Hi, I am new. so its my first post. I very recently lost my beautiful wife to lymphoma. Since her passing i have struggled very badly and not coped very well at all, been through all sort of emotions, the tears of sadness are still flowing each day. But these long long days are difficult to fill and along with very little sleep, i find it difficult to get anything done. I push myself most days. I never ever thought that lonliness could feel so awful. The empty feeling, i quiver inside my body, had the shakes, lost weight, the list is endless. Will i ever have any normality ever again, or is this the way life is everyday for me now.
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Hello DGMG , I am so sorry for your loss…try not to expect too much of yourself, it’s early days for you but you are doing well to have found this site , everyone on here completely understands how you are feeling. I still cannot sleep unless I take medication and my husband passed away six months ago. I feel wretched, I am exhausted and so very lonely despite living with my adult daughter. But I guess I must be coping as I am still here and there have been plenty of times that I could not envisage seeing a tomorrow. I was not prepared for how such a devastating loss would make me feel. It changes simply every aspect of your life. I try to remember that we were together for 39 years and have now been apart for six months so I am entitled to feel lost. On the one hand six months feels like yesterday and on the other it feels like six years. Sending you hugs, Jo
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Yes, one day you will not physically hurt, the quivering still stop, your appetite will return and the tears won’t fall so often. I am so sorry that you are suffering so. There are no words that make it better, but I feel you.
Motivation is hard sometimes. Make a list of 5 thing you must get done, or 5 things you want to do, for each day, then do them. Just checking off the list will prove that you are moving forward, albeit slowly. Each week you will accomplish 35 things but it won’t be so overwhelming.
What you are going through seems to be quite normal according to other widowers and widows here. It was a relief for me to know that my reactions were universal. I hope that it brings you some comfort to know that you are not alone in this miserable process and that many of us are exactly where you are. We get it.
May peace be with you.
Not long for mr either and I am feeling all the things you are saying ! I hope that we will all find a little price and comfort and the support here is helpful x
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Thank you. I hope i can find some comfort on this site, as all i hear from friends just now is times a healer. I wish it was, time will only allow me to try and find a way to manage all these emotions, if ever. Thank you for replying, it means alot to me.
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Thank you for your lovely message. I hope this site can provide a little piece of comfort for me. For each day seems to be harder than the previous.
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Thank you. I truly hope so. As i have never felt so lonely and helpless. Sometimes i cant even put into words how i am feeling.
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We know how you feel. Many of us new widows are numb and going through the motions to just function. I literally take my day one hour at a time. Today, I ran errands for an hour, then scrambled home. I cleaned my husband’s office/music room bathroom. I dragged limbs to the curb along with 3 bins of weeds and dead things. My nephew came and selected some fishing gear and took it away. I threw away a bin of 20 year old cables to things we don’t have, old hand radios, and a walkie without a talkie.
One bag, one box, one three drawer plastic thing of junk - gone. Receipts from 2009 - gone. Vacuumed 1/3 of the carpet before getting to tired to move anything else.
An hour at a time and a list. That is how we do it.
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5 months on, and I am still throwing out old, inapplicable and useless cables, bits of wood and paperwork.
There’s still a lot to go.
I wait until the day before bin collection and fill them up with junk.
Xx
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