Hello everyone,
I lost my Mum on the 8th June 2021 suddenly. She suffered a subarachnoid hemorrhage. Collapsed whilst making lunch on the 7th June due following a warning bled, then an hour later had a massive bled whilst being transported into the ambulance from the house. I fortunately was with her but had no time to say goodbyes and the severity initially at the time was not known. before they loaded her into the ambulance- then things quickly changed.
I have struggled with my grief since, the things left unsaid, the secrets , the blame I feel towards medical services and so I cry every single day, dealing with it alone. The services I thought that would help, didn’t (Time to Talk and Cruse) and I was too traumatised to keep going over it to different services to move forward in searching for help.
My Mum was my best friend. We did absolutely everything together, saw each other daily or more and called multiple times a day- living one street away from each other . I am finding it incredibly difficult to go out and do normal things alone now, so tend not too.
I am support/carer to my Dad and have been supporting him with his bereavement as well as my own. Sadly I try to avoid all conversation about my Mum with my Dad as I find it all so hard and upsetting and when my Dad starts a conversation I know I cut it short. I grew up not being a very expressive family and so it’s hard because I want him to know how much I am hurting, but not once has he asked me how i am coping. It became clear that my Mum supported my Dad with mild cognitive (forgetfulness) decline and we only realised this when Mum died.
This Christmas being the first without her was so hard and I couldn’t wait for it all to be over.
I feel that I am now ready to seek support for myself, finding this forum a couple of days ago and I have started a journal to write everything relating to my grief and my mum.
So sorry for your loss. I can resonate with what you say. I lost my husband recently and felt the NHS could have done more. They will always be with us in spirit watching over us and taking care of us. We just have to close our eyes and they are with us. All our memories and all the love they gave Take care. Send big hugs x
Sorry for the loss of your mum. My mum died suddenly 2 years ago in June 2019.
She had a mini stroke on the 2nd June, had some tests, appeared to have got away with her ‘warning’ with no serious side effects, discharged on the 7th June with a small clot on her brain which was expected to disappear after several months on Aspirin. She went back to hospital for a follow up on the 13th June, became unconscious as the doctor was speaking to her, found to have suffered a massive bleed on the brain in the consulting room and died the following day.
It was a complete shock and my mum was very active, funny, and full of life.
I was lucky it hadn’t happened at home because I would have always wondered if something could have been done or if the ambulance had got to her quicker etc
I have realised that my mum couldn’t be saved whilst she was actually at a hospital with specialists seeing to her immediately. The outcome for your mum would likely have been the same.
The what ifs do reduce with time and this will get better. My mum was my best friend, my childcare, lived with me…the hole she has left is massive.
My dad had died suddenly 21 years earlier and I also avoided the subject every time mum talked about him. I found it too upsetting and thought I was helping my mum. I regret now not sitting talking about him with her and putting my grief aside.
I’m sorry for your loss I lost my mum nearly a month ago and like you I was very close to my mum. I still lived at home my mum is my best friend and we would do everything together. I also understand how you feel about the NHS as my local hospital let my mum down in the last few weeks of her life. I feel so guilty I wish everyday that I never took mum to hospital
Dad at the end of September 21 and it was sudden and a shock. He had been on holiday with us a month or so earlier and had been fit and well, able to walk miles
He was a big part of our lives I saw him every day, and spent every big celebration and life event of my kids family etc together. I have wondered if being so close means that you pay a higher price in grief.
I still wouldn’t change that and hope that time will help to heal.
Love to you xx
I’m so sorry you lost your Mum so suddenly and didn’t feel able to say what you wanted. I lost my Mum 15 months ago to cancer and I’m just starting to feel some kind of normal. We were really close and like you would see each other daily.
I still get upset but I’m no longer overwhelmed with grief like I was. Be kind to yourself it’s not been a long time and there is no time limit on grief, and definitely no right way to do it.
I didn’t find the bereavement counselling particularly helpful but it did help me work through the distressing images I had of when Mum died and when I cared for her.
Thinking of you and not saying it gets better but it does get different.