Long summer evenings

This is my first time on the forum so feeling a little nervous. My husband died 20 months ago and I miss him all the time. However it has seemed particularly bad during this sunny patch when the evenings are long and warm. I would so love to have David here to go for a walk with instead of always having to arrange something with someone. I’m fed up of trying to explain the deep loneliness that is with me24 /7. It’s pointless to try to most people who haven’t lost a partner because they can never know. I appreciate that as I know didn’t understand either until I was in that position. I try to keep busy during the day and don’t just sit expecting people to come to me but it’s tiring and so much effort. I’ve just come to sit on a seat looking over the sea and realise I fortunate to live in a beautiful place but it makes my heart ache to hear families on the sand or couples walking hand in hand past me. I would give a lot to hold David’s warm loving hand again. That can’t happen and ltry and move forward slowly but oh what hard work it is. Bless all you folk feeling like me. I hope you have a couple of things to keep you going over the weekend.


Dear @Hilary55

Welcome to the Community. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your husband.

You have nothing to be nervous about coming to the forum as we have all been in your sad position.

It is very hard for people who have not lost a loved one to understand the pain and loneliness of someone who has and also people are afraid to approach talking about your loss for fear of upsetting you.

It is good to keep busy but please do be gentle with yourself at the same time. You do need time to grieve and sadly grief has no time limits. One day at a time. You will get there but at your pace.

Do you have neighbours, friends and family that you could walk by the sea with and let them know how you feel? Sometimes it is good to talk and let people know how you are feeling so they have a better understanding of bereavement and as to how you are feeling.

Please continue to reach out and take care of yourself. You are not alone, we are all here for you.

I do hope your weekend goes well for you.



I really understand this, I too am really missing my husband Jim, it is not having a chit chat and his laugh I am really missing. I really do feel for you


It is very difficult isn’t it. I try to have things arranged to get out but I do agree that is exhausting trying to keep busy. It does help to get out and meet people though.
I miss our trips out and planning our holidays. It’s so hard when you hear of everyone going on their trips away, makes you more aware of the loneliness.
This forum is great as we all understand.
Take care xx


Hilary55, so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you. It’s been almost 20 months for me too, since my darling husband was suddenly and unexpectedly taken away from me, feels like yesterday though, I’m completely lost in time, if that makes any sense.
You’re right about these long summer days that never end, thankfully our heatwave has calmed down a bit now (I live in Italy).
Hoping you find comfort sharing your thoughts here, like I do.
Take care.

Yes holidays are especially difficult. I could so do with a complete break but hard to know how to do it. We used to do cottage breaks and just do National Trust houses and have coffees out. Nothing spectacular or strenuous but it suited us. Its not always easy to find friends who would want to spend the time with you. Thank you for all your good wishes. Its nice to be in a place where people understand.


Off the back of your post, Hilary, I’ve just found a website for holidays for “the mature single traveller”, called one traveller.
Apologies if you’re not “mature” (we all have our moments!), but that might be an idea to get you a break? - though, it’s not cheap.
I have thought about dipping a toe in the water, so to speak, by just taking myself off for a couple of nights staying in a Premier Inn type place just to experience being away on my own.
While it’s not really what any of us want, I do think it’s probably beneficial to try new things to enable us to broaden our horizons a bit, as and when we feel able to.
Sometimes it’s fear of the unfamiliar that stops us and sometimes we just can’t muster up any enthusiasm.

Thank you for your helpful comments. Yes I have my bus pass so probably count as mature! Yes I’m thinking about trying a short break. I do have family and friends who will help me out but slow and steady I think. Good wishes for your own travels

Hi Hilary , so sorry for your loss.

I lost my wife 6 weeks ago after a year with bladder cancer .
She loved our garden so I’m trying to tidy up as we speak.
I get what you mean about the long summer nights, I too live by the sea and seeing couples walk the dog and families having fun really hits home what has happened to me and my incredible Mandy . I’m 54 and now have a life I didn’t sign up for. We were only married 3 years but I was with her for 13.5 years , she being my everything.

I too feel lost at times , I’m trying to change things around the house, doing things Mandy never got round to doing because she struggled to make decisive decisions, but it’s yearning for my old life that is now impossible and even after this short time I’ve realised my life is utterly different now .

Don’t feel nervous on here , we are all here together for a reason , looking for guidance and just putting our thoughts down.

Stick around , I can’t promise things get easier for you but try and think happy memories of your loved one .

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Glenn you are so so early on the journey. You are doing amazingly if you can function at any level so soon after losing your lovely Mandy. It is helpful to see that other people go through all the emotions I have and lots of different ones too. We are such wonderful and complicated beings and it’s great that we can support each other at such vulnerable times. Take care


Hi I find the holidays really hard, everyone is planning time away so I’ve booked 2 weeks off and I’m going to do something for me. It’s so hard though,I miss my wonderful hubs John, he’s been gone for almost 19 months now.I don’t know how to do life without him! :cry:


It is really hard to do life without your special person . I haven’t figured it out in lots of ways but also know that l am managing in some ways. It’s not the same or what we wanted but there will be a way through. Hope you can find some nice ways to treat yourself


I totally understand, I lost my husband Mike suddenly on 31 July 2020 and miss his constantly. I have just moved home, 90 minutes away from family, thinking this might help, to make a fresh start, but it’s just put me back to square one, I simply feel I don’t want to go on anymore


That’s hard. You are a couple of months ahead of me on the journey. I don’t think there is a right way of doing things but whatever gets us through. I moved to be nearer family but it doesn’t solve everything of course. Take care today


Yes it feels like that at times @SuzieC and the dips just seem so random. Knowing that my husband John would want me to live the rest of my life as best I can spurs me on and also for my kids & grandkids. It’s one step at a time and I try not to look too far ahead! I hope you can settle where you are :kissing_heart:x

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