Hi this is the first time I have put anything on here! So my world fell apart on 7th October 2021 - my husband had been diagnosed with oesophageal cancer that then spread to his lymph nodes, lungs and spine / bones. He never stood a chance. We were given the diagnosis on 29th May 2021 that he had cancer but that was after a scan and so we didn’t know at that time the prognosis.
So fast forward to now and although we have three amazing sons they have their own lives and my friends / family mainly all have someone. I’m finding life so lonely and on occasions I wish it had been the other way around - I’m sure he would have coped far better than I am! I suppose I also feel a little envious that all these people have their partners still. I also find it hard that people who said they’d be there aren’t really! They’ve got on with their own lives and just forget that my life has been put on stop atm. I don’t know how to move forward and sometimes I just drink too much to numb the pain. Does anyone else feel like this? Thank you for listening xx
Hi . Yes I feel lonely all the time . Even though I have family living with me . I am not alone but the loneliness and longing to have my hubby here with me , is so devastating and heartbreaking . We had been together since both were 16 . So I know no other life . I am almost 60 and feel now my life is over . I don’t know how I got through the last 11 months without hubby here loving me , taking care of me , just being with me . I find it’s getting harder each day . As I feel like he is getting further away from me . I not only lost my hubby I have also lost me . And don’t know and can’t see anyway forward . Thinking of you , xtake carex
Dear @Broken2222
Welcome to the Community. I so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband.
One of the most difficult parts of a bereavement can be the feelings of loneliness that comes with it, nothing can prepare you for it.
Sue Ryder has a Grief Guide that contains useful information to help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief, explore your emotions and feelings and hear from others experiencing grief. When you are ready, it would be worth taking a look at.
Cruse Bereavement have advice on how to cope with the Loneliness . It would be worth having a read to see how it can help you.
If you type in the search bar Loneliness you can connect with members here who have experienced and been in the same position as yourself.
I do hope the above will be of help to you. Please continue to reach out and take care of yourself.
Pepsi
Hi @LouLou65.
That’s a hell of a lot you’ve had to cope with in a relatively short space of time.
Ever likely you’re still reeling and wondering which way is up.
May I just say with kindness , alcohol will not help you find any sense of equilibrium- quite the reverse, in fact.
Alcohol is a depressant and will ultimately make you feel even lower than you already feel.
Could you maybe investigate things going on in your area that you could join to help you connect with other people? - I say that, but frankly, it would be my idea of hell, but we’re all different.
Your GP may also be able to offer/arrange support but only if you are honest with them.
Good luck.
This is not an easy road that we’re on.
Hi loulou so sorry for the loss of your husband yes I know how you feel I feel so lonely I lost my youngest daughter in January this year due to breast and liver cancer she was 25 years old my other girls nlive 30 miles from me so I only see them once a month as i don’t drive they have all got children and their own lives which I understand I only have my partner that I live with but he’s a driver and is out most of everyday so I come on here talking to these lovely people who are going through the same grief I hope you get a little comfort on here but it’s when you are in the house on your own the mind starts going and all things start going round ya head it’s awful and the tears start I hope you start to feel a little better soon luv shellyanne XX
Hi I lost my lovely wife Karen on 10th October and I get everything you describe. I know I’m drinking too much and definitely far too much ion 3 or 4 occasions since my loss. My 3 kids have been good but they are still grieving too. Problem is the only time I see friends or my siblings is in the pub.
They try and be supportive but none have lost their partner so really can’t understand.
I hate what I’ve become and I’m comfortable with not being here any more but will soldier on because of my kids.
Karen was just 60 when she passed and I’m so envious when I see older couple’s together. My daughter says think of Dorry in ‘Finding Nimo’ just keep swimming. That’s what I’m trying to do.
The first of everything is the worse they say, I hope that’s true for us both because 12 months is not very far away.
Wishing you luck.
Thank you for your kindness - I know that alcohol isn’t the answer!!! I don’t drink all the time but when I do I sometimes go way over the top!
I work - I’m a nurse - and have to put on a show for my patients! I work in a busy out patients department and our patients aren’t always patient!!!
