Hi, I recently, 2 weeks on Monday lost my sister, she was older (37) and I’m 25. My sister died very unexpectedly leaving behind her husband of 18 years and their beautiful daughters 10 and 14. I was very close to my sister and due to the age gap she was like a second mum and my go to when I need advice.
I’m struggling with my own grief and can’t move past the day it all happened. I was the first person my sisters husband told which meant I had to be the rock for my family. I live an hour away from them so immediately drove down to tell my mum, brother and dad what happened. The scream my mum let out haunts me I can’t get it out of my head. I then had to tell my nieces as my sister husband was not coping well. It honestly was the worst day of my life.
I don’t know what to do, for the past 2 weeks I have been caring for my nieces. I haven’t been able to stay over night so have been making the trip everyday. I feel guilty when I’m not there and I’m trying to do my best but I don’t know what the right thing to do is and what my sister would want me to do.
It’s very fresh and I don’t think I’ve been able to grieve due to being focused on caring for my family. We haven’t had the funeral yet.
I hoping I can get some suggestions on how people are dealing with their loss.
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are struggling with your own grief while supporting and being there for your nieces. I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
You may also find it helpful to read our Losing a sibling page on our website. It talks you through some of what you might be feeling, and how to cope.
The following resources may be a helpful source of support for you and your nieces.
Winston’s Wish provides grief and bereavement support for children and young people (up to 25) after the death of someone important. They have a helpline that you can call free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, weekdays. They also have a live chat feature on their website.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Hi Coleen99,
I am sorry for your loss I lost my younger brother only 4 weeks ago. Me and my sister found him ourselves as he lived alone. It is so hard and my heart is reaching out to you. Please be kind to yourself as you are to your family.
Trust your inner voice and follow what you feel is right.
Reach out to friends. We are all here to support each other.
I too am considered the rock even though I am not the eldest sibling. We have to keep moving as one unit as I feel this helps us all. I do question why my family see me as their rock when I don’t really feel it. I guess it’s because I am a widow now.
I lost my handsome hubby five years ago he was 51 during lockdown so sadly I am alone, but I still speak to him as this brings me comfort as I feel his presence is always close.
Stay in contact with us on here as I only posted for the first time this evening as talking to one and another will help us all.
Thank you for posting.