Lonliness

Since loosing my husband i feel alone i have got children but they have all got families of there own so i just feel a burden i have no one i dont have any friends we had been together since i left school 45 years

3 Likes

I’m sorry you have lost your husband and have found yourself here. You are not on your own, everything you are describing is being felt by other people on here.
You mention money concerns in your bio, have you claimed the bereavement allowance?
Please keep reading the posts and adding your posts when you are able

3 Likes

It seems loneliness is very common when you loose your partner - to be honest I think that the empty feeling will stay there forever we simply get used to the void . I really wished I could give you hope to feel whole again but I can’t - but I can give you hope that you will feel better because you will get used to it
Sadie

3 Likes

I’ve thought quite a lot about your last sentence Sadie, it has helped me, given me some hope that I will eventually ‘get used to it’. After over 2 years it’s no better…

1 Like

Hi Vik
The effort we have to make to feel a bit better is huge - but eventually we feel a bit better if nothing else because it is so exhausting to grieve
It is acceptance that life is changed forever, acceptance that the emptiness inside us is always therejust keep going Vik - one foot in front of my he other
Love Sadie xx

2 Likes

Thanks for your kind words, I know what you say is true because that’s what I face every day so I will keep going…

1 Like

Dear Sadie,

I totally agree with you. After nearly seven years without my loving husband of 47 years I have got used to a different way of living, I have got used to our family doing their own thing and totally forgetting I am alive unless they want something,. I have got used to sorting things out for myself, but the one thing I cannot get used to is not having the one person I have loved for most of my life with me. My life is lonely and the pandemic has not helped either, I don’t see a soul from one day to the next, all my friends from the 1960’s still have their husbands, one of them rang me to thank me for her birthday card and all she talked about was their holiday in Scotland, and another holiday coming up in a few weeks time, I could not get a word in, no asking how I was. I sometimes wished I lived thousands of miles away from everyone then I would not be disappointed when I am totally forgotten about. I go to the shops alone, go for a coffee alone, it is easier to stay at home than mess about with masks and hand gels, I lock the doors on a poor day and watch TV or sit in the garden on a lovely day knitting away, that has helped a lot, keeping my hands busy and my mind occupied with the complicated stitches and different needles. To be honest, I am totally sick and fed up. Everything I want is in the past, the present is miserable and the future is not even worth thinking about.

What a miserable existence this is.

2 Likes

I know how you feel you sound so down i dont see a future. Only positive for me is i did do all the bill paying and diy before but saying it doesnt really as i do find alot of things a struggle now and on top of all that i have money worries because i was always a housewife and i dont retire for anougher 5 years so having to navigate the benefit system for first time. My husband was traditional so i never had to work. I looked after the kids and house.

I am also glad that I too handled all the bills etc. before my husband died as my husband was ill for eight years before he died, but we always discussed the changing to different energy companies, insurance companies etc. now it is all down to me to make that decision. That is one of the things I miss the most, talking to each other and discussing what we should do, I hate having to make the decision myself whether to do this or do that, I often think ‘what would Peter do’.

1 Like

Do you know Sheila - I always ask myself What would Jack do or I say Jack what can I do?

I understand about this been alone - my kids are supportive, I have a couple fantastic friends but ….
My sadness will always be with me - but I am trying to see if I can find some joy -
Joy is an emotion non existent at the moment -

Sheila it is a shame you don’t live closer so we could have a cuppa together
Sadie

I dont have any friends we just had each other we lost touch with them years ago and yes we have kids but they all have there own lives and families i just feel a burden

Dear Sadie,

I know our sons would be there for me if I ever needed them but just once it would be lovely to receive a text asking how I am and really meaning it. They text me, say how are you mum, what have you been doing, I reply back to them and ask them a question and nothing, I never receive a message back. I sometimes wonder if they have programmed their phones to text me every few weeks asking me how I am and what I have been doing. It is the same message over and over again but never a reply when I answer it.

Yes, it would be lovely, so many lovely people on here in the same position that I wish were neighbours.

I have just been out cutting hedges, I cannot believe how fast they grow, at least I will sleep tonight.

Sheila.xx

Back to top