Its been so hard this christmas. For the past 20+years ive spent christmas with my partner. Its my childrens first christmas without a dad. Ive tried my hardest to make my children happy. So sad to be doing all the things we did as a family. It just wasnt the same. I always missed him like mad but ive started to feel very lonely. The pain in my stomach is hurting more. I thought it got better but it isn’t. My heads all over the place. It’s my boys birthday on new years day and ive not planned anything for him. Its my daughters 18th on the 17th and ive not organised a thing. My minds not with it its going to be there worst birthdays ever. Whats not helping is that im in the countryside on my own with 2 children no car to go anywhere because it was my partner what drove. Theres no buses where i live. Im just stuck here on my own. I feel like im letting my children down. My daughters going to her friends to celebrate new year. How do i entertaiin my youngest when i feel so down, miserable, sad and lonely.
I understand how you are feeling, i was with my husband for 22 years and this was my first xmas without him, i didn’t celebrate as it was too painful and its been 5 weeks since he’s been gone, the pain is unbearable and im struggling without him, today im going to bring his ashes home and its breaking my heart that hes not here anymore
Im so sorry for your lose. I would ave preferred to cancel christmas but ive at to try and get along with it for my young childrens sake. The only problem is that i live in the middle of the countryside with no family or friends around me. Its the simple things whats really hurting me over the festive season like putting tree up as a family, waking up to see if sants been. Going to christmas markets. Ive not wanted to do anything but ive no choose. I feel so miserable and you can see in my childrens faces that they sad and un happy but i just cant put a smile on there faces. I dont think its helping them stuck where we live. Theres no shop,park, or any buses to get anywhere. There dads took us everywhere. I cant efford all the taxi fares to go to see my family ots so sad. My boys ere with ne know waiting for new year to come so i can sing happy birthday to him but this years its just me and him and no daft dad being daft and jolly. I miss him so much. I sadly at to get my partner burried its not wot we wanted but he as older children and i didnt have a say so hes in the grave yard all alone i just wish i stood my ground and had his ashes at home with me. All i havecus photos but i wish i took more at least ive gott 2 beautiful children but they are broken childrenX