Hello. I’m new to this forum. I lost my dad to cancer 20 years ago and it was hard. I missed him, still do, but I coped. I lost my mum to cancer in August 2022 and it still feels so painful and raw. I’m not coping. My mum was my best friend. I felt safe knowing she was around. We laughed and cried together. We spent time together. I didn’t make it to her bedside before she left me for good, yet I had been there every step of the way. I feel guilty and angry. I’ve had lots of counselling but just can’t find myself again. Every day I feel her loss more. I will never get over losing my mum. 
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So sorry to hear this x
@Jayliegh,
I’m sorry for your loss. I feel the same way about the loss of my husband. I have lost many family members over the years, both from my side of the family & also from my husbands side of the family & we have lost many friends too. Many of the people we lost along the way were pretty young & that was hard but we always managed to get through it somehow. I think it was because we always had each other & whatever we were going through we went through together. When I lost my husband it was the first time I ever had to go through it alone & it is so hard. I really do feel completely alone in this world now & nothing seems to matter anymore & I just feel so sad all the time. I just try to keep on going, taking one day at a time, because I know that he would want me to & I try to draw my strength from him. I try to remember how precious life is & how much he also believed that & I know he wants me to be happy. So I just keep on trying to live each day as it comes & I try not to look too far ahead. I’m sure that your mum would want the same for you. She’d want you to keep on laughing when you can & crying when you need to. I think it’s important to take the time you need to grieve. We shouldn’t feel rushed to get over our grief because no two losses will be the same just as the relationships we had with those we lost weren’t the same. The relationship that you had with your dad would not have been the same as the relationship that you had with your mum, losing him 20 years ago meant that your mum & you learnt to lean on each other in times of need. You no longer have your mums strong shoulder to lean on & that’s really hard because now you have to go it alone but just try to remember that your not really alone. We are never really alone because as long as we remember them, as long as they live on in our hearts & memories, they will always be with us. I’m sure that your mum knew that you wanted to be with her at the end just as she knew you were there at every other step of the way with her. Sometimes things happen in life that we just have no control over. Sometimes things just turn out how they’re meant to be & although we may not understand why that is all we can do is accept that it is the way it is. Maybe you could write down everything that you’d want to say to your mum in a letter & send it to the wind with no address & that way maybe the words will somehow find their way to her. I really hope you can draw some strength from this.
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My sympathies for your loss. I can recognise my own feelings in what you write. I could cope losing my mum because I still had my dad and he made me feel safe. Now that he’s left me too, I struggle to find solid ground anywhere. I’m sorry I don’t have any good advice, but I do understand. 
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