How long does this last?
Im hating life at the moment its been 4 months since i lost my dad and 3 years since i lost my mum. Lucky for them their deaths were quick, my hell is dragging on. My heart feels as if someone has pulled it out and tore it appart in front of me. To the point of feeling i dont want to be here myself anymore. I dont want to feel this way but everything i ever loved has been taken away from me. Even interest i had hurt now. I feel sometimes i need pain to take this pain away and worry about doing something stupid. I dont plan to but i feel sometimes if my will was weak i could.
I need someone or something to move me on. To help me find my next step in life.
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Hi @Thunderchild,
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and your mum. The loss of your dad is still very recent, and you are still grieving for your mum. Please, do be gentle with yourself.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts during their grief journey. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
- If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
- Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
- You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline .
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, @Thunderchild, get in touch with one of these services.
Take care,
Seaneen
@Thunderchild - I am so sorry that you are hurting so much. Grief is a hard, hard process - unpredictable, heartless, but it does recede in time. All of us here understand and know only too well the weight that you are carrying. We walk this long road of grief because there is no other way but forward, for those of us left behind. Grief takes us by the hand and walks beside us. The weight does begin to lighten, as we learn, inch by inch, step by step, to live again in our new reality. Our lost loved ones want us to be ok, and we are walking towards them, getting closer all the time, until the time we reunite, as I believe we will.
Spring is coming, my friend. Not long until the first daffodils appear and the iron grip of Winter fails as life begins again. It will be the same for you. You will get through this, and your friends here are right with you on the road we walk together. Hold tight, try and do one nice thing for you today. X
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Hi
Im trying
Thunder
your email helped ME.
same here. dead parents, stlll suffering though I will say after five years, finally 2023 is better. I even have career troubles but those are getting better.
I have had to force myself out to community events, helps a lot. joining a group showing up people get to know me, greet me, welcome me. I never realized how important that was.
someone said in a depression group go out and do one thing every day. even orphans especially orphans must eventually join society to get the interaction we got from home.
your are not long into your second grief. lots of water, light exercise, no booze, sunlight. then move past that. I have a long road ahead of me still …but I started. I have a daily log of goals I read every morning. it takes time. 
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p.s. I did counseling and therapy, too.
that counselor was assigned to listen to me exclusively and respond to my grief appropriately. it helped a lot.
I also wrote Samaritans massive letters about my darkest feelings and hitting send and receiving loving supportive replies was very helpful.
I am so sorry that you are feeling this low, grief is a horrible feeling that consumes you. Please dont suffer in silence, go to your GP and try one of the helplines available. I am also feeling pain through grief and I understand how tough it is, nothing seems worthwhile anymore but we must hang on to hope.
Take care my friend you are not alone x
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hey @Thunderchild - you are trying and winning, slowly, even though it may not feel like it. Each day, each hour, each minute we keep going, we win. We all wobble on, all of us, every day. Forwards a step, maybe backwards the next day, but like you, we keep trying. Hold on, take a breath, feel proud, go again. You are with a whole bunch of people on here who get it, who are with you, who understand. x
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