Hi! I’m a gay woman who lost my lovely wife/partner in February to Parkinson’s Disease. We had been together for 23 years and I knew that we probably weren’t going to grow old together, as she had been housebound for the past year or so. with carers. I think it was still an incredible wrench when she did pass away though. I felt guilty for the way I treated her some days when she was confused, or unable to do something I’d asked her to do. She was in hospital for 4 weeks before she died. Unable to speak or swallow. It was horrendous and all I could do was sit with her, and hold her hand everyday. It’s silly really, as I can’t undo or say the things I said or did. I miss her incredibly and her presence is still palpable in our home. I am lucky as I have our little dog and 2 cats who keep me busy, and I’m still working. Although I have friends and colleagues around most of the time, when I’m at home I get moments of extreme loneliness and isolation. I suppose it’s a normal reaction to losing someone you love….


Im so sorry for your loss. I too lost my husband in February, its seems so recent and yet so long. That is the strange journey of grief. Never one thing or the other, always waiting to come and slap you round the face.
Please don’t feel guilty for things you did or didn’t say. I had a go at my husband and called him selfish a week before he died, he wasn’t selfish he was dying, but I was exhausted and didn’t mean it. I’m slowly coming to term with that.
Just remember you were with her holding her hand when that was all you could do for her.
I’m afraid the missing doesnt stop, and I don’t think it ever will, but we have to somehow move on. I don’t know how but I know we must keep trying.
Just reach out to friends and let them support you. And please reach out on here. We all understand, we’re all going through the same thing, albeit at different stages of grief

Take care
Hugs to you


So very sorry.

There are so many different emotions we feel.

I have felt guilty for taking him for granted.

As you say it cannot be changed.
I know he did things for me out of love and because I wasn’t well.

I think many people on here will say they have experienced guilt as well and totally understand.

Sending a big hug x


@BFA dear bfa i am so very sorry for the loss of your wife. I lost my life partner just over 3years ago. We had been together almost 21 years. Please don’t feel guilty for things you said or did as you did the best you could for her. I truly believe feeling guilty is a part of the grief. I feel guilt for some things i said in our relationship and for hurting my partner. I can’t change it. Although i do know what she would say to me. I was still with you and i forgave you so let it go. I was her first and only girlfriend. I was so lucky to have had her in my life. I also have a dog and 2 cats who keep me going. God bless them. My dog is 15 now and my cats are 7. I think the feeling lonely and isolated is natural. I have felt like that ever since she died. Though i don’t have friends to go out with. The only friends i have are ones i have made on here or friends in the USA. Though in all honesty it doesn’t matter how many people are around you. It’s that one person you are missing . Her love is always with you and we do carry them with us. Somehow we manage to keep going. Take care sending a hug x


Thanks guys! It’s nice to know there are supportive people out there. It’s early days yet I suppose, but I’ll get through this eventually.