Feel like I need to vent, not sure how this stuff works but I guess I just talk…
Lost my mom to suicide this week, we’re still waiting for the autopsy to come back but from the scene it looks as if she took her own life. I used to have a great relationship with my mom, as a young child she was my best friend, when she met her partner and married him that completely changed our friendship, as I was in my teens they had so many problems involving domestic abuse, I could not cope with it and moved in with my nan and grandad, so I haven’t had a proper friendship with my mom for over 8 years.
Going to a more recent time they were going through court for charges and divorcing. She hasn’t been able to handle the stress and lead to this…I haven’t spoken to her in a year and I feel awful…but she ruined our friendship and I just don’t know how to process this 
feel so numb
Hello @Kay98 ,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through .
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex