I wonder when we are feeling devastated and completely hopeless and empty if we should let in the grief, not try to deny it or try to distract ourselves. Tears are healing and sometimes we need to scream or yell with the agony of our heartbreak. I do think that if it has been a long time since our loved one left then maybe a visit to your GP would be a positive step. I know it is hard and I am in the very early stages of grieving ( only had the funeral on Wednesday) but I do try to listen to my David’s voice inside my heart, he would be saying life should go on, what would your dear wife be saying to you?

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Hello @penny6

Things must be rough for you at the moment it being so close to the funeral. So thank you for taking the time to post a reply. I think you’re right that we ought to let the grief in, after all it’s natural that we feel the way we do. I can’t be otherwise.

Take care.Best wishes


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Message whenever you need to Dutchman, it does help us all, this forum.

That sounds very familiar!

I’m trying to pace myself and listen to what my body tells me. If I’m tired then I rest.

I know there are probably thousands if not millions of people who are losing loved ones right now and grieving like us. No matter how well meaning friends and family are we do all this on our own. In the end we’re left with it.

My family have more or less done this and I don’t get to talk to them about how I am and they don’t message me especially about how I’m feeling. In many respects they just don’t know what to say I suppose. Life goes on, etc.

I have a brother in law who would probably think I’m “wallowing “ in it but that’s his nature. It’s all very well till it happens to them. I get through the day, that all I can say in the hope it gets easier as time goes on.

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Just a bit of a concern really. Just wonder what others do or feel about it.

I’m tending to stay in bed far too long. This morning it was 10.30, yesterday the same. I just don’t see the point in getting up. Before we’d get up early, plan the day, do something nice together. Even when she was in the care home I’d be there for 11.00. There was a purpose to the day. I suppose I should congratulate myself for getting out of bed at all!

Now I’m on my own I’m finding I reminisce all the time and this leads to sadness and longing. And I’m afraid I’m becoming sad more times than not where I’d expect to be more accepting by now. Life is quiet and empty and I hate it.

I just hope things will improve.

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I often lie in bed if I haven’t got anything to get up for so on Thursday and Saturday I lay in bed. Makes day go quicker. Today I was up earlier because I wanted to do some ironing. I think you have to do whatever you feel is tight for you at that time. Don’t beat yourself up about it. X

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Hi Dutchman, I think you would very much benefit from doing some voluntary work if you are able.
It gives you a purpose, you will be doing something useful and you will get to be with other people.
Charity shops always want help and there are sometimes gardening projects, it depends on your area but I would think your local library might be able to point you in the right direction.
If you like children local infant/junior schools sometimes want people to read a little story to the pupils, our library does this too. It is worth doing a bit of research and finding out what is on offer in your area.
Other things that could help are walking clubs, singing groups, local churches sometimes have things going on, and community centres do too. Have you got an Age UK in your area they will have info and advice.
Hope this helps you Dutchman.

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Hi @Dutchman I’m very much like you. I stay in bed far too long. It was about 10.30 when I got up today. Some days it can be 12.30. I hate when waking it hits you all over again that your person isn’t there. I need a purpose to get up. I have got an application form for volunteering as Penny suggested to you, but haven’t filled it in yet. Procrastination at it’s worst. Sitting here now thinking I should go outside and do some work in the garden. I hope things improve for us soon.

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Big hug,

Rose xx

Good to hear I’m not alone with the procrastination. I feel sometimes like
saying “ just fxxk it” to my cares, after all, we’ve all been through a horrendous experience and I think we’re entitled to as much slack as we can get.

I just don’t want to drift into a situation where I become complacent with doing little because of no motivation. My recovery after chemotherapy doesn’t help but I don’t want that to be always the excuse

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Hi @Dutchman

It’s bloody hard isn’t it! Maybe make yourself a little “to do” list of what you want, as in goals and how to achieve them. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: