Long to go back in time

I long to go to a time before my parents died.
It feels like a time of innocence, before illness and death destroyed my life. I know this isn’t true, because I’ve always struggled, but the stakes seem higher, the illnesses and problems more severe and no longer a passing thing. My parents being around made me feel safe from the worst of possibilities, most of the time. It’s hard to keep having hope.

Sorry for your loss - it’s terrible to find such sites relevant. Never at the start of the year would I think I’d be posting here.
Every minute of every day I yearn to turn back the clock - to go to a point where I could take things down a different path so that maybe I’d still have my wonderful Dad.
A year of separation due to covid followed by a loss with no chance to reunite is beyond my worst nightmares.
I feel scared, vulnerable, lost. I’ve never cried more and it’s just exhausting.
It does help though to know you’re not alone. I sometimes feel that people think there’s something wrong with me because I feel so bad but there isn’t. I’m now paying for having such an amazing Dad - I can’t live without him.
I wish you strength - I know how bad this feels.
Take care

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I’m sorry you’re having such a terrible time. It’s true, those of us with wonderful parents pay in grief when they are gone. My very best wishes to you and I hope you find people to help ease or at least witness your pain.

Hi Helenci
I know, I even used to think I think I love my parents too much because the thought of anything ever happening to them always hurt so much. Then your worst nightmare happens and it’s even worse than could ever be imagined.
I can’t keep on like this, the sick feeling everg morning is getting more intense and my hatred fod basically everything just increases. Losing my Dad is intolerable and also seeing what it is doing to my Mum makss everything harder.

I’m so sorry

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