I long to go to a time before my parents died.
It feels like a time of innocence, before illness and death destroyed my life. I know this isn’t true, because I’ve always struggled, but the stakes seem higher, the illnesses and problems more severe and no longer a passing thing. My parents being around made me feel safe from the worst of possibilities, most of the time. It’s hard to keep having hope.
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Hello
Sorry for your loss - it’s terrible to find such sites relevant. Never at the start of the year would I think I’d be posting here.
Every minute of every day I yearn to turn back the clock - to go to a point where I could take things down a different path so that maybe I’d still have my wonderful Dad.
A year of separation due to covid followed by a loss with no chance to reunite is beyond my worst nightmares.
I feel scared, vulnerable, lost. I’ve never cried more and it’s just exhausting.
It does help though to know you’re not alone. I sometimes feel that people think there’s something wrong with me because I feel so bad but there isn’t. I’m now paying for having such an amazing Dad - I can’t live without him.
I wish you strength - I know how bad this feels.
Take care
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I’m sorry you’re having such a terrible time. It’s true, those of us with wonderful parents pay in grief when they are gone. My very best wishes to you and I hope you find people to help ease or at least witness your pain.
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Hi Helenci
I know, I even used to think I think I love my parents too much because the thought of anything ever happening to them always hurt so much. Then your worst nightmare happens and it’s even worse than could ever be imagined.
I can’t keep on like this, the sick feeling everg morning is getting more intense and my hatred fod basically everything just increases. Losing my Dad is intolerable and also seeing what it is doing to my Mum makss everything harder.
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I’m so sorry
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Hey, i feel the same as you on this, parents make you feel safe. I would love so much to go back in time. I guess we have to just keep hoping even though its not always sure its there. Its like the more adult we all get the more crap it gets.
Sorry for your loss. Think we will just have to take each day as it comes.
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Yes, I’m sorry we all feel this way. Everything I want are the things I just can’t have and I hate myself for not making the most of them when I did have them.
My parents were shielding and I wouldn’t have been allowed in the house, but if I could go back a year, I’d go sit in my parent’s garden every day just to look at my Dad. I could see him then, now I can never see him again.
I hate myself and I hate this life I’m left with. If only I could speak to my wonderful Dad, ask his advice, talk about current affairs, just tell him I love him.
I just can’t fathom a way through this. I’m taking a day at a time but it is getting worse, much worse by the day.
I hope others are finding strength but as for me, I’m just overwhelmed with grief, regrets and if onlys.
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Im thinking the same as you, i want the one person i cant have and that hurts so much.
My parents were shielding aswell, there were points when i couldn’t go into the house to see them, it did change half way in the year as they needed me to care for them, but i do wish i had been over alot more than i did but it was hard due to my dad’s illness, hes now in a nursing home. I just wish i had done more with my mum even if it was a walk around with so i could talk to her about anything.
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Yes, I think the if onlys and wanting to turn back time will finish me off. I just hate this life without my Dad, my Mum without her husband, my sons without Grandad. I don’t want to see a robin or a butterfly or a feather, I want to see my Dad, speak to him and cuddle him.
I’m finding it harder and harder by the day despite counselling.
Nothing can bring my Dad back. I need him so badly.
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What a wonderful website ! I thought I was the only person feeling like this ! So wanting to turn time back . I lost my mum a year ago and it’s getting harder . Has anyone else suffered extreme anxiety? I can’t function anymore . My mum was my safety and my best friend
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