So my daughter Hollie died 2 weeks ago today, she had additional needs and I saw her every single day, helped her have a bath, sorted out bags for her to go with carers, cooked for her etc etc
The cancer that took her gave us 5 weeks from diagnosis . I am heartbroken, my husband is shutting himself off , my other three children are trying hard to keep going.
I know she’s died, I was there so why am I still looking for her ? Why can I hear her calling for me? I feel physically ill that I can’t see her face or hold her hand, I’m angry , so angry this has happened, I don’t want to see people as I’m scared all my anger/grief/anxiety will pour out of me
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Oh @HOLLIE1988
I’m so sorry for your loss
It’s such early days, you are so raw. What you are feeling is normal.
I won’t tell you the pain will ever go away, but it will ease, in time.
Have you got someone you can talk too? Someone that will understand.
Can you reach out to your husband, he is grieving too.
We all grieve differently, but we all grieve.
You’ve done the right thing by coming here.
We all understand, we are all going through it. We will all listen and offer support.
Please keep posting
Sending you a big hug 
x
I am so sorry for your loss.
I think in the days and weeks following losing your child you enter into a mania, terror. The thoughts and actions you have now will become almost unrecognisable but I’m sorry to say the pain and loss remains.
I paced like a wild animal and refused to accept my loss and at times those feelings resurface. The best advice I can offer is talk, talk to those who share your loss or to those who have lost a child. No one else will ever understand.
Accept all your thoughts and feelings are natural and do whatever you need to get through it, don’t try to be brave for others.
There will be so many days when you are drowning in your grief, use this site, it was a lifeline for me.
I lost my baby 10 months ago, she was 21. She was my world. I won’t ever be the person I was, my heart broke and she took it with her. I didn’t think I would survive but I’m still here, breathing, hour by hour, day by day. Don’t look beyond that.
I wish I could make things better for you, to take away your pain but no one can.
There is very little to offer but a sympathetic ear and total understanding, you will find that here.
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Today has been a struggle, I’ve cried and cried, I miss her physical presence, she was always trying to make people laugh and I miss laughing with her , I miss singing with her . I ache to hug her , to kiss her goodnight, to check on her before I go to bed , this is too much
There will be many days like this, when you think you will physically break. I still do. There will be so many nights when you pray you won’t wake up and so many mornings when you hate that you’re still breathing. The ache of longing, the realisation of all those small details that amount to something huge that is no longer there, it’s unbearable. But the pain is yours to bear, someone on this site told me the depth of your grief is equal to the depth of your love (I’m paraphrasing) so it’s going to hurt like nothing you’ve ever experienced before or ever will again. The pain doesn’t go but you change to accommodate it.
I’m still changing, right now I live a solitary life, it’s lonely but I can’t cope with the outside world. I hope one day I will be able to live beyond my grief but right now I’m safe here, I’ve learned to be true to my feelings and accept there are days when I can do things and days when I can’t. There is no time line on grief. Be kind to yourself.
Hello Mobe
Thank you for replying , I compare how I feel to swimming in the sea, sometimes it’s bearable but then a big wave knocks me sideways , all I can do is ride the waves I guess , by September I HAVE to go back to work due to finances so that’s the goal I’ve set myself , my days tho, it’s hard , very hard
Grief can hit you in ways you didn’t think existed. I find it totally exhausting. It takes up so much of my life I have very little energy for anything else.
Be gentle with yourself, try not to push too hard.