Has anyone experienced this. I lost my husband suddenly 11 months ago. I have no family we were together 42 years. People have drifted away. Especially couples. One couple of 40 years the texts became less frequent and quite insensitive telling me about their three week holidays and not even asking how I was. I arranged to meet them as their request but couldn’t face it knowing I would struggle. So I text explaining that as I was not coping well with all the additional physical activities and lack of family and support and I felt their texts were actually insensitive and how lucky they were to be going on holiday and have family around them. I’ve had the most vile text back telling me it’s a pile of self pity and they aren’t surprised I hardly see anyone. I’m absolutely astonished that people can act in this way. Has anyone else experienced this? Ironically these people are the last people my husband asked to see before he died. I don’t think he would believe this!
I am sorry for your loss. Bless you. People can be very insensitive. The depth of our grief is unimaginable. I have adult children. Two of them live away. I feel as if I am invisible. Friends who I have supported over the years, have shown little or no suppory. I lost R just over 1 year ago. My life has changed. Lonliness is the worst.
Thank you for your response so kind of you and I’m so sorry for your loss. This has really knocked me. I even said to these people I hope they are never in this terrible position. Until you start on this journey you have no idea. The hours are endless and I wish texts had never been introduced. They almost allow people to be dismissive and treat you in a hurried fashion. We need voices and human contact but they don’t get it. I suppose really I’m better off without them. Take care x
So sorry to hear this Karen. Some people can be so insensitive, mainly because they don’t understand what we are going through, but to send a vile text is uncalled for.
Luckily, I’ve had nothing like that. Yes some old friends in Wales have perhaps not been in touch as much as I thought they would, but I understand it.
You take care. 
Hello, I’m sorry for your loss & lack of support from these friends.
We also had a long standing couple as what we regarded as best friends, when my husband died I assumed they’d be there for me but that wasn’t the case, after a few upsetting incidents I realised that as I was now a “1” the status quo was altered, a “3” didn’t work for them & of course the wife will think your a single available woman now & maybe doesn’t trust her husband.
When one of them loses the other they will only then understand how devastating there actions towards you were.
I regret all the times we were there for them over the years, but on the other hand I know there will be a time when they will need support and what was given so freely before won’t be forthcoming & it’s their loss, the only people they could completely rely on over the years had been us.
Thank you so much for your response. As I’m so shaky this morning this really helps. This is a path that one day one partner in every couple will walk. I hope they get the love and support they need and never experience anything like this. Take care x
I agree with this completely. I felt the three dynamic was struggling. I guess others have probably experienced this element of it too. Maybe they didn’t sense I felt that. Although 4 months after my husband died she told me ‘I was young enough to find someone else’ 2 months after he died I sat through 20 minutes of them telling me about their neighbour who had died of cancer. It has been a struggle with them so as hard as it is it’s probably for the best. Just hard to see when I’m so upset by it. Take care and thank you.
Karen, the most important people on this awfully sad journey we are taking, is ourselves.
You ignore those who treat you bad and look after yourself. 
Thank you that’s such good advice. I WILL👍x
People don’t understand unless they have experienced it themselves. I sometimes feel guilty that I didn’t do enough for my mum after my dad passed. I guess people can get it wrong but a little compassion doesn’t cost anything. Love and hugs.
I think you’re right and I agree I never really understood until now. I was always taught to be honest, but clearly even trying to explain to some people just gets met with an outpouring of abuse. I’m afraid I will never be able to forgive such behaviour but as the prior kind person said I must think of myself. Take care x
I hope you take care too Karen x
I too have had a lot of insensitive comments about holidays and how good their lives are .
Ive decided to just keep these people at a distance for the time being .
Ive learnt from losing my husband i might have been like this before .
They just dont get it…i had a sister in law text to ask how i was but then continued to say how lovely the weather was and they were going away for the weekend .it was particularly bad day for me and i just busrt into tears .
My daughter said the best way to reply is not to reply and they may get the messege.
I find this works 
I’m sorry you too have had to deal with people such as this. I tried ignoring and it continued which is why I told them how I felt about their insensitivity and then the abuse began. I am distancing myself permanently and have told them so. Support from people such as yourself is invaluable as we face this journey together x
@Karot148
I’m really sorry your so called friends have behaved so badly towards you just when you need some support given with love.
These people are just not worth worrying or giving a second thought to. They have treated you abysmally and I would cut ties immediately and do not reply to them and block them on your phone.
You are the one who matters now and to be hurt like this is something you do not need.
This ridiculous couple have no empathy and to accuse you of wallowing in self pity just shows what a toxic pair they are…
They should be careful cause it’s gonna happen to one of them at some point…
You have every right to wallow if you want and as I said before it’s you who matters most now…
You do what’s best for your n sod these two off…
Thank you. I love some of the words you use in this you are so right they are toxic. They have always acted very entitled and after all these years I finally see them for what they are. It has knocked me but I won’t let them bring me down any further. I whole heartedly agree this will be them one and they will then reap what they have sown. Thank you x
I’m so sorry for your loss and for the additional hurt caused by people you thought were friends.
It’s not exactly the same for me because I didn’t lose a partner, but when my dad died I felt absolutely devastated at the lack of support from the person I had long considered my best friend.
I stewed on it for a long time. I suppose I still do in a way. But eventually I reassessed who and what was important to me. I now feel like I have a vacancy in my friendship circle for someone special, rather than feeling like I have a friend who is a source of pain. And it’s a cliche but I do really feel like it’s her loss.
I was so glad that my mum’s friends were absolutely amazing in the weeks and months after we lost Dad. It was more important for me that she was looked after when I couldn’t be there.
Some people get it, others don’t. I’ve read every explanation/excuse for friends distancing themselves in grief and I will never accept that avoiding your friends in their darkest hour is okay. I will never accept that people who cannot muster a simple “How are you?” from time to time actually care.
I’m not sure this is a very helpful response, but I hope you know that you are definitely not alone. x
This has been one of my struggles. I’ve had some of the dumbest things said to me and I have chalked it down to lack of emotional intelligence. David Kessler says we live in a grief illiterate society. Until someone loses a spouse, they have no clue. I think this is why some isolate. The first year I was so raw, but this year I am better able to just blow it off if someone says something dumb.
Thank you. Every response is helpful and it helps me re-align my mind and realise it is not me who has done something wrong but these thoughtless individuals. I think I probably do need to distance myself from couples in general as they have no idea whatsoever what both my emotional mind and physical body are dealing with as two people’s jobs become the jobs of one. Thank you
Yes I have very much isolated due to the thoughtless comments and gradually decided who I trusted. I guess this has pushed some away. But this couple I trusted and am still reeling with the vicious vile text. But each message I receive in here helps me more than you can possibly realise. X