Looking for advice

Hi all,

My mum passed away just over a year ago and im at a loss of what to do. Myself and sister are still greiving for our loss. However my dad has formed an unhealthy attachment to someone that was a family friend. This person has a history of abuse towards men and my dad is well aware of this and didnt like her at all for 20+ years. He only ever tolerated her because she was my mum and sisters friend. Since being around her he is lying to everyone, falling out with his imidiate family and his personality and they way he speaks over her is like an obsessed teenager. I overheard a conversation yesterday with her saying me and my sister dont care for him and we are playing mind games with him and that we would have him staying home staring at the walls. I also heard him say he wants to spend all his time with her. She has him driving her around everwhere, taking her out for meals etc. Im honestly at a complete loss at what to do. His character has completely changed and i feel she is completely taking advantage of a man still suffering the loss of his wife whom he was married to for 40+ years! He will not here a bad word about her and has currently fallen out with his sister, grandchildren and his daughters because of this.

Any advice appreciated!

1 Like

Hello @Lan ,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling lost and confused and feeling concern for your dad. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

You might also want to read through our article: Losing a parent - Coping with the death of a parent | Sue Ryder

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,


Hi @Lan, we all change when this happens. I can only suspect he’s lonely and panicking.
In some ways its better that he gets on with how he wants it to be than staying at home staring at the walls.

It may or may not last, but its how he wants it to be.

Its a shame when other members of his family fall out with him because of his choice. Criticising it may be pushing him closer to her. He may need you in the future, Id try to accept his choice, and be there for him if or when it all falls apart. You dont have to like her, or have anything to do with her.