Sorry for your loss.
I feel yr pain, I too lost my partner 51 yrs young suddenly just 3 months ago. it’s totally ok to feel how yr feeling. Your everyday life has been completely changed without any warning…
Have you considered seeking the counselling that’s on offer on here?
I’ve found it very useful to speak with someone, at first I wasn’t sure but I’ve had three sessions now and I’m definitely finding it’s good to talk to someone who isn’t family or a friend, because they all mean well, but sometimes talking to someone who isn’t part of yr life with yr partner helps… but also this forum is good to share yr thoughts and feelings, and to know yr not alone, I know that doesn’t ease yr pain, but know people are here.
Be kind to yourself…
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Sadtime
Sorry for your loss, I feel life is so unfair at the minute that Neil had so much left to give. I don’t think am ready just yet for counselling but will look into it soon. Yes I get talking to a stranger may be better. As good as my family and friends are I don’t want to burden them. I feel as though sometimes I am holding my grief in because I don’t want to upset anyone. If that makes sense. Look after yourself too xx
You don’t realise the amount of people going through this heartbreak . You tend to think your the only one but after reading these messages you realise so many hearts are broken by the loss of there loved ones x
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Broken
Your right it’s a strange situation to think your not alone. So many people are suffering just as much as us. We are all in the same heartbreaking place 
xx
Your story is so similar to mine Broken2222 I felt I had to reply. My partner was diagnosed with throat cancer in Nov. 2020. Her treatment started early 2021. Like your husband she suffered terribly with chemo and radiation treatment. After the 6 week course of treatment I had high hopes that she would be cured but her jaw locked as a side effect of the radiation and she couldn’t eat properly. All she could get in her mouth was high calorie soup but she lost so much weight there was nothing of her. In the mean time where she had teeth out prior to the radiation she got abcess after abcess . Jo suffered like this for a year Her last appointment was Oct. 4 last year where like your husband she was told that it had spread and she was too frail to withstand anymore treatment. She told him she didn’t want it anyway she’d suffered enough. So brave. She told me she was at peace and ready to go. She finally passed away in her sleep at home with me on the 18 Oct. I hope you don’t mind me describing my experience to you but I felt it was so similar that I had to reply. I’m so sorry for you loss.
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Thank you for your reply . My husband had a sore throats from about October 2020 but nothing really bad he didn’t bother with dr because of coved. February 2021 his neck swelled up had phone appointment with dr he was given antibiotics and swelling went down. Had a face to face appointment the week later and dr referee him to cancer specialist . He also had to have a tooth took out before treatment could start. He also had six weeks of radiation and chemo . In middle of this he was in hospital for a week with septic .his mouth was full of ulcers of treatment and he found it hard to eat but he took high calorie drinks and managed not to lose to much weight… after treatment finished he felt quiet well and managed to build a shed in our yard . When he finally had his follow up appointment he could feel lumps in his throats but was told he had to wait for pet scan . By the time he got scan he was getting pain in his hip and shoulder. A week later we were told cancer had spread to his liver and bones and lymph nodes. He was told they couldn’t cure him but could treat him to stop the pain. They took a blood test on the Friday on the Monday we got a phone call for him to go in hospital for a couple of days because calcium was leaking from his bones . On the Friday he passed . I wasn’t with him as I had gone home but asked hospital to phone me if any change they phoned half seven Friday morning I was at hospital within 10 min but he had already died. I wish he had never had any treatment as he was fit and healthy and working and I feel the treatment killed him. Sorry for going on but just needed to talk to someone how I feel can’t talk to family like this we all get to upset . Thank you for listening
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We have to just try and live for them even though we would join them in a heartbeat . Every day passed is a day nearer to being with them that’s what I write in my diary ever night when I write to my one and only true love also ask him to come and get me . Sending love to you x
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I write to Neil 2/3 times a day, I have to keep him alive in my head so I tell him all about mu day. I ask Neil to come for me to and I know one day I will be with him again for eternity. I will never love again he was my everything and always will be. Love to you too xx
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I totally agree life is unfair and cruel. Billy and I had plans, we where due to get married 6 wks after he passed, it was postponed from 2020 due to covid. I feel like we’ve both been robbed of our futures.
I’m sure you feel the same.
Please let family and friends take care of you, and please look after yrslf eat when you can and rest when you can, I know those things aren’t easy, I have no interest in food anymore, and sleep well what’s that…
Try to get out for a daily walk as well maybe with some headphones in, so you don’t have to talk to people. I know nothing will ease the pain yr feeling, but we are all here for you, sadly we are all grieving for
Our loved ones.
