I lost my mom 2 years ago April 2 days after my 25th birthday and iv never felt so alone iv been told so many things while grieving even ‘don’t you think it’s time to get over it’ I don’t have any siblings and I isolate myself a lot now as when I needed help there wasn’t anyone there I got my self out of a really dark place when it first happened and have been fighting so hard to never go back there but recently have been finding it really hard as I have no one to talk to and the reality of it’s just me now and I have no one fighting for me or with me I message my moms old number so I have someone I can just message to get everything out of my head I also hold alot of guilt as I guess alot of people grieving do me and my mom didn’t always have the most healthy relationship we lived together with my step dad who brought me up from a baby as he’s own but the year she passed they had just split and he found a new family and never got back in contact with me again it felt like I had lost everything I knew all at once
You have come to the right place you are not alone, please keep posting other people will be along. it helps just to get those feelings out we all know that.
there is no time line for grief and I’m not sure age has anything to do with it either, you are so young to lose your mum i am truly sorry, but she will always be with you .
take care
Hi Saskatoon
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my own Mum 10 months ago today… I hate Sundays now! I hate most days now tbh. Also all of my siblings and my 2 children haven’t spoken or had any contact with me since the week after Mums funeral. Apparently I have changed! Too bloody right I have changed losing your Mum or someone you loved deeply is bound to change you. It’s rubbish about your stepdad too. What is actually going on in some people’s heads?? I believe guilt is one of the earliest things that comes up e for most of us. We all have “If only” moments a lot especially in the beginning but we can only be “good enough” none of us is perfect and Sometimes we even put our loved ones we have lost on a pedestal and then we have to remind ourselves of the fact that we are humans, we get it wrong sometimes and we all unintentionally do “damage “. but it’s how we repair that damage that defines us as a person. It sounds like you and your Mum got to a good place. But it sounds like you need to get talking to someone. Have you tried Counselling? Where do you live?
There is a lovely poem called THE LOSS OF A MOTHER by Donna Ashworth. It really speaks to me.take care of yourself
Luv and hugs to you. Speak again soon xx
Thank you having a place to talk helps a lot and I did do some councilling which helped for a while I also definitely have changed I was always a person that everyone would come to to help them and I would always go out of my way for everyone and always put my self last I feel like my morals have definitely changed and at times I no it’s made me a lot stronger and I do think at times if I can get threw this there won’t be anything els that can hurt me the way this has but I guess not everyone can be strong every day I feel like I’ll never feel actual happiness again I can enjoy moments but it never lasts for long thank you so much for your reply honestly means the world xx
Thank you so much for your reply and definitely grief never leaves and sometimes even though it’s a constant feeling of heart ache it’s also a blessing to feeling all these things becasue it makes it feel like she’s a little closer to me even though she’s not here even though you’ll never forget the grief and pain is constant remind that in a wired way I don’t want to leave
Hi again
I’m impressed. It sounds like you have really done a lot of work on yourself already and have come a long way. Some say the ultimate goal of grief is that you can come out of it a better, more stronger, compassionate person because the struggles and dark places it takes you too are gone and hold no more fear as there is now light and That you have integrated the struggles you have gone through into your personality and yes, you do come out a stronger person. But of course, as you say, not everyone can be strong all the time but weirdly I do think that is a sign of strength too in as much as you also recognise and accept your weaknesses too. Hope tho makes sense. Well done you!luv and hugs to all. Try reading Donna Ashworths poem. I think it’s lovely xx
Here is the poem
THE LOSS OF A MOTHER
is an inevitable part of our life.
We know it will come around
And we know the day will hurt
But we are not prepared
Never prepared
For the tearing
The tearing of part of our soul
From its very seams
Stitches pulled asunder
Heart wrenched in half
Soul split in two
But that tearing is not what you may think
It is not her leaving you
It is the loss of her physical form
Which you have been
So very used and attached to
And now she must remove that part
For it no longer serves you
And you no longer need it
Despite what you may think
Because she made you well
And she has built all of her love into you
Cell by cell
Thought by thought
Lesson by lesson
And the split that you feel
Is simply the new way
You will carry on your love
For your Mother
WITH your Mother
Just in a different way
For she did not leave
Mothers cannot leave
They are in you
Look inside
She’s there
And that is unable to be taken now
That is all yours to keep
FOREVERMORE
Donna Ashworth
I hope you like it. I think it’s beautiful. It’s from her book of poems called Loss
Xx