Lonely after loosing both Mum & Dad

Is anyone else feeling very lonely after the death of both parents? I am an only child (but an adult!) and really struggling at the moment. I did the end of life care for both my parents, within a few months of each other and it feels so raw. Dad went first, at home, from covid while we were both slowly grieving Mum’s decline from Alzheimer’s which she had for many years. Then she died just after Christmas. I feel so cheated, especially for loosing Dad the way I did. He was the healthy one and we supported each other with the loneliness and guilt that Alzheimer’s brings. Now I feel so alone, especially with all the crowds of the jubilee celebrations. Both my parents were big Queen & Royal Family fans. They would have been partying hard all weekend.
Can anyone else relate to this?


I don’t post much on hear anymore but just felt I had to reach out.

My mum died in November 2020 aged 93. My dad in 1989. I’m an only child, no children or partner. I completely relate to what you are saying. I’m feeling really miserable and lonely this long Jubilee bank holiday. I’m sure we’re not on our own though it’s not much consolation.


Hello, I can relate very much to what you are saying, and I’m sorry that you are feeling so low.
Although it is longer since my parents died, at the moment the loss of them and my ability to talk with them feels very raw.
I thought this morning about the Jubilee, and how I no longer have my great grandmother, grandmother or mother. Last night I really wanted to talk to my dad too, as he was always pleased to see me, sympathetic; and interested in what I had to say


Dear PatPhilp

I read your message and those of Carol and Helen and considered my own thoughts about this Jubilee weekend. Yes lots of people are celebrating and that’s great, but I think for many others, after the losses from Covid, and the strain of general life in the past two years getting excited about it all is not happening.

My other feeling when I saw the Queen looking so frail yesterday, was that she represents the personal histories of us all, bringing back grandparents, family, mums and dads in a way we are bound up with even though we don’t know her personally.

I’m so sorry for your losses, each one is incredibly painful and leaves a big hole. No matter our age when we lose the last parent we feel like orphans, well I did.

My thoughts are with you all and I’m glad you’ve made contact with one another.



Hello to you all.
I am touched by your replies. And shared sadness. I guess our parents were the generation which really grew up with The Queen. I’m sure they are all having a jubilee shindig of their own, somewhere…. If they have met up with my Mum & Dad then they will be fuelled with spirit :beer::clinking_glasses:and dancing wildly by now!
I have had a last minute thought of calling my elderly neighbour who I am now taking to the local social club jubilee party this afternoon. She was looking at the leaflet about it and wanting to go but had no one to go with. Life goes on and so does other people’s loneliness. I guess lonely people can simply chat and not be lonely. I’m sure she misses her husband (even though he passed away many years ago) so am so pleased she wants to go with us! She is no substitute for my parents today but at least, I hope, we shall all have a good time. My two teenagers are also coming, so they may adopt her, at least for today.
I am sending you all lots of love… :heart:
L xxx


That is good to hear, I’m wishing you well for this afternoon. Bless you.

Good wishes to every one.

I am more cheerful today too having spent time with my 90 year old aunt. Also more or less one of the queen’s generation.


Yes, royal events are something you share with family. I lost my last parent 5 years ago and my brother, aged 65, nearly 2 years ago and am on my own with no immediate family. I’m enjoying watching the jubilee but feel very lonely


There is nothing worse than being lonely and grieving in a crowd of people celebrating with family and friends, is there? I think it must be easier to be alone on a desert island!
I felt so much better after having a jubilee picnic with my neighbour and a long chat. Boy, can she chat! She goes out once a week and is very lonely at other times. It was a good deed and a lesson for my two kids on how good a random act of kindness can feel. I have resolved to spend more time with her. The ice cream man assumed she was a grandma to my kids. We all piped up “adopted Nan”. I’m sure my parents were looking down and smiling on that moment…
I am learning that grief is something we always carry with us but every so often, it gets a little lighter.
As always, sending you all lots of love. :heart: L xxx

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Dear PatPhilP

Thank you for letting us know about your rewarding afternoon with your neighbour and children; it was wonderful to hear it turned out so well. You have done amazingly, and deserve every bit of enjoyment you can find.



I completely understand how you feel. My mum died very suddenly (as the healthy parent) just before Christmas. She had a heart attack. No warning signs at all until that day. My dad had COPD and early stage heart failure and we were in complete shock that mum went first. Like yourself I looked after my dad after mum went. He started developing many bouts of illness which were all treatable but I believe had a lasting effect on his overall health. In April he got Covid and although initially seemed to be coping ok he suddenly developed secondary pneumonia, a blood clot and passed away very quickly. I went from having both parents to being an adult orphan. It is the loneliest feeling in the world. I have a brother but he doesn’t seem to feel it the way I do. The advice people keep giving me is to be kind to yourself. Find time for you even if it is only for 5 minutes.


Hi yes I can totally relate to you and your grief, I’ve lost both my parents my mum very recently, cancer and then my lovely sister just 3 months ago again cancer, I too cared and nursed them at home and they had little care from the NHS or any side source, they both died at home in my arms and I am completely traumatized from their end of life. I am now alone in the world, and I am finding it very hard to cope I struggle most days with deep depression not wanting to get out of bed washed etc, like you my mum and dad we’re royalist and I found the whole of the jubilee celebrations very sad and difficult to cope with. I was consumed with envy and anger when I watched families all enjoying it, wishing I could have my family back to enjoy life with again take care and make contact should you wish to talk yours sincerely karen77 x


Hi Karen77,
My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you are feeling this way.
We share a common honour insomuch as were both able to be involved in the end of life care for our loved ones. There is no greater gift we could have given them than to be present during the end of their life and help to give them a good death. In the case of my dear old Dad, I told him that he was there when I came into this world, so it would be my honour to be there when he departed it. And it was. Please drawer some comfort from having done this for them. I got the feeling you are of a medical background and may have done this for others too. It’s totally different when it’s someone you love though, isn’t it?
As Linda68 has already said, it’s important to be kind to yourself. The feelings of depression you mentioned are horrible. I think this is very similar to grief. I struggled very badly for months after Dad died and then, just as I was starting to live again, my lovely Mum died, slowly, and I had to go through it all over again. I have some days where I feel very low and others where I am so busy at work that I don’t dwell on it. I’ve also had a couple of cases recently where I was involved in someone else’s end of life. I was able to tell the family how amazing it was for them to be there with their loved one.
As for the feelings of loneliness? I guess we just have to go with it and keep busy. The jubilee is all done now. I spent yesterday on the sofa, watching the pageant and reminiscing with the 1970/1980 buses. They were good times!
I’m sending you, Linda68, and everyone on this thread lots of love. We are not alone because we are all feeling very similar feelings.
L xxx :heart:

Thank you for your kind words, so appreciated. I too could link to the 70s & 80s and yes times were very fun and lovely then. Yes I have worked in a medical back ground at a local hospice but as you say much different to losing your own . You think you are coping , then out of the blue wham that darkness returns and breaks your heart alittle bit more. I’ve got my wee dogs who keep me going one was mums so she is old but special to me, all love & care karen77 x