I am thankful that people have reached out and answered kindly 
Hi Tommy
So we aren’t far away from our year now - it’s strangely come very quickly: it feels like Steve has been gone forever and then other times like it’s only a couple of weeks! Like you I look at elderly people walking down the road and have horrible thoughts! My parents and Steve’s parents are all still alive and I sometimes think why not one of them. Steve was still alive but unable to get to our middle sons wedding as he was so uncomfortable. We now have a grandson - Steve knew that our eldest sons wife was pregnant - he had managed to get to their wedding as it was a week before his diagnosis, he didn’t feel well but we thought it was a hiatus hernia which is what the doctors had told us 
. He so wanted to be a grandad and I hate that my DIL father and stepfather are the only ones he will ever know. I feel so horrid because of the way I feel and I know this isn’t who I am :adhesive_bandage:
Take care of yourself sorry to hear your loss too
Oh Shellyanne sorry to hear your loss.
I think the loneliness is the hardest thing. We have three sons and they are amazing and they’ve all got wife’s/ partner but they don’t understand my emptiness.
Sending you many hugs x
Hi Lou Lou
So similar to me. Karen was unable to go to a family wedding too months before she died I stayed out overnight and hated myself for it couldn’t wait to get home. We have one Grandson who was 2 less than a month before she died and we couldn’t attend his birthday party. At least she saw him feel so sorry for your Steve and you.
Life’s just never going to be the same is it?
Hate the quiet house.
Stay strong.
Hi
Everything you say in your post is how a lot of us feel. The loneliness, the ‘friends’ who disappear and the jealousy of other couples. I have some good friends and family but others have just not bothered. My husband died in sept last year and I have just in the last few weeks been getting out a bit more and meeting up with people.
Take care and make sure you look after yourself xx
HI LouLou 65 and all that have posted. I haven’t posted anything for a while now but reading all your posts have made me think again of how raw it all is and the heavy heart. I am 5 years on and can tell you those feelings do fade slightly. I can control them better now and am not crying every day. Though still have my moments.
All what you have all said is very true. I have been there with the weddings, friends, guilt and all special events. It really doesn’t get that much better your life has changed. for ever. I know as a person I have changed because of this. Once reality has finally kicked in and you know you are on your own no matter how many friends and family you have. They all mean well as I have done when Aunts and Uncles have died.
You really have no idea until it happens to you. It took me a couple of years to accept it all. You just have to learn how to live with it day by day. The best help I have had is my dog Boo. He has kept me here he depends on me and we are together 24/7 and I love him so. He gives me a reason to be here. The best medicine ever he also played a big part in my late husbands life. If you have time and are able to walk I recommend it. Either a rescue or borrow one to walk if you cant fully commit.
It is so hard I know and I feel for all of you but you will get there. If anyone wants to reply I will try and help in any little way I can. Poppy 58
Hi.
I have not posted on here since my Partner passed away] on the 9th July. So many things to do and no motivation to do them. Lesley 62 has been cremated and I have her ashes back home now with me.
Since the funeral things have got progressively more lonely. During the day I miss her, during the night it is so much worse, empty house silence, no one at the side of me in bed. It’s getting a bit too much to cope with, my sleep is all over the place. Thoughts of her as I try to sleep, then dreams then I wake up again at 2 am every morning… it is like ground hog day!
I hope for all of us there will be some release from this burden of grief.
Week ends are tolerable as I do have some good friends who have been supportive at the weekends… but hell the weekdays are awful, don’t want to cook, no appetite, angry, emotional but could not get the tears to come… UNTIL today.
I needed something to cheer me up… so I looked for feel good videos on YouTube. I watched a lot, and it’s was so heartwarming to see the depth of human kindness that still exists out there, revealed to me on short compilation videos, the tears did come, and they kept coming…
I also went for a 3am drive around Sheffield city centre the other day just to see the places where my partner had her lunch everyday… that was nice and no traffic.
Try a few videos… it helped me today.
Keep going Andrew. X
Hi . So sorry for your loss . I think at first when the love of our life dies . We are numb and in shock . But when it finally hits us it hits hard . This is it . The loneliness is the worst thing ever . Just needing our partners here with us . Trying to live this life without the only person that made it worthwhile . We all find different ways to cope and get us through each awful day . I have found that reading and posting on this site has helped me . Just to know my feelings are NORMAL . this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do . I miss and love my hubby so much . Sorry I can’t say anything positive . I still can’t find anything positive in this different life . Thinking of you and hope you find a way to cope . Xtake carex
Hi LouLou65 i am very sorry for your loss. Have you tried the British red Cross website It has about dealing with loneliness on it and has a free phone help line 08081963651
i hope this helps still keep posting here
:adhesive_bandage: thank you for replying so truthfully xx