâve done is juggle hospital appointments and radiotherapy.
This was not how my future should be. I should have enough money to get the kids to adulthood but then I honestly think Iâll be living in a bloody tent somewhere
We didnât have kids, just us 2. So didnât have that responsibility as well. & on high alert all the time, 2nd guessing every ache & pain - horrific. And I totally get that pure envy, still have it now. Want my life back, it was nothing special but it did for me.
We did not have any life insurance, thought we did but found out it was only while we had a mortgage - we had just gone over the 25 years, June died in August. Live on his pension now & one of mine. We should be enjoying our retirement together.
You sound like you are a really strong woman & you are doing an amazing job, looking after your husband & kids. Keep strong & keep posting.
Take care xx
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Stupidly we didnât really take pensions seriously. His one is a lump sum of ÂŁ30k which will probably last just over a year with raising the kids, and I donât have a pension atall. Iâll obviously go and get a part time job but my main aim is to stay out of hospital myself (I have Crohnâs) so donât want to overdo it⌠I could have been far more comfortable had my brothers helped out but thatâs a whole other storyâŚ
One thing this whole situation has taught me is to never expect anyone to help you out. People are generally pretty selfish. Iâm now thinking along the lines of âcanât beat âem join âemâ (unless itâs the few that have really helpedâŚ
Totally agree with you re people not helping you out & being selfish - opens your eyes. Hubbyâs best mate owns 5 garages/mot centres - not long after he died my car broke down, rang him & his response was âarenât you in the AAâ??? FFS. He even lives in the same village as me. They have just seemed to drop me, I have known him as long as hubby did. Other way round hubby would have gone straight round to sort the car out. Before he died his best mate told me that Rich had asked him to look after me. 
Doing a great job mate.
Our pensions are not great, but he was a mechanic & did cars up - so he would have carried on working for himself while taking his pension. Letâs face it none of us thought our lives would end up like this. Who would expect their live to end up such a nightmare, it just creeps up on you & destroys your life.
Going to my local pub now to meet a new mate for a drink, still life in the old girl yet, Iâm 61. 
Probably drink too much, but needs must.
Keep fighting Nori - you will survive love. xx
Have a lovely drink⌠or two⌠or three 
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This seems to be such a common attitude when we lose someone so called friends family and neighbours just disappear its disgusting that we are treated this way even these so called bereavement counselling services are no better. Sod em i donât t need this i have managed to cope so far after 8 monthe it has made me very cynical and perhaps bitter that you can be treated this way. One day this will happen to them then they will face the social stigma of bereavement.
Mike
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Itâs not just when youâve lost someone. When my husband was diagnosed I had so much help. It prob lasted a month and then everyone disappeared. I now feel like saying to the so called friends âwhen he dies, donât even bother talking to meâ.