My husband Mike died from a stroke on 7th August 2018. I’m so lonely and lost at the moment. Mike was my second husband. My first, Will, died from leukaemia and bowel cancer in 2002. We had been married for 30 years. I managed to turn my life around then, returned to work as I had been his fulltime carer, and gradually found myself again. I met Mike in 2004 and we married in 2011. Ill health forced me to retire from work in 2013 and for the next five years Mike and I did everything together. I now find I’ve lost contact with all my friends. I have a daughter in her 40s, but I’m anxious not to burden her with my problems. How do you cope with this dreadful loneliness? I know this is pure self-pity and I’m trying to ‘man up’ but I’m finding it so hard. Has anyone any advice? My confidence is shattered and I’m not very mobile, although I do drive which is my lifeline. Any help would be appreciated. Sorry for long post.
Hello Anne
I am so sorry for your losses…it must be extra hard for you and so very recent that it is not surprising that you are feeling lost and alone.
I wish I could tell you that it will all go away soon but you know only too well that there are some very hard days ahead…somehow we manage to get through each one and move into a future that is so very different from the one we thought we would have. Somehow everyone of us finds the strength to keep going and continue to hope that peace will eventually be ours.
Please keep posting and read the threads on here…everyone here understands and will help if they can.
For now, I send you my love and a big hug …loneliness is a constant battle for those of us left behind but we are not alone. God bless x
Hi Anne . My husband died suddenly from a cardiac arrest in July . We have a family business and I have had to get more involved in it . We have grown up children , so I have plenty to busy myself with …more than enough . I have just come back from a meal in the pub with my kids , god children and their parents but the only person I really want is my husband . You can feel lonely even in a crowd . At the moment I am sitting here before going to bed and thinking how the hell could you leave me to deal with all this as regards my husband . If still doesn’t seem real . What a nightmare . I wish I had something positive to say but the truth of it is that losing our partners is the worst experiences ever . It certainly is for me . And I think it is amazing that we all manage to keep going under such difficult circumstances. Sending you big hugs and understanding . Romy xxxxxx
I too am experiencing extreme loneliness after losing my mum who was my life companion I find everyone wants me to be positive focus on happy memories so seeing family is a strain to cover up my desperation. Alone is no longer a pleasure it’s agony hours of the day and night I face it head on I can’t escape it there is no refuge
I am trying to meet new people like minded but it’s hard when you feel so low
My heart goes out to you maybe talk to your daughter ask for her help I don’t have anyone otherwise I would
Thank you for your reply. I shall definitely continue to follow the threads. It helps to make me feel less alone.
Thank you for your reply Romy. I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re quite right, you can be just as lonely in a crowd.
Thank you JDM for your reply and I’m so sorry for your loss. My daughter is of course aware of my loss but I don’t feel if fair to expect her to do more to help me. She has her own life. She lives 25 miles away and we usually get together about once a month although we’re in touch regularly by text. Hopefully time will help me cope with the loss and I can regain some of my confidence and get out a little.
Hello Anne. The British Red Cross are supporting an initiative via the bereavement charity Cruse called More Than Words. I’d recommend you looking it up and see if there’s a group in your area. The idea is that social groups meet and do nice things from coffee and cake to art classes and museum visits. There’s no agenda to talk about grief as such but as everyone there is grieving then you know you won’t be a burden, it’s a safe place to be.
Hello Everyone-The topic of this thread “Loneliness” jumped out at me, and so I felt inclined to join in this discussion. My beloved younger sister died suddenly (6 months ago) after managing her cancer diagnosis quite well for a year. She was more than a sister. She was my best friend, Soul-Mate, confidant, and my “every day person.” I consider myself an independent sort, and was always able to make good use of alone time, never feeling lonely. Now I am hit with a depth of loneliness I never experienced, and I find no relief. Thankfully work distracts me, but it is those nights, weekends, & holidays, that I feel her absence so strongly. I always knew she was out there, and at the other end of the phone, text, computer, so I had that “cushion.” Our time together was always full of laughter and love, and even in through her illness, we made the most of every minute we shared. I did not lose a partner, but I also lost my Mum 6 years back, so my sister & I clung to each other for support in order to get through losing our parents. We weathered all of life’s storms together. Now I am alone, and so vulnerable. Like many of you here, I feel that others expect us to cover up our pain, and after a short while, they do not want to hear about it. Friends have their own lives, and I also do not want to burden others. Sorry to go on so. This is indeed, a solitary journey. Xxx, Sister2
Hi Sister2, I can sympathise so much with your post. Loneliness is so hard to come to terms with. It seems to me I have a good day then several bad days. It sometimes feels as if the good days are not worth it. I’m hopeful that in time the balance will turn the other way and there will be more good days. I find it comforting to be in contact with others who understand. My thoughts are with you.
Hi TraceyL, thank you very much for that information. I have contacted them and there seems to be a group fairly close to me so I have asked for details. Thank you again.