Loosing both parents at a young age.

Losing a parent
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Hi, my mum recently passed from heart failure she was only 58. I lost my Dad 12 years ago to cancer and he was only 48. I feel so lost with no parents. Struggling to understand and cope with the loss of my Mum. I struggled when I lost Dad and have done since but now Mum’s gone too. I just don’t know how to cope.

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Hi @charlou,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about both your mum and dad, that must be incredibly difficult for you.

Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it :blue_heart:

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Please do take good care of yourself,
Becca

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Hope you don’t mind me messaging but I am in a very similar situation, lost my mum in 2014 and dad just before Christmas last year. I have no other family and find it tough. I’m hoping speaking to people on here will allow me to offer some kind of advice and help while also receiving the same.

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Hi Charlou and Si4710,

I’m so sorry for your losses, it is horrendous to lose both parents and feel so alone in the world. I’m not as young as you, but I lost my dad in January 2021 and my mum in March, so I’d lost them both by the age of 45. I still feel that is far too young to be orphaned, so I can’t imagine how hard it is for the both of you.

I was especially close to my mum and we lived together and did everything together. I have been left totally devastated by the loss of my mum and, at times, have felt I’ve not wanted to carry on without her. I don’t have a family of my own, I have a brother, but he is busy with his own family and hasn’t been affected in the same way. However, I am still here (somehow) after over 4 months. I have found this site a comfort connecting with others in similar situations who are also grieving.

I just wanted to reach out and let you both know that you’re not alone and that there are people out there that understand and can truly empathise with you. Sending you love x

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Hi Si4710
I am so sorry for the delay in my reply. I haven’t been in a great place. If you are still on here I’m hoping you’re ok as can be. Please reply if you are and we can try and support each other.
Charlou

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Hi Lucy7

I am sorry for the delay in my reply to you.
I am so sorry for your loss. If you are still on here I hope you’re doing as ok as can be.
I can completely understand your comment about struggling to carry on without your Mum, I have certainly had the same feelings. Do you have friends you can reach out to? I am happy to listen too.
You’re not alone and thank you for reaching out to me too.
Charlou x

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Hi Charlou, full of flu at the minute so feeling down in the dumps. How are you feeling? X

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Hi oh no, there’s so much going about, we’ve just had it too. Sorry to hear that. Erm good days and bad to be honest. Christmas was very hard, first one without Mum. How about you?x

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Yeah same, I don’t have any family now so tough Christmas on my own, hit me more after Christmas to be honest. Been up and down since, booked a holiday at the end of the month to try and get a bit of time to get away and have a think about things. You got anything that’s helping you deal with the bad days? X

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That’s something to look forward to, good for you! I’m seeking help with wellbeing service but other than that not much. Well my children keep me busy but I do wish there were more support groups for us out there. Is there much support near you?x

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Yeah I bet the kids keep you busy. No nothing nearby so can’t attend anything. Tried counselling and didn’t find it helpful. Some days I feel like I can cope and can see a future then other days I don’t know how I’m managing to get through.

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I know what you mean about counselling. I sometimes feel like nothing will help. I have to keep going though. I tried journaling which sometimes helps on my really bad days. Nothing fancy, just writing down what’s in my head and having a good cry.

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It’s so frustrating isn’t it, feels like you are always searching for that one thing that will sort everything out and make things easier.

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Hi Charlou,

It’s lovely to hear from you, please don’t apologise for not responding earlier, I understand how difficult it is in the early days.

I hope you are doing as well as possible under the circumstances. I read your comment about Christmas being hard without your mum, I felt exactly the same and it was very tough indeed to get through. On a positive note though, we did make it through and I’m sure our mums would be proud of us for that.

I am doing as well as I can be thank you, some days still feel unbearable, but others are not so bad these days. I think , once the initial shock wore off, I have learned to cope slightly better, although I still think I’ve got an awful long way to go.

Thank you for your message and please message any time, I don’t post as often these days, but I’m always on here and take comfort from reading other people’s messages x

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Hi Lucy7

Thank you for your reply.
I’m glad you’re as well as can be. Same here, if you ever want to message please do. Having support from others who understand what we are going through gives some comfort that we are not alone.
Take care of yourself.

Kind regards,
Charlou

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Hello,

I’m so sorry for everyone’s loss.

I lost both my parents in quick succession. Mum in Nov 23 and dad just 3 weeks ago. I’m having a really bad day today. Feel just in despair and totally exhusted. I can’t hold back the tears.

I returned to work this week (after 2 weeks). I’m not sure it was good idea. I can’t concentrate and every email is winding me up.

Today someone reached out to say sorry. I’d asked my team to keep it quiet about dad as the platitudes set me ofg. But this person shouldn’t have known. I bet the whole place is gossiping. I hate that when you have a death everyone thinks its there right to tell everyone else. It’s a loss of your own narrative.

I hate grief. It’s miserable and so loney. I’m so tired, i don’t know how I’ll get through the day let alone the week.

Thanks for listening. Rob

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Hi Pal, I’m at a different stage but went through what you have explained. Going back to work at what point is a personal decision. I didn’t think 2 weeks was enough so took longer, still struggle with work so looking to go part time. You need to look after number one is what I’ve learned. Take time out to get things straight in your own mind first, people at work are probably genuinely concerned so try not to get stressed about that. If you need a chat give me a shout pal.

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Hi Rob
Thanks for reaching out. We are all in a similar boat so please feel free to reach out whenever, you are not alone.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. Make sure you look after yourself, if you want to cry then you cry even if that means leaving early from work. Is there someone you can speak to at work even if it’s just to say your struggling? I’m sure they would understand. Everyone is so different. I remember having a month off when I lost my Dad and even longer off after loosing Mum. I just couldn’t cope and I know every job is different but I struggled to even leave the house for a while.
You’re right grief is miserable there’s no getting away from that but please know your not alone. Have you got a support network around you?
Take care of yourself.
Charlou

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