Thank you for this wonderful message. You very much capture how I feel in every sentence. I will definitely look at this website. I visit my husband’s grave every week without fail and anything which helps bring me closer to him is invaluable. Thank you so very much for your kind words and invaluable support. It never fails to amaze me that the kindness of people in this forum can be so empowering. Thank you X
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I agree …im not happy in the company of couples .it isnt necessarily their fault …its just the hurt i feel around them .
Maybe in time this will get easier.
At the moment im a bit bitter lol x
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It’s strange isn’t it that I never realised couples would be an issue. They come from a position of having no knowledge of how we feel and that being the ‘third wheel’ in their company is painful as they have their normal and we do not. As you say not their fault but I feel it’s best just staying away from them at present and yes some will never be seen again as their insensitive actions will not be forgiven or forgotten. X
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I agree. I get up early just to go to the shops to avoid seeing them all. I never go shopping at the weekend as it is worse than during the normal week days. I sometimes feel like I have a big sign in my back saying ‘widow’ I dash in and dash out and only ever use the self service checkouts. I hope over time I will fine this type of scenario easier. Take care X
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Karot148, i am very similar to you. I go shopping on a Thursday morning, about 9.30, just M&S its the right size for me. I can get round now with out crying. I use the self check outs. They made me use a normal check out once and i felt like panicking. I shut myself away at weekends. Take care
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I completely understand I’m exactly the same. All the people and checkout staff send me into a total panic. I think as the prior kind person said it’s self preservation. Take care x
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Yes do try I think it would help you. It saves those ‘how are you today’ questions and other irrelevant chat from the shop assistants and avoids all the noise and happy chatter which is so hard to deal with. I’m hoping over time we will be able to cope with it. Take care x
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Sometimes people say things that hurt, but they don’t want it to be that way, too. I have a nice neighbor, gentleman, who helped me around the house last year. He helped me w/ some yard work. Him and his wife are really nice people. But, one day he told me how they recently went to Europe, celebrating their anniversary and it hurt a lot. Another friend told me about her cruise w/ her husband. I had only lost him a month or so. It felt like a knife in my heart.
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I will visit the spot where my dear wife’s ashes are scattered today. I know it will be my special place and I will feel close to her.
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Hi @Karot148
Firstly I’m so sorry for your loss.
Just to put another point of view to you - do you think it’s possible that your friends deliberately didn’t mention your loss because they didn’t want you to feel you had to keep talking about it? Maybe they thought that talking about something else takes your mind off it. It’s a shame to lose such close and long standing friends. Could you look at it again in a different light? We all need our friends, especially at times like this
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It is difficult isnt it…and the pain in your heart feels physical.
But they dont know the pain you feel when they mention holidays .
And some days you can cope better than others and how do they know this .
I feel its easier to separate yourself from people you know are likely to hurt you 
And hopefully eventually we will cope 
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I just hope with time we will get stronger to cope …its 6months since my lovely husband passed away and im particularly struggling at the moment because i feel people have stopped asking how i am and moved on .
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I know what you mean. But they’re probably not thinking like that, sometimes they just don’t know what to say for fear of upsetting you.
As you said they don’t know what sort of day you’re having, and vice versa.
I just feel that a good support network is invaluable at this time and when you spend a lot of time in your head, feeling worry, pain, whatever, a few minutes talking about something else is really helpful. But that’s just my opinion and we’re all different.
I hope we all get stronger and more at peace with it all soon too.
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Hi Rebecca I’ve tried analyzing this in so many different ways. I really have come to the conclusion after 40 years and thinking over past events it really is the way they are. I would never text someone in such a vile manner. So I really don’t want people like this around me. Take care x
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Hi you are clearly experiencing the same as me with those drifting away. It’s hard isn’t it? I lady I know who was widowed four years ago says we have to rebuild our lives with like minded people and one day they may have to do the same. I send love and strength to you all X
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I am so sorry you have experienced this insensitivity. It seems to be very prevalent among those who have not been bereaved of a loved one. My husband died suddenly over a year and a half ago and I still have a physical pain at his loss. For those who understand, no words are necessary. For those who don’t no words are helpful. I have worked well with the following words of advice - No matter how lonely I get on my journey, I will not reinvite toxic people back into my life. Best wishes.
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I am so terribly sorry for your loss and I feel and understand your pain completely. I feel the same from the minute I wake to the minute I sleep. I agree with you we do not need these people in our lives. This couple were my friends but became passengers on my train journey and I’ve put them off at the last station. It was a one way ticket! I send you love and thanks for your very poignant message X
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I understand your hurt. Let’s hope one day we can deal with these comments. I know one thing for sure I will never be like this when someone is grieving. I send you much love and support x
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Its true i have learnt so much about grief , ive learnt in the past i probably didnt say or do the right thing.
My friend lost her husband 10 years ago at age 57.i visited few times but i dont think you can know till it happens to you .
Thats why this group is comforting because we all know how devastating the loss of your lovely person is💔
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Everyone just goes back to their normal and expect us to just get on with it. What is our new and unwanted normal seems to be completely beyond the comprehension of those who have no experience of this situation. You are correct this space to talk in keeps us strong together. X
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