Lonely over Christmas

It’s 4 months since the loss of my wonderful husband, Christmas was awful I booked a house in Wales with my 3 sons and there partners. I thought getting away would be a good idea, I was wrong. All I wanted to do was be at home with James. I cried most of the time, I’m still crying now I don’t seem to stop. I miss my lovely James so much the pain is unbearable, I love him with all my heart he was only 56 I’m also 56 we had so much more to do. We loved life, going on holidays together, working together we were never apart. How can this be happening!

Hello, Diana. I am so sorry that you have lost your husband and know how you feel. Mine died in June and I still cannot believe it. It feels as if you are being torn apart, and the longing to see him again is sometimes more than I can bear. I can only say that it is very early days for us to start recovering, if we ever do. I have been waiting 3 months to see a counseller from Cruse, with no appointment in sight. My heartfelt sympathies are with you in your loss. Posting on here helps a bit but I don’t know how long it will be before we can smile again. Warm regards. Eileen

Thank you for your kind words Eileen I am also sorry for your loss. My husband was diagnosed with cancer at the end of May and died 25th Aug. It’s been such a shock he hadn’t been ill he was a fit man it was supposed to have been curable but he got sepsis from the treatment. I don’t know how we’re supposed to carry on, my sons are a huge help but they still don’t fill the loneliness the evening are the worst. Let’s hope for both of us we can get some sort of happiness from this torrid time. Diane

Hi Diane

I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband.
Unfortunately I know the heartbreak you are going through!!

I lost my husband in May 2017.
It was very sudden, no warning.
I found him when I woke up in the morning.
I was in total shock. He was so fit and healthy. We had just returned from holiday 2 days before he died

It will be 8 months on Monday.
Steve was 58, I’m 56.
I never imagined a life without him. Like yourself we worked together, holidays together, Socialised together, we had season tickets for the football and would go to all the games.
We had such an amazing time together.

It’s the hardest time I’ve ever experienced in my life. trying to pick up the pieces and try and move foteard, somehow.

The early months were so hard, to be honest most of the first 6 months are a complete blur.
All I teallly remember is the unbearable pain and the endless days staying in bed.

I read so many books about grief, angels and the afterlife
I was so desperate to find some comfort through the awful pain.
Grief is unique to each one of us, but I did recognise that I had to go through the grieving process in my own way and my own time.

In November I was fortunate enough to be accepted for 6 weeks of one to one counselling with cruse.
I also had group counselling in the August.

But the thing that helped me most of all, was a group of widowed ladies I met online.
We arranged to meet up in chester for an evening
it was lovely to talk to a group of ladies in the same position as I was.
We all got on so well and kept in touch online.
One of the ladies suggested going on holiday and before I knew it We all decided to join her and we flew to Gran Canaria in December.
We had a wonderful time !!
4 of us lost our husbands in 2017 and 2 ladies lost their husbands in 2016.

I can’t believe I did it, but I’m so glad I did!!
We have already organised a weekend to London this April.

I am grieving!! and I will be for a long time to come, but I am pushing myself to do things rather than stay in bed!!
I know Steve would be proud of what I e achieved.

Take care and be kind to yourself xx

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Hi Geri

Thank you for your reply, I am so sorry for your loss. I feel the same pain and heartbreak, I can’t see a way forward out of this misery.
How did you find your widowed ladies are they a group? I’ve also spent a lot of time online just looking for some kind of comfort or answers. My husband and I loved our holidays it seems such a long time since I had some sunshine.
I have friends that ask me out but just end up getting upset being on my own. So I’ve started to avoid them. It’s not that I don’t want to go out but not as a plus one with couples. Take care Diane x

Hi Diane

So sorry for the loss of your husband, it’s 4 weeks today since my husband died. I didn’t do cards or presents, christmas was terrible. I’ve been staying at my daughters. The few times I’ve been back to my home for clothes etc, it’s so empty without Jack. I’ll have to go home soon, I’m sitting here now with no will to do anything but cry. Like you we were together all the time, I became his carer, I miss looking after him. It does help to talk to others in the same position. I know the pain is unbearable, I miss him so much. You are in my thoughts, as is everyone who is grieving.

Janet

Yes it’s heartbreaking lost my darling wife suddenly this Xmas after 47 yrs marriage I am totally devastated and at the moment feel what’s the point of carrying on as you say my family have been marvellous and get me through the day but the evenings are dreadful on my own went to doctors yesterday at 5 pm gave me sleeping tablets took them at 10 pm went to bed but now downstairs and it’s 01.15 in the morning so tablets load of rubbish when I went to bed all I want to do is not wake up but unfortunately that’s not going to happen but I’m hoping in the near future it does because I am totally a broken Man without my wife so at this moment in time I don’t care or have a future sorry for my views but that’s the way I feel

I feel the same on all accounts. I lost my husband in May. Feel I will never get over it.

