Oh I know , at the moment all I want to do is go be with her , can’t do that because of the kids and family who I know need me .
It is just good to read a sliver of hope from someone who is able to move on eventually ,as understandably most posts on here are from people struggling to move forward , as I am and maybe always will be ( certainly feels now like life has no meaning anymore without her ) .
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@Martin2 you bought your caravan… so somewhere inside you, there is a hope that you will have some freedom from the chains of your grief, that’s a step towards what lies ahead, you made that step so you are actually doing better than you thought. Pack your stuff get your dogs and go on a mini adventure, let it take you and allow yourself to find some peace and comfort, it’s no less than you deserve and that goes for all of us. There is respite in living, we just have to want it
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There is always hope and we find it, in our own time and way but trust me it’s waiting for you. I felt like you at the beginning but it’s like fighting an ongoing constant losing battle but life is stronger than death and will always pull you through
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@LynT , after more than two and half years of doing this . My answer to the simple pill , would be yes ,please give me the pill. I know i have accepted and adapted to this life without my husband .but i really hate it . It just seems so pointless to me . Im glad you think differently and really hope you find a way . Im not suicidal , just dont see a future for me . It shows we are all unique in how we deal with our loss. Xtake carex
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@Broken2222 we are all indeed unique, as I said grief is very personal and individual but no matter who it is grief evolves because life evolves and changes constantly. I’m sorry you feel like your life is worth ending
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On a lighter note… if I took a pill to join him, he would send me right back lol
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@LynT yes my husband would be the same , I just hope he is resting in peace , because when it is my time . I wont ever leave him alone x
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@Dino13
We are all struggling including me, I’m not an exception and it’s not about moving on it’s about moving forwards…nothing stands still in life, changing things is a choice we make, I made it after deciding as I am still here, I don’t want to live the rest of my life being lonely, heartbroken and miserable. I don’t believe that is what love is all about. My life with my husband of 25yrs was not about grief and heartbreak it was about love and happiness. His last day on this earth is irrelevant to his entire life on this earth. He’s at peace and would want the same for me. We all view things differently but sometimes we have to change the view
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This may sound very strange but if my husband was here now he would actually laugh at this forum, he would say to me what are you doing on here? There is so much to do, I had loads of things I wanted to do but I’m dead now but you aren’t so dust yourself down and get on with it, enjoy yourself while you can and I don’t want to see you anytime soon and actually I would say the same to him. I love this forum but at the same time it can be depressing and keep you in the same mindset, they say misery loves company and that is not a criticism in any way, it’s just an observation
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Lyn, thankyou so much for your comments. I agree 100%. Nobody would choose to lose their partner but the worst happened and no amount of wishing or what ifs are going to change that. I would like to think I will meet up with the old rocker one day but what if I don’t? I can’t spend the next 20 or 30 years in limbo waiting to die. I know that it’s hard and everyone will cope differently but, for me, it was a very clear choice; lie down and give up or stand up and fight. I’m fighting. And I’m winning. I have lots more good days than bad and, through sheer hard graft and determination, loads to look forward to. And I like this person that I’ve become. I’m living in hope that I will find a new partner at some point but, even if I don’t, I will be enjoying my life. There is a big world out there; exploring to be done, people to meet. And also days on the sofa with an huge glass of vino or a massive toblerone watching rubbish on telly. It doesn’t matter as long as it brings some happiness. I’ve still got a ‘choose life’ T shirt from the 80s and that sums it up for me; I’m choosing life. I hope that everyone can find something, however small, to bring them a glimmer of hope this evening, tomorrow and beyond x
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@Arvia yes!! In life it’s not about what happens to us, it’s about how we choose to respond to it. Grief is not going to dictate how my life is going to be, my husband is not part of grief, his life is about celebrating who he was and what he loved and enjoyed. His life is not about his ashes stagnating in an urn or graveyard or photo’s on a phone, to feel him is to be alive and carrying the love and joy on through him and with him, that’s what our life together meant. Yes he would want me to miss him and cry but he would also be mortified that I would become less of who I am by giving up and giving into this misery. I love that T-shirt slogan and that’s exactly what he would want me to wear proudly not pillows of his face on them, I am not saying this isn’t for other people as that would be wrong because I actually did that… but it is wrong for me…none of it felt right, sleeping with his jumper, it created an air of depression around me and our home. I have redecorated, changed things everywhere not to get rid of him as why would I do that but it was to get rid of the depression and focus around death. My home has come alive again and he would love that
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Let’s hope a dry weekend. Caravan way we go new forest look out the bryant is out All depends on weather though fingers crossed go to camp me an tina went 18 years back homesley
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Yes. I’ve redecorated too (well, not actually me: some decorators did the hard work) and bought lots of new stuff for the house. Including a new bed. Not because I want to forget Alan but because I need to love my home. And it needs to be ‘my’ home. My sanctuary. Not a memorial. The memories we shared will always be with me and I don’t need a cupboard full of old clothes to remind me. I have completely revamped my wardrobe as well. I didn’t want to be forever thinking ‘the last time I wore this….’. I suspect that we are in a small minority with this but I believe that everyone has a different way to handle things and it is important to share different perspectives. By the way, my friend has a cushion with her husband’s picture on and he’s not dead….eek. X
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I set myself a challenge to do all the decorating myself, I do like a project and it helped keep me busy at the weekends, it was hard work but satisfying, it was tinged with sadness too but I had to do it to lift the depression in the air. Yes we probably are in the minority but everyone has their own unique way of doing things. For me it was stamping my identity which I had lost back into the home and establishing my own sense of safety and security. I have to be in control of my grieving and not it being in control of me if that makes sense. It’s a strange feeling, I too had a clear out and bought new clothes totally different to what I would previously by. I think it’s about the old and the new kind of thing. The past in all it’s physical form has gone now. Like you say the heart and mind retains the memories.
If I had a photo on a cushion of him whilst he was alive it would have ended up in the bin lol x
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I’ve started the kitchen finished the hall way. Sorting kitchen cupboards loads jars spices stuff never going to use I’m no cook so probably food banks or bin tea towel used ones can become rags there so so so much. Think Tina was a collector xx I can’t talk my garage umm she would said the same smiling to my self writing this weekend almost here. Well best get to the big shop rest of the day mine
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Morning all hope everyone had a good weekend and did something positive typical start to Monday it’s raining
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I also dont cook anymore i eat cereals,crisps,crackers rubbish food because cant be bothered, i relied on him to do all the long driving now i have to learn to do motorway driving which scares me. He was a builder and i have to sell his tools etc and all the stuff he would never throw away.
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Sorry for your loss.
I just wanted to say how inspirational this post is. You sound so confident and strong. Good luck with finding fulfillment and peace 
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I’m like that bunny got a new chef in does meals for one there not bad fill gap microwave got a name now chef Mike I can you’d it . It’s horrible life changed couple of weeks going. To see one of them medam see if Tina can reach out to me x
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@Katyh Thank you x… all any of us can do is try our best. I personally can’t live in the past with constant sadness and memories , so had to change the view and perspective. I have bad days but can now cope with them when I know I have things in place to look forward to and keep me positive
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