The deathening silence is hard, when you lose that special person. The one you laughed with and talk too about everything and anything, like a best friend! My life feels meaningless with no purpose to anything. I just keep waiting for him to tell me what to do, without him! I feel so lost and alone. When will it end ???
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Hi @N8658,
I’m so sorry to hear about your special person.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share 
Take good care,
Becca
Online Community Team
It is hard having to carry on and make decisions without them. Although I’m nearly 15 months into this nightmare I still feel really unsure about any major decisions I am making. Currently I’m having lots of work done in the garden and from time to time I hear a little voice in my head asking me why I’m doing it. I don’t think the loneliness ever ends, we just try and learn to deal with it on a daily basis. Having that other person there to bounce ideas off of is something I really miss and I too wonder how long this will go on.
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I really miss having someone to share things with too. I was in the garden weeding and came across a couple of plants we bought in our holidays last summer. He’s been gone since January and the thought hit me that he will never see them flower. Needless to say the floodgates opened! I can’t weed with tears streaming down my face
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Yes I have been weeding too today and he always used to do it. I have an old snap of him vending down doing it and walking from one place to transplant thinks in another part. I can hear what he used to say in my mind. I imagine if he hadn’t died he would have been telling me what to do. And I say in my mind well I heard it lots of times so ok will let the leaves die down like you said. Ok I will clear up the bits because he always wanted it to be neat. I think he wanted to still be able to do the weeding even if he couldn’t do everything else.
I think about him all the time as it is only nearly 18 months. Miss going for walk with him and sitting on benches. Have all these photos of us sitting on different ones through the years listening to the birds of people watching.
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My husband had sown tomato seeds before he died.
I have just started to pot them on.
Like you, I think he will not see them grow or pick and eat the tomatoes.
I am tearing up writing this.
He grew tomatoes from seeds for so many years.
He obviously sowed them not knowing what was going to happen.
Now, crying so much at that.
There are so many things that we miss aren’t there?
Big hugs everyone x
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I have taken on 2 of the 3 allotments Jim worked for many years. I think i’m a crazy woman, but now i know why the greenhouse was full to bursting at this time of year! I just hope he will be proud of what I’m doing. I can feel closer to Jim when I’m at the allotments.
Big hugs.
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Thats so lovely ! You keep it up, i’m sure he would be very proud of what you’ve doing. 
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I resonate with this. I am a keen gardener. My partner did not like gardening but was always there to help with anything heavy if I needed it or make decisions. The lonliness never ceases. I visited the garden centre today and bought some new plants. On the way home I teared up and thought what is the point. Going back to an empty house makes it worse.
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Yes I was very proud last year what I accomplished in the allotment and garden
But this year it is harder. I am way behind. Oh I cut the grass and am dutifully pulling out weeds. But the green house is still a mess. I tidied up the garage again.
I have some bedding plants ready and put soil in seed trays.
Will dutifully plant seeds, prick them out and water them etc. what else can I do otherwise but look at a horrid desolate garden. That feels worse. Just hard to get going. Do little bit at a time
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Just do a little bit. Plant a few seeds and watch them grow. It’s only little steps. I know its really hard, but whatever you can mamage, abd just keep going. Hugs.
Yes that is true
Thank you
For walking along
The new untrodden way
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