I feel the same its been just over 1year since I lost my husband to cancer, family and friends are brilliant, so why do I feel so lonely, and alone even when I am with friends and family

Hello, Janet. I can relate to your posting as I feel exactly the same after seven months without my husband. We had been married for 66 years so you can imagine what a big hole that has made in my life. Two of my children live fairly near but they have gone back to their own busy lives and I feel lonelier than ever. It is the late afternoon and evening I find the worst. Although I am 86 I am still fairly active and go out at least twice a day even if only for a walk. I cannot bear to be shut in this flat all day. It is sheltered and I can go two to three days without seeing a soul. Also, I would have liked a cat for company but not allowed. I don’t think that there is a cure for loneliness but am hoping it I’ll get better in time. Take care. Warmest regards. Eileen

Dear Janet
I am so sorry for your loss, only we can feel the same pain. We have lost the most important person in our lives, I have no answers on how we should carry on. Everyday I get up go through the motions of getting ready for work, somehow mange to get through the day. It’s when I get home close the door and I’m really alone and the tears flow. Some nights I just stare at the tele changing channels not really watching anything. I go to bed and wish I won’t wake up in the morning.
I think from reading posts on here a lot of us feel the same. Grieve is so consuming and as taken over our life’s, how we move on I have no idea. Take care and konw you are not alone.

Dear Diane
I’m sorry for your loss, as you say we feel the same pain, I’m now back in my own home, I stayed at my daughters for over 4 weeks. The loneliness and despair being here on my own is indescribable, everywhere are reminders of my Jack. I was very upset yesterday, and today is no better, I got up after another sleepless night, I’m sitting here with tele on, not watching it. I too have no answers on how we should carry on, I haven’t slept properly for weeks now, I don’t know how I manage to keep going.
Thank you for getting in touch, it does help knowing that I’m not alone. I’m thinking of you and all the others on this site, take care.
Janet

It’s unbearable I don’t think I can carry on without my wife all I do all day is mope around the house in silence and this Wednesday is the funeral god knows how I am going to get through the day I am dreading it

Hi Bovabelly

So sorry you have joined us on this site. We all know how you feel. The pain is unbearable. My husband died unexpectedly in October and we had been together for 40 years. Not being able to carry on and moping around the house unable to focus on anything is very familiar to most of us. I will be thinking of you on Wednesday. It will be tough but you will get through because you have to for your lovely wife. Hopefully the support of others on that day will help.

Come back to this site as often as you need to - letting your feelings out really helps and everyone on here really understands what you are going through. Take care of yourself and try and get some rest before Wednesday.

Yvonne x

I know exactly how you’re feeling, I’m back at home after being at my daughters for over 4 weeks. The loneliness is unbearable, I don’t feel like doing anything, I haven’t slept properly for weeks now. I couldn’t stop crying today, I feel so ill this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. My Jacks funeral was on the 29th December, I said to my daughter I can’t go, but I did. I got through somehow, which I’m sure you will. I will be thinking of you, keep in touch with everyone, it does help to be able to talk about your feelings as we all understand what you’re going through.

Janet

I was one of a very large family, and over the years I have lost both parents, nine brothers and their wives, and one sister. There is just my younger sister and I left. So, I am no stranger to grief but nobody told me how I would feel after losing my husband to whom I had been married for 66 years. There are no words to describe it. I sleep well enough with the aid of a tablet but when morning comes and I wake up I feel desperate, having to face another day alone. I have no interest in anything and spend most of my day walking aimlessly around the market town where I live or sitting in the library reading the newspapers. I cannot believe that I will always feel like this and hope that, come summer, my spirits will lift. It is a terrible place to be, and my condolences go out to everyone one else on here who is in the same dark place. Warm regards. Eileen

Thanks Yvonne yes Wednesday is going to be an awful day for all my family xx

I was always hoping I would go first as Carol would have coped I think better than me she was my life and I adored her and hopefully one day we will be together again x

I’m back at my home after spending over 4 weeks with my daughter, I dread going to bed I haven’t slept properly for weeks. Like you I feel desperate. I’m so frightened having to spend another lonely day in here. I don’t drive, Jack used to take me out in the car, I miss that so much, It’s a long walk to a bus stop, I feel very isolated here. The nearest big town is a few miles away, it was no distance in the car. Like you say there are no words to describe losing your husband, everywhere I look there’s reminders of Jack. We were just the two of us, had our daily routine, now even preparing something to eat is awful, not that I feel like eating much. I’ve been so used to cooking for two, every minute of the day there’s always something that makes me cry. I feel so low and heartbroken, like you I have no interest in anything, the tele is on, but I’m not watching it. Thank you for getting in touch with me, I’ll be thinking of you and everyone who is suffering as we are. Regards to you.

Janet

We will all be thinking of you. You will get through the day.
I still mope around the house, My husband died in May. x

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