If you are reading this, you have undoubtedly lost a loved one and I am sorry for your loss. I am new to this, but now feel I need to make contact with people who may slightly understand how I’m feeling.
In 2005 I lost my Dad to a sudden cancer diagnosis and only being the age of 25 I felt robbed of my Dad seeing my future children born and grow. Then suddenly and very unexpectedly my brother passed away in 2017 and after watching my Dad suffer due to his illness but being able to say goodbye, I found my brothers death extremely devastating and without saying that precious goodbye, my grief was/is immensely difficult. But then, last May I received a call to say that my sister had also suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. I initially had counselling through work, but as the year anniversary is approaching I’m struggling. I have so many questions, along with fear that I will also leave this earth prematurely. I am just 45, but lost both my siblings at 49 and 53 and I admit, I am scared. When a loved one passes so unexpectedly, shock is over powering. I’m doing ok, at least that’s what I show everyone and I am blessed with 3 beautiful children, but I’m sad, really sad. Almost feel that no one thinks I’m still grieving (for all 3) and that I’m strong because I’ve done it all before. I’m not, I’m lonely and I try hard to live everyday as I know first hand how precious life is, but no one understands how much I miss them all.
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your family members. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
I’m so sorry for the loss that you have had and are trying to deal with. I can empathise to a degree, I’ve lost most of my family but whilst I knew that some were not going to recover I also didn’t get the opportunity to say good bye. My husband passed away a year ago, my mum when I was 14 and my dad 2 years ago. My daughter is away travelling and now I’m completely alone, I have none of my own family and it’s incredibly lonely. I completely understand your worry that something may happen to you and I have tried to put things in place in case that should happen. Whilst it’s difficult to think about I feel better that I’ve done that.
A year after losing my husband people see me apparently getting on with things but like you I feel like I’m dealing with all the loss I’ve had in my life and I don’t think I’ve missed my mum as much as I do now. I don’t think I ever dealt with what happened at the time, as it was very much brushed over and my dad moved on very quickly.
I think I’m very much on high alert for what will happen next and it sounds like you are too. I’ve had counselling in the past but I’m thinking of going back to it because at the moment I feel like I’m just biding time, I’ve no purpose in my life and everything feels pointless.
Would you think about speaking to someone again? Have you spoken to your doctor? Everyone says things will get better and I’m sure they will it’s just very difficult at the moment. Take care of yourself xx