And if we can take little comfort in having this forum with people who are going through what we all are, just to share how we are feeling without feeling we are being a burden to our family and friends, which we are not, but it’s how our brain makes us feel… and also as much as our friends and families mean so well because they love us, until you’ve been through what we have they really don’t know how it feels to be us… here for you anytime. Take care. X
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Yes I know my friend ,it is awful,the pain of losing someone very close ,I lost my lovely wife Judith 16 weeks ago and I am now a changed person,no zest for living this life ,just want to fade away.Go to sleep and not wake up would be perfect for me.Your Neil was so young,it is not fair.Judith was taken by cancer ,The NHS missed her through Covid ,when she did get a scan it was too late.So now I have to live this life alone and empty ,overwhelmed by grief everyday. Michael x
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Sadtime, Am so sorry you never got to get married that is so unfair. Yes its unfair thought we would grow old together. Yes everyone has been so supportive, and being in the forum has been so good. It makes it a little easier talking to other people who know how we feel as you say if you haven’t been in this situation it’s hard to understand what we are going through even with their best intentions. Thank you, here for you too. Take care xx
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Mickey I am so sorry for your loss of you lovely wife., Yes I understand, I feel completely empty inside and feel like am going through the motiions of life but not really there. Life is so cruel take care xx
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Broken 2222
I know what you’re going through. My husband, Alf was in remission for bone cancer. We went for his monthly review and the consultant said his levels had shot up so he had an MRI scan. On the morning of his next appointment he wasn’t well enough to travel so I made him go to bed. The consultant phoned me and said the cancer had spread and he had a massive tumour in his brain. He then said Alf only had days to weeks left. I was devastated, I got myself together, went in the bedroom to tell him. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Five weeks later he passed away. We buried him three days before Christmas. My saying to everyone is, ‘Im fine’ but I’m breaking up inside. I’ve spoken to a few lovely people on here and I find it helps me get things off my chest for a while. I have just realized how long this message is, so sorry for going on. Take care . Hugs.
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Kathy38. I don’t know how we are surviving days are so horrible without our loved ones . Sometimes I think it’s not real and he will walk through the door. Also if anything happens I think oh I will have to tell Chris when I get in and then realise I can’t . He was the biggest part of my life and helped me through so much . My dear mother died when I was 23 and she was only 59 . Chris was there to help me and when my dad took bad we moved him in with us and looked after him till he died he was 81 . The pain of losing a parent is horendous but losing your partner is just unbelievable and hard to carry on with life knowing they are no longer there to help you love you make you laugh comfort you and all the other things we all miss . Hope you are ok that’s the best we can ask for . Big hug x
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Hi Broken2223, What a coincidence, my mother died aged fifty four when I was twenty one…Alf and I brought our wedding forward for her. After we got married we went to the hospital in our wedding finary so she could us.
It’s so hard isn’t it with everyone telling us to be positive when we are just crying inside. Take care and keep in touch. X
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Hi kathy38 it is so hard we had our partners to help us through the bad times now we don’t have anyone. I have adult children and grandkids but don’t want to upset them . Just after Chris died I was in a terrible state crying saying I just want to be with him . My daughter said that she needs me so now I just keep my thoughts to myself so not to upset them . This is all new to me online I have never done Facebook or anything like that . But it is helping a little being able to chat with people who understand the pain I am going through hope you find some comfort also on here . if Chris could see me on here he would be telling me I’m mad and to get a grip also he would say it is what it is . That’s what he said when he found out he had cancer and when it had spread . I hate that saying now . I feel like I’m writing a full book on here hope you don’t mind . Big hug x
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Hi just thinking of you and hope you had an ok day xsending love to you x
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Hi lisefin just thinking of you hope you had an ok day x much love x ( think I just sent this message to myself what an idiot I am must have brain fog )x
Hi broken am ok, up and down really, hope you day was ok too. Much love to you too xx
I think we are all like that when I left work they were all saying have a nice weekend I know they were only being nice but how am I supposed to have a nice weekend when I just think about what Chris and I was doing this time last year before all the horrible started . It must be worse for you as it happened so suddenly x. Then a friend gave me a lift and she popped into garage while she was in the shop Justin Bieber song ghost came on radio I just wanted scream and get out of car and run. I managed to hold myself together till I got home . It just hits very hard sometimes x
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