I lost my beloved husband 8weeks ago after 30 yrs of marriage, 32 yrs almost together. I can’t believe the heartache I’m feeling. I cry morning and night. Find it hard to talk to folk without feeling upset. I’ve seen a Counsellor for the past 4 weeks, once a week. Not sure I’m getting a lot from it. My daughter lives 400 mls away, my son 11. They have their own lives. My husband and I started travelling, he retired when we married, so we were together 24/7. We had few friends. Lot passed away. I miss him desperately. I go to bed and hope I don’t awake next morning. I’m told this is normal.
The grieving time is being explained to me and all I think is “if this is life then I don’t like it”.
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Hello @Florida.
I am truly sorry for the loss of your husband. I’d like to say welcome to the forum but it never seems quite the right thing to say. However, I will say that here you are among friends and people who, sadly, understand.
Of course you cry morning and night. Of course you’re hurting. You have lost a beautiful person, the one who made you whole. How could you not cry and hurt? 8 weeks is no time at all. Please don’t expect too much too soon. Be kind to yourself. A vicar used to say that to me in my early days and I never really understood what he meant, but I do now.
I remember well those early days of raw grief and it is raw, so painfully raw, with a scab yet to form. In time though a scab will form which takes away that gut wrenching agony, but there always remains that dull ache which we learn to live with. I like to think of that ache as being my husband prodding me and saying “Hey, I’m still here with you.” I KNOW he is with me because I won’t let him go, ever. That’s how I manage to carry on and try my best to live this life for both of us. You will too @Florida - you will learn to live your life with your beloved husband in your heart but right now, it’s too soon for you to even begin to understand that so slow down, take your time, grieve, cry, scream, shout, do whatever you feel you need to. Anything and everything is normal in grief.
Sending love strength and understanding. xx
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Thank you so much for your lovely message. You describe how I feel so much. I’ve spent the morning gardening, it’s a sunny day. He’s everywhere in the house but I can’t see him. I know it’s early days but seems forever. I’ve just come in and made a sandwich, I’m sitting in his chair eating it. I find eating alone is so hard too. He always complimented on my cooking. Watching TV alone is hard, no one to discuss things with. Take care.
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It sounds like your day was as good as it could be. Gardening is so therapeutic. I’ve been gardening too today and it was even warm enough to have lunch outside. My husband never liked gardening but he would always make me a cup of tea when I’d finished mowing the lawn. I miss that.
Yes I agree, eating alone is hard. How nice that your husband always complimented your cooking. Mine always thanked me after every meal. I miss that too. x
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I thought I would be so tired tonight . It’s after 2am and I can’t sleep. Made a drink and a ginger snap, my husband’s favourite. I long for a full nights sleep, can’t remember the last time. I watched a holiday
Video from 1995 , it was good to hear his voice ,but so upsetting not having him watch with me. I wouldn’t wish his last two years back, they weren’t at all good for him, but oh those earlier years.x
I’m up too @Florida. Insomnia is another symptom of grief I’m afraid. I am sleeping better than I was but it’s still spasmodic. I’ve learnt to go with it, not to fight it. I’ve just got up and made a cup of tea.
That’s very brave of you to watch a video but I can imagine how good it was for you to hear your husband’s voice. We have to take comfort from whatever we can, albeit small comfort. Your husband’s suffering is over so I hope that gives you a little solace and yet you’re left without him…
We grieve for our loved ones, we grieve for the life we had, we grieve for the loss of our future, the life and love which should have been ours, we grieve for the loss of growing old together. We long for their tender touch, to hear them laugh. That never goes away, not for me anyway. However, life for us goes on and we do find our way, a different way. I can laugh and dance and sing again and to the world I appear normal, but deep inside where nobody can see remains a hidden pain and it’s mine to bear.
There will come a time @Floridawhen you look at a photo of your man and a smile will come to your face before a tear to your eye. That I can promise you.
There are some out there who will never know the love we had with our men. I shall forever be grateful that I was loved by the rarest soul on earth. xx
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Thank you for your lovely message. I hope I can smile again one day Right now it doesnt feel like it. None of us are perfect, but to me he was. We are/weren’t young, but young at heart and fit until cancer came along. It happens to other people, not us. Hospital care etc wasn’t the best. Being diagnosed during Covid lockdown was awful. I felt we “lost” our last 2 years together. It is lovely being able to see Brian enjoying our holidays, but hurts so much at the same time. Thank you for caring.
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Hi you will smile again one day, it might not seem like it but you will. I am 10 months with losing my husband. He wasn’t ill , was here one day and gone the next, I’m just beginning to get there, somedays I can remember something he said and I can smile then there are days when all I want to do is cry. Some days I don’t want to do anything and then other days I can’t seem to stop working. The days I can smile seem to be getting closer together. I don’t have videos but have a dvd of my daughter’s wedding when we went to Barbados. I can’t watch it yet but will one day, The pain will never go away but we learn to live with
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Yes, it’s so hard isn’t it? Twice today I’ve been told I’m strong. I don’t feel it. Took the car for a service today. My friend was amazed at how I could talk to the service guy about things on the car etc. Guess you just have to.
It was hard to look at the video. We were married in Florida, both second marriages. It was lovely to see that younger man, happy and well. That’s how I want to remember him.
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We will always remember them I have his ashes at home. I can’t bear to part with them yet. When I feel the time is right I shall lay them to rest. I have a photo by the side of them of him when we were on holiday a few years ago. Smiling and looking really happy. It’s hard to believe that they are gone. People ask how am I doing, ok on the outside but inside not so good. I know what you mean about the car servicing I have the same problem, although just after I lost him I had to make the decision to get rid of his car, I felt so guilty but I had no use for two cars and his was more expensive to run.i ended up trading both in for a newer car but kept his personal number plate, which in time will go on my car. I could bear to get rid of that. The funny thing was the morning I was going to the dealership to complete the paperwork, I felt terrible , I hadn’t slept well, I’m sure it was worrying if I was doing the right thing. Anyway I had just taken the dog out and we had stopped by the road sign and a robin flew down and landed on the sign, he just stood there looking at me for a while and then flew off. I swear it was him telling me it’s ok, I felt so comforted by that. It hurt when my insurance renewal came through às I had to remove his name. I’ve just been wrapping up my granddaughter’s presents and hate having to put them just from me. They are too young to understand but when they are a little older I have photos that we can show them and talk about him with them
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