Lonley

Ive sort of had an ok day haven’t cried had a swim and sauna took dog out and cut grass now its 5 pm and ive got at least 4 hours till i can take a quarter of a sleeping pill and go to bed not interested in tv haven’t listened to any music since Danny died what does everyone do in this situation its so sad i feel so sad

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Hi Debrat,
It’s strange how we all have our own methods to try and cope.
Mine is to listen to music, sometimes very sad music, other times uplifting.

I am only 3 weeks in with my loss, so for now this helps me.

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I’m the same music gets me through this,I spend hours on YouTube watching music videos also sometimes uplifting sometimes sad .Also I do jigsaws they take my mind of it for awhile.

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I didn’t think of breaking a sleeping tablet up? that’s not a bad idea, I have been trying to wean off them and the nights I don’t have one are not great, I will have one tonight as I am picking up Nick’s ashes tomorrow.
Nick always said to me I could have what I wanted, but I never asked , I bought myself a cheap swim robe and he said to me , why did I get that naff thing he thought I wanted a " Dry Robe" I said they are expensive! The Saturday he went into icu I am home that night and a parcel had been delivered he had bought me a dry robe!

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Oh that’s so nice yes doctor said for me not to have a sleeping pill every night so i break them up to tiny pieces and that lasts me 3 or 4 nights might be mind over matter but i have been sleeping

I have had 3 lots since Nick died and I don’t think they will give me anymore so yes i am going to try and break them up too

lesson ! don’t try and cut a sleeping tablet with a bread knife! I am such a divvy !

I’m exactly the same, trying to keep busy. I can’t watch TV or listen to music since my husband died (sudden cardiac arrest) the evenings are so lonely.

It is 6 months since I lost my husband Bob and the nights are still hard. I have TV on in background but rarely watch anything. Sometimes I do puzzles or just scroll through my phone but someone suggested an adult colouring book and I find that can be relaxing. It is not having anyone to talk to that I find a real challenge.

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I used to do painting by numbers during lock down I’m thinking of starting that up as well like you I’m not interested in the tv or radio they also do diamond art which is distracting as well

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Don’t use bread knife i use scissors but i make sure i don’t waste a crumb them sleeping pills are precious highlight of my night

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Instead of taking sleeping tablets you could try anti histamines the ones with cetirizine in make you quite drowsy. I take one a couple of hours before bed and they do help. I do not take them every night though as I do not want to become dependant on them, although Anti histamines are not addictive we still should not take them everyday. They can make you a bit groggy when you first get up the next day.

I’ll try them thanks for the advice

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see I didn’t think about scissors! thats something my hubby would of just done for me!

I’m afraid I’m getting addicted to playing games on my iPad. I turn the TV on in the evening but I don’t pay attention, I do scrabble and suduko and card games. Total time waster. I should be doing some of the admin that’s still hanging over me but I can’t face it. But in the daytime I don’t want to waste decent gardening hours sitting at the computer, so the admin is building up. Whatever happened to my motivation?

I don’t think it matters Annie it is a distraction and giving your mind and body a rest from the panic, and pain of our grief. I play mahjong, crosswords and other pointless puzzles and it does take your mind off things a bit.

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I have 3 cats so I generally spend my evenings being a revolving door man and talking to them.

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I don’t think it matters what you use as a diversion to grief as long as you’re not hurting anyone. Who says there are rules.

I listen to music, read, garden, decorate a room to make my house look nice. After that the still quiet time allows the grief to come back in so there really is no escaping it

That is a big question for me, should we avoid the grief and distract ourselves from it or let it flow over us and embrace the pain and tears.

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For some reason I’m so fed up at the moment. It comes unexpectedly, out of the blue, and roots me to a chair and I think about my Bridget and what I’ve lost.

I try to divert my attention by having little projects but when they’re done I’m longing for her again. I fear for my future as I get older and know I’ll be on my own. No one could replace her and I’ve no interest in another relationship.

So I’m stuck. My only hope is that it will become easier. C S Lewis after her lost his wife said that there were no more open roads anymore, only cul de sacs. That’s what I feel, that I’m going ok only to have to stop, progress out of the grief refused.