Hi all. I’ve joined this group in the hope that someone might be able to point me in the right direction.
I’m very concerned about a friend of mine who lost her mum nearly 2 years ago. It was unexpected and my friend was with her. Since it happened, I have witnessed my friend, who did already have mh issues, and was medicated for them, struggle more and more. She has always been very sociable, but now cancels meet ups frequently.
She tried counselling (not specialized bereavement counselling) but stopped very quickly.
I am concerned about her drinking, but am not sure how to broach this as the last thing I want to do is alientate her. When I tried discussing it lightly as part of the general conversation it didn’t go well.
Due to my own circs (single parent) I can’t go out and do activities with her in the eves to keep her occupied outside of the pub.
Any thoughts/advice would be welcomed. She can’t afford private counselling at the moment, even if she was willing to try.
Thanks
It’s so good of you to be so concerned over a friend. Not many have such good friends. What to do? Without knowing your friend it’s difficult to say, so I can only speak in general terms.
If she has mental heath issues then she does need professional help. Going it alone is not an option in MH issues. Is she under any professional care? Is she visiting her GP?
The old problem of alcohol rears it’s head again, as it often does on here. Alcohol relieves her pain but can only ever be temporary, as you know.
I would suggest that all you can do is to get her to look for professional advice, and in the meantime give as much love and support as you can.
She is not doing this on purpose, but to relieve the awful pain she feels. Trying to bring up the subject of her drinking will nearly always be rejected. To her it’s something she needs. People who drink heavily, and not just alcoholics, always deny they have a problem. It’s a classic response.
Love and support no matter what is essential. She may feel lost and unloved. I don’t know, but it does happen.
You are a good friend. Do your best to understand her. No criticism or judgement. Be there for her, hold her hand when needed, it’s about the best you can do. Blessings.
Thank you. I am seeing her tonight and hoping I can get her to open up a bit more and maybe acknowledge that she is grieving and its a process.
Sue Ryder was offering six weeks free bereavement counselling by video link. I don’t know if this is still on offer, but it would certainly be worth your researching this. It is only six weeks, but that may well be enough to get her on the road to recovery. It certainly helped me. In the scheme of things 2 years is not that long, but it sounds as if your friend does need professional support. She could possibly try CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) which is available free in my area through our local GP surgery, again possibly a road worth pursuing. Well done you for supporting your friend, I know it’s really difficult for you as well, but it will be helping her enormously.