Lonely after scattering ashes?


We’ve just had the first year anniversary of my dads death (24th august), so I’ve had his, and my uncle (who passed in 2019) ashes in my house for the past year.

Today we went and laid both of them to rest together in a woodland burial site where they will have a tree planted with them in a few months. While I’m comforted that they’re buried together, I feel lonely now they’re not in the house anymore? Is that weird?

When their ashes were in the house their boxes were just kept in my dads room with the door closed as I couldn’t bare to go in there, but now they’re not in the house anymore I have this unshakable feeling of loneliness, far worse than it was ever has been since he left us. For context I’m 27 and live alone in the house I shared with my dad while my two brothers live elsewhere with their partners.

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Dear @Sam_CC

I apologise for the delay in not replying sooner. It is not weird to feel the way you are feeling. Now that your Dad and Uncle have been laid to rest together it is the final part of the their passing if that makes sense. Even though sadly they have passed they were still ‘here’ as the ashes were at your home, the burial was yet to take place.

One of the most difficult parts of a bereavement can be the feelings of loneliness that comes with it, nothing can prepare you for it.

Sue Ryder has a Grief Guide that contains useful information to help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief, explore your emotions and feelings and hear from others experiencing grief. When you are ready, it would be worth taking a look at.

Cruse Bereavement have advice on how to cope with the Loneliness . It would be worth having a read to see how it can help you.

If you type in the search bar Loneliness you can connect with members here who have experienced and been in the same position as yourself.

I do hope the above will be of help to you. Please continue to reach out and take care of yourself.


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Hi @Sam_CC

I don’t think it’s weird at all. I suppose ashes and mementos are all we have left to link us to those we have lost yet still love so dearly. Parting with their ashes and things feels like another loss doesn’t it? I found it really hard to clear my parents home after mum died in 2020, with my dad having died 7 years before. We did not live together, and I have lived alone and at some distance since leaving their home, but never have I felt so lonely as I do now, with no more visits, no more chats on the phone, no more looking for things to take to them and plans of things to help them with.

But its lovely that your dad’s and uncle’s ashes rest together in a quiet woodland now. And, hopefully, planting a tree there will help you keep a picture in your minds eye and help to ease the loneliness at home a little. Do you have a special photo or two that you could put out? Very basic, but when my loneliness feels rough, I kind of talk to the photos of my parents.

Hope it helps to know someone else does not think it is weird what you feel, just very normal.

Take care and big hugs xx


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