How do I cope with the pain in side and the loneliness
Hi. Janet. Welcome. Please don’t be afraid to unload on here. We are all on a site no one wants to be on, but thank God it’s here. Everyone of the kind souls on here knows all about pain and suffering.
We all have or are coping with the pain. It’s hard going at times but it does ease. Honest!! Even if it eases just a little it’s a step forward. Baby steps. One day at a time. Come back and talk to us. It may help you cope at this sad time. Blessings.
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Hello is there any groups to chat to or meet up when we can, I feel so lonely it’s hard .
Hello Janet. I am truly sorry for your loss. As Jonathan has said, we on this site know of the pain and suffering of loss. It’s a physical pain, an emotional pain and a mental anguish. God, how it hurts. As John also says, it does ease but it never truly leaves us. You can join in any conversation on this site Janet. I have found so much comfort in reading words written by others grieving. We have become ‘online friends’ and are one big family. However, there are other sites , such as WayUp, where they do arrange meet-ups and activities, although not with the current crisis. I am not a member myself so can’t tell you anymore than that. Please do join in other conversations here though - you will get something from it - it’s a wonderful site full of beautiful, understanding people. Take care Janet. Sending love and strength to you. xx
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Thank you it’s good to hear from you, and thank you for your kind words x
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This virus is making things a lot worse stay safe xxx
It’s only been 8 weeks so it’s very raw…
Dear Janet,
You are right, the whole lockdown situation is making thinks a lot worse for a lot of people. Normally in the first weeks after a bereavement there is a lot of help and support from family and friends, who would visit or stay with you and try to bring some comfort, but now this is not possible it makes you probably feel the loss of your husband even more. It is good that you have come to this site. If you read through the posts of other women who have lost their husbands, you will find that you are not alone and there are others who understand what you are going through. There are no easy answers to your question on how to cope with the pain inside and the loneliness. Just try to take one day at a time. You can post on this site as often as you like. As you have already seen from the replies you received, there is always someone who will listen.
Jo
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Hi Janet. I am so sorry you are feeling so much pain and loneliness. You are not alone on this forum and can join in whenever you feel the need. Just to know that others are feeling exactly the same as you can be a comfort in a funny sort of way.
In my grief I did not find that I wanted to mix with people and certainly not groups. In a crowded room the loneliness does not go away it is still there as the person we want to be with isn’t with us and for me it highlighted his absence. I chose to take it steady and trust that I would know when I was ready to mix once more. Even people that I knew well and were kind and encouraged me did not bring me any comfort or enjoyment. Slowly I found that my ability to socialise again did start to return
Far from what I keep seeing on the forum this lockdown did not make things worse. I learnt things about myself that I didn’t expect. I learnt to have comfort from my garden and home again and even the town I live in. All places with too many memories. I have now adapted and it hasn’t been too bad.
I did find a supportive group at the local Hospice which did prove helpful. But I would say, don’t rush, just take each day as it comes and give yourself time to grieve.
Take care.
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Janet. please check mail. thank you.
Thank you very much I just want the pain to stop, I know it’s early but it’s going to take a while…you are so kind…is this message I have put seen by all ?
Yes, if you post something on this site everyone else who uses this site can see it and respond to it.
If you are using a laptop, you can move your mouse over the user name and read a bit more about the person who is posting something and if their settings allow it you can send them a private message that only they can see. I hope this information is helpful.
Jo
Good morning here we are another day, hope its a peaceful one…Thank you it’s just good to know…
Yes, as Jo has mentioned, forum conversations and replies (like this one) are public, but we do also have a private messaging system. Here are some instructions on how to send a private message.
If you need any more help, you can email me at online.community@sueryder.org.
your words ring so true, I feel lost, empty almost unable to breathe with the weight of the pain in my chest. David was my love, my best friend, my confidant, my mood soother. for the last eight years since my breakdown he has been my support despite fighting cancer (something I feel guilty over) he nurtured me walking beside or behind as I struggled to learn to live a ‘normal’ life, to be able to come out of the bedroom, and sit in the livingroom etc, there is so much more ‘work’ to be done I want to be able to go into the kitchen and cook and bake as I used to, I want to be able to go and sit in the garden, do a bit of weeding or pruning whenever I want without even thinking about it, or planning someone to come and do it with me. I promised him I would carry on I promised I would continue to live and I am learning how one tiny step at a time. I hope some pleasure will creep in some time and maybe the loneliness become less heavy
Hi. corinne1. Welcome. At this moment the pain can seem unbearable. I’m assuming it’s early days for you. If you had a breakdown the pain my be worse because you are an anxious person. You are sensitive, and sensitive people suffer more. The time will come, slowly at first, when you will be able to do the things you want to. This process of grief needs to be accepted because it’s natures way of easing the pain. If you accept it is so and don’t fight or struggle with emotions it can help a lot. Emotions will come and should be allowed to. ‘One tiny step at a time’. Yes, baby steps and one day at a time or even one hour. We all have the initial shock and often when we least expect it. We may feel unreal as if it’s all happening to someone else. Every emotion is not to be feared because it’s all part of the journey we are all on. You will grieve in your own way, as we all do. No rules apply. Come back and talk when you get more replies. The kind folk on here all know and understand. Blessings. John.
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Dear Corinne. Wise words from Jonathan, please do try to take them in and find the strength to do as he advises. Tiny steps at a time. Don’t rush, there is no timescale. You will know when you are ready to take a baby step forward. Give yourself time to grieve but do try to take care of yourself. Try a few minutes at a time to do each of the things you want to accomplish. Say five minutes at a time and if you can manage a few minutes longer then you have done what you wanted. Keep trying.
If I had a meltdown and couldn’t do something. sometimes frozen to the spot I would ask my Brian to come and help me and walk beside me. He always did. Perhaps you could ask David for his help, I am sure he will give it to you just as he always did.
I set myself a list of things I wanted to do and then would write everything down that I had managed to get done and when I looked back I realised I had been managing some days to get on with things. I still write down the things that I have done that day eighteen months later.
I am a very keen gardener but I could hardly look at our garden last summer, too many memories, couldn’t sit on the patio, the last place we sat outside together. This year I am finding pleasure once again in my outside space. Try to do some gardening it’s proving to be very therapeutic. Put something simple in the oven even something ready made and then move on from there. My heart goes out to you and I am so hoping that you can find that inner strength to do the things you so want to do. My Brian is still beside me as I am sure David will still be with you.
Stay with the forum it really can help we are all going through the same heartbreak and understand.
Pat xxx
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I totally understand what you are going through, I feel so alone and very sad, sometimes the pain in side is so bad I don’t know what to do with my self. I’m so lonely it’s hard to be on your own now with this lock down is making things a lot worse stay safe xxx
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Hello!
I just signed up today. I’ve read some of the encouraging words. I myself lost my significant other a year this month (turning the calendar was difficult) and still having struggles with daily life of the emotions. I miss him very much and do find it frustrating dealing with the sadness and grief that hasn’t gotten better yet. I work and do what needs to be done but the pain is everyday. Reaching out to all that see
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Hello flyfish I totally understand what you are feeling, I too lost my partner end of March, the pain is unbelievable, I’m retired now and struggle with this lock down is making things a lot worse stay safe xxx
Welcome Flyfish. Your profile name reminds me of flying fish that we used to see abroad. They come right out of the water and appear to fly only to dive back in again
Now that’s a good analogy to how we are in the early stages of grief, and often later, we seem to have moments of relief then back we go into our thoughts and emotions. Like the fish we need to learn to live in the water for a while. Moments of relief do come and we can build on those. I imagined a year would see me almost out of it. After 18 months I know that’s not going to happen. But I have got a routine and I do get out now. Sometimes it’s still painful and there is no way to stop the ‘triggers’ that are thrown at us in the form of memories. But it’s not all gloom and doom. I have some good friends both on here and outside who help so much. That elusive light in the distance does come closer. It’s brighter now than it was.
Take your time over grieving. We all do it our way, no rules apply.
You are among friends here because we all know and understand.
Blessings, and take care.