Looking for help

Hi, new to this group, i recently lost my wife of 16 years to cancer. I think im really struggling to cope with all the feelings i now have.
I have a 11 yr old son at home who seems to be dealing with his emotions better than me.
I need to be strong for him and get my act together but every time i wake up saying todays the day, i lose motivation and dont achieve anything but the basics.
I need to find a new job as my current hours do not suit, 12 hr shifts. I worry about money alot, causing me anxiety which can be very acute. Im very much missing my rock, the one person i could talk about my feeling with has now gone. Im looking for help with the loneliness, finances and maybe someone or an actual human i can chat to.

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Sorry to here of your loss
Most people on this website are all going through similar some further down the line some very recent.
Myself i am 5 months since i lost my husband sudenly and unexpected
I can only take one day at a time not planning any further. Keeping myself busy as just recently retired. It is not easy and sometimes crying upset loneliness comes back but i manage to desl with it somehow and before i know it, another day has passed and i have survived.
Hopefully others will understand and reassure you listen help
Children handle grief different :expressionless: but he will be missing his mother just be there to talk and listen to him when he is ready to talk.
Take care
Lynne

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So sorry you’re going through this too. My husband (aged 43) died of cancer last week and we have two boys 13 and 14 who, like your son, seem to be coping better than me.

I spent so much time leading up to this, worrying about them and forgetting how I’d feel. I went from a feeling of relief that he was no longer suffering to extreme sadness. I’m doing the basics but between that I’m crying and curled up in bed.

I had to leave my job to become a full time carer for my husband so money concerns me too. I have some inheritence I’ll be using (from my dad and uncle who died last year and the year before) but when that’s gone I’m screwed.

This was not my life plan as I’m sure it wasn’t yours either

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hi @Murphy im so sorry to you and your son for the loss of your wife/mum
i lost my husband who i was with what would of been 20 years in october… he passed away 6th september following a very aggressive 6 week battle with cancer, leaving me and our 3 children 9,16,19 completely devastated and broken…

i can absolutely relate to your words, i am now living in a miserable agonising pain, trying to be strong for my children, but completely petrified how i am going to be able to keep a roof over our heads, care for them, and just try and crawl through each day :broken_heart:

the anxiety is agonising and i too as struggling so much with the pain i’m feeling every minute of the day!

please if you ever just need a chat know there are so many people here, and my inbox is always open

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@Nori i think about you and your boys every day, we’re in such a horrible nightmare and the fact we have to worry about money just seems so unfair?!

i too am so worried about what we’re going to do when the money runs out because with the cost of living just rising constantly it really won’t last long… i’m constantly torturing myself worrying, then falling apart just wishing shaun was here so bad x

I’m lucky in so far as I have enough for around 6 years and the mortgage is paid off but god knows what future I have. My only aim is to get the boys to adulthood. I’ll go and live in a tent after that :woman_shrugging:

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Im in the middle of trying to sort the mortgage, it was in my wifes name, theres no bother with it coming to me, but as i now cant do my full time work, im not sure how im going to be able to get a mortgage.
I really dont wont to lose the house as that would just break me completely. I have spoken to financial peeps but the worry is huge on top of everything else.

Nightmare. Such a shame you weren’t on the mortgage as you could have gone down to paying interest only.

oh i’m so glad you do have the security of the home for you and boys… we don’t have that which is absolutely petrifying and just making me so anxious everyday i open my eyes xx

It’s shit, I still can’t believe widows only get help for 18 months and even that is now minimal.

i know! when that runs out things will just get harder… it’s all so scary i know il never be able to afford to stay in our home, but everywhere is so expensive, so i know ultimately it will come to us facing homelessness… i never imagine my life would be like this… i just wish i could switch off this panic mode but it’s impossible x

Have you contacted CAB and been on entitledto websites? I found if you were renting you’d get more support than if you had a mortgage x

i’m not entitled to anything as i had the death in service payment so don’t qualify for any help… when the money runs out i can apply for UC but will only be entitled to a small amount and the help with rent won’t even be half of the monthly cost :disappointed: it’s just so unfair i don’t understand how they can justify it?

Oh I know, sorry I meant after death in service has been used up. It’s rubbish I know xx

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that’s ok no need to say sorry :heart: unfortunately when that runs out we’re well and truly screwed… i don’t see the point trying to go on as it is losing shaun. but the fear of what’s ahead just makes that worry even more overwhelming xx

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Same but all you can do is just concentrate on now. You have enough for the short term so get through that and worry about the rest later. Easier said than done I know x

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yes everyone keeps saying that and i know i need to try but it’s so so hard x

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Im aware i only joined this group today, and to be honest i was feeling very low and looking for ways in which to deal with my loneliness.
But i have found that amazing people with huge courage are dealing with far worse than i am. You give me strength and determination to find a way to get through this. I truly feel like i want to help any way i can.
Please dont ever feel like you are alone, we are here when ever, and i mean whenever you need to talk.

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I know… and trust me it was only earlier today I was crying to my mum trying to make her realise that no it’s not easier to go through this grief whilst I’m “young” my whole future right now seems totally f@cked…

@Scarl34 have you applied for the Bereavement Support Payment from the gov.uk website? £2,500, I think and quite easy to apply just need both National Insurance numbers, etc. Not much but enough to provide some help and not means tested as far as I am aware. I have applied but will find out if successful next week. Pete

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