I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband, @Tara25 - that is devastating.
You’re not alone. You might want to connect with @Suejulez whose ex-husband recently sadly died. You may understand some of what each other are going through. She shared her story in this thread a few days ago:
You may also find these Sue Ryder resources helpful:
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Take good care and keep reaching out,
Seaneen