Loosing 3 family member has brought back my past what can i do

Hi recently in the past 4 years i have lost 4 family members who are very close to me, One of my auntie’s i was really close to i cared for her most days , it will be her anniversary of passing on the 1st of march 2017. Since she has passed i can’t seem to forgive myself for not doing anymore to help. I am feeling quite lonely and insecure right now and when i try and talk to my husband i feel as if he is not interested. previous to the passing of my family members, i lost two best friends at a very young age ,one whom i was with on holiday when tragedy struck, to cut a long story short My friend was hit by a car whilst we were away on holiday i was with her as she passed and seen the accident and relive it everyday. I do talk about this but find it really hard to come to terms with it and sometimes wish that it was me not her, My other friend died 2 year previous .we were out on a night out and sadly my friend went home and died by choking on her own vomit ,i wish i was there with her as i was meant to stay there that night ,‘again i blame myself’. Due to my history I seem to be very paranoid and feel as if i am waiting for the next person i love to leave me in a sad situation is this normal ? . I can not connect to my husband i feel as if whoever i get close to gets taken from me and now i think he is looking for love else where .I hate the fact that my children have to grow up and its making me really worried about them going out etc. is there anywhere i can go or visit that can help me with this please as i feel on my own…thank you x

Hi Claire, you had so many traumas to deal with! Sometimes other people just cannot understand the emotions you feel inside, especially the people close to us.
Have you had any counselling? I am specifically thinking of post trauma help. Have you heard of EMDR treatment? I’ve been through it after a serious car accident and it is very good. Believe me, you are not on your own, reach out and you’ll be amazed how many people feel the same. Keep talking on here xxx

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Hi Claire, it sounds very normal that you are expecting another loved one to die and leave you given all you have been through. Have you tried explaining this to your husband ? He may then realise that it is because you love him (and your children) that you have become so fearful. He may not realise but what you do need to do is get some counselling, perhaps marriage guidance as well as bereavement. Your GP may be helpful, the CRUSE organisation too. Also contact Priscilla who may be able to provide some useful links (see right hand side of this page). If you take some action now it will give you some feeling of control over events and that you are not just waiting for the next crisis. You can’t solve all this at once but a few steps now will start it moving, trust me, I’ve been there.

You are not alone with this and hopefully there will be others posting with their experiences and what has helped them. Take good care of yourself.

Alan

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Hello Clairelp, I want to welcome you to our Online Community. You have certainly had a really rough time during your life, trying to come to terms with the deaths of your dear friends so tragically and then losing close family members. It sounds as if your present sadness and sense of guilt has been gradually building up, and you haven’t had the support you’ve needed to make sense of it all.
It must be hard for you not being able to talk about your feelings with your husband, while caring for your children and working as well.
If you have not already done so, I think it may help if you go and have a talk with your doctor. It’s important that you start looking after yourself Clairelp, and please do try again to explain to your husband how you are feeling at the moment.
With kind regards, Jackie

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Hi Jackie Thank you for you quick reply and Information i Have been to the Doctors when this first happened, i was offered counselling but i refused it as i though i could cope with it on my own , I don’t want to be dependant on anti depressants as i have seen what they have done to some people. I will look at speaking to the doctor again to see if i can get some help thank you xx

Hi Zahn Thank you for you quick reply and Information i Have been to the Doctors when this first happened, i was offered counselling but i refused it as i though i could cope with it on my own , I have not heard of EMDR but will look into it .I don’t want to be dependant on anti depressants as i have seen what they have done to some people. I will look at speaking to the doctor again to see if i can get some help thank you x

Hi Alan Thank you for you quick reply and Information i Have been to the Doctors when this first happened, i was offered counselling but i refused it as i though i could cope with it on my own , I don’t want to be dependant on anti depressants as i have seen what they have done to some people. Sometimes when i speak to my husband i feel as if he has to and not there for support so an argument normally erupts , I will look at speaking to the doctor again to see if i can get some help thank you x

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