Hello all, I am a new, lost my husband just over 5 weeks ago, my heart is in a million pieces, we have been married 40 years, feel as though I have cried non stop for the last 5 weeks. I feel so very lonely he was not just my husband but also my best friend. Not sure how to cope as I have never been an adult on my own before. Also having to change everything over to my name has been extremely hard, feels like I am erasing him from my life, which I don’t want to do, never felt so alone in my whole life, how do others cope
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@Lando
Hi, I understand that feeling of erasing them, that’s exactly how I felt. You are doing it at a time when you need them the most. And those tears, I have cried every day since I lost my husband and best friend at the end of September it’s impossible to carry on some days. This forum has been a life saver as the people on here fully understand how this feels. Others who haven’t experienced grief don’t know how to react to us. Keep strong, sending love and hugs x
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@Lando
Hi Lando first off so sorry for your loss, the way i did it was to prioritise the legal stuff first. Like you i felt as if i was erasing him from my life, so only did what was totally necessary. My husband passed on 12th dec last year and i left most of it until after new year. I felt more able to cope then. Last christmas was a blur to be honest , but lean on any family you may have . Tears are normal and though i dont cry every day now i still feel a wave now and then . I take one of his jumpers to bed with me to cuddle , and also speak to his picture all the time . This forum helped me to understand that everything i felt was normal and i was not alone. X
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@Lando i understand it helps to do things like changing everything . It’s not taking him from your heart it’s making your life safer . I am glad I did it all and got some lower bills . Bless him my water rates have reduced as he cleaned all our cars and other peoples before he went . I miss him so x
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I got a phone call for my husband as soon as I got in the door yesterday after he has been dead over a year. It was Boots the optician. I have already told them last year they rang and it makes no difference. When I said this the caller said he would change the records so I felt I didn’t believe it would work. I just give up now and chuck it in the paper bin. The amount of time I get these callers.
Some people don’t care when they have lost their husbands saying they expect it. One said she didn’t even bother to change bills just paid them as if he had not died forever as couldn’t be bothered. Looking back it would have been easier in some ways except they were wrong. The amount of hassle I have had. That is why have ended up even more weary.
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@Enorac sometimes people don’t do their job right at all my love . I had a similar thing with British Gas . After calls and talking on the bubble on line they sent me a new account in his name . It’s not good enough my love . If they haven’t had it happen to them , some as not bothered at all
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I just decided that im not bothered about christmas after my partner died a week ago
I havent got the heart to do christmas
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@Myrtle301123 my deepest sympathies to you . It’s the most difficult time to deal with your loss . I hope you have supportive people with you . A big virtual hug
Im actually dont have support doing this on my own
Yes loneliness and more.
Today it went bottoms up again. I wake up and stumble though day.
My son came expectedly last night. He was depressed. We are both struggling to adjust without a dad and my husband after year its taking it’s toll. I am all at sea today as don’t know how to be mum and dad and failing. Then misunderstanding with my other son and he turns up after dinner.
Then not lonely then suddenly I am again.
They have left and too late to get to town now to avoid traffic and then have to drive in dark.
So feel too weary to go until tomorrow and hope can get out early as my grandsons staying over Saturday night. So try to tackle housework alone now ready.
So missing my husband again but have already shed tears for him this morning and feel if not careful will start again. He used to help me. But had he not died he wouldn’t have been able to do much as an amputee. I am still struggling to come to terms with it.
Yesterday a widower said he was awful for two years when his wife died six years ago. It was so nice for someone to empathise. Because he said do not know what is like until you have had it.
I was very impressed as he had driven other widows to go to this xmas do. I had gone on my own. I had screwed up my courage and driven there. I felt a poor relation in my old comfortable glad rags but others had their brand new cruise clothes on, hair expertly styled and nails perfect. But I was so relieved to feel a bit normal for a while. Felt like being on holiday.
But all time knowing my hubby had been with me last time. But I had got to the half way mark.
Still lonely not over it but making best of it. Just to chat to nice people.
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I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s very early days for you and everything will feel quite surreal. It’s a year tomorrow since I lost my dad, then on the 19th Dec my beloved husband died, last year was a blur but thankfully we have 3 daughters and they were fantastic, this year I wasn’t putting up tree but my young grandchildren as why not, so I have put up my tree. I am struggling just now and can’t believe a year has passed, it’s not easy and the tears still flow almost daily, but I take a day at a time, I can now talk about my husband without crying, and talk happy memories with family.
Take Care and take one step, then one day at a time x
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My beautiful wife passed in August 2022 after 55 years of marriage. This is my second Xmas without her. Each day I sit watching TV and looking at family photos with her in my mind. We loved watching snooker together.
After a few months after she passed I realized it was not good just moping and not getting anywhere. My daughter made suggestions to join social clubs but these were not suitable. I came across a web site called MEETUP. Initially it was not easy meeting new people but what the odds I must persevere - for her. I have met many new friends and enjoy new challenge. Ironically I know many of the groups I joined she would not have enjoyed, but I have to move on.
This Xmas we are not alone - we are all here for each other and to try new challenges. That is what our beloved partners would want.
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Yes I agree with kinda going to a few things that seem might work to try them out .
Of course I caught COVID as soon as I did but could have in the shop as well.
Now have had to miss some nice things this week like was going to go back to an old group I used to go to before the pandemic but that was when I caught it.
Also tonight was going to see grandsons in school performance but lot teachers ill and advised elderly not to go. I could hardly go with known COVID although know lots do not test but I just am resigned now. I ate the chocs from the quality street box I liked in compensation this morning to cheer myself up as gp said eat what you like.
It is what it is. I got my bike taken to be repaired after Xmas so will have a go. When I can I will try to go swimming. It will be healthier. Some days are better than others. I might pluck up courage to go on a short break. And might not. All is ifs and buts. There are some possibilities.